The Misadventures of Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Valentine's Special

2011-02-14T05:48:00.003+08:00

Hello and a very Happy Valentine's to everyone :D!!

Once again, Sibeh Sian apologies for the sibeh long absence. Indeed, this absence felt longer because of the many earth-shaking and ground-breaking events that has happened around the globe, such as the grand opening of Popeye’s at Toa Payoh Central. Having MIAed for so long, I feel obliged to share this nugget of wisdom with everyone out there: the stuff they serve at KFC taste so much better!

Now the reason for this post is not because of fried chicken, but I can assure you that it’s no less momentous an event. I thought you guys might want to know that two of my closest friends got married just a few hours back.

Nerd. And Office Bimbo. To each other!

To cut a very, very long story short, the romance between Nerd and Office Bimbo started in a small, dark and dingy hotel room in Bangkok, where they were sent for a work assignment. Now before you start getting any funny ideas, Nerd was having the most horrible case of tummyache after too many bowls of spicy tom yum. I didn’t know she had it in her, but Office Bimbo took great care in nursing Nerd back to health. In fact, she was so nursing, she ended up nursing their baby in her womb by the time the week-long trip ended.

The office was all happy and excited with the coming arrival of MiniNerd. I was also all happy and excited because I thought the weird rumour about me having Nerd’s baby (what the?!?) will finally be put to rest. Unfortunately, I realized I was hopelessly wrong after receiving anonymous post-it notes telling me to ‘be strong’ and ‘he will come back to me one day’. I have no idea why people assume that there’s something going on between the two of us, when all we do is just eat, sleep, and go to the loo together.

Anyway, I suspect Office Bimbo don’t really like me. She promised to sit me next to a drop-dead-gorgeous bachelorette for their wedding dinner, so imagine my horror when Ms Tan took the seat to my left just before the dinner started.

Drop-dead-gorgeous bachelorette my a$$ :(

Speaking of Ms Tan, she is getting from bad to worse. It’s been years since I joined the company, but she still insist on ~~vetting~~ critiquing every single thing I do, including my monthly reports, my hairstyle, and what I had for breakfast. I seriously think she should get a life, and being a Man With Balls of Steel, subtly suggested as much to her during the dinner by casually asking her if she’ll be retiring soon. She replied with an icy stare and ordered me to peel her drunken prawns. Being a Man With Balls ~~of Steel~~, I obliged.

On to happier stuff: As Nerd’s Best Friend and Best Man, I’m proud to say I had a big hand in the wedding preparations, which had to be done in a mad rush considering Office Bimbo’s rapidly bulging tummy. You will be glad to know that I went against convention, and daringly chose the auspicious Hokkien tune of Ji Pa Ban as the march-in theme. The older folks were in a delighted frenzy, and I amused them even more by playing the seldom-heard but sibeh gung-ho Matsuri by Kitaro when they were serving the first dish. Not forgetting the younger crowd, I played YMCA for the second march-in. I’m seriously considering a second career as a DJ.

Besides music selection and choreography, I also served as Nerd’s fitness instructor, and urged him to lift weights prior to the wedding just so that he has enough strength to pop the champagne. He obviously didn’t take my advice to heart, and was caught struggling with his cork in front of a very embarrassed crowd. He must have stood there for at least a good minute, when Office Bimbo couldn’t bear it any longer and took over the popping duties. The good news was that she successful popped it in her first attempt, while the not-so-good news was that the cork somehow came slamming against my forehead. I suspect Office Bimbo don’t really like me.

The sweetest part of the evening, besides the ‘I Do’s’ and the mango sago with ice cream dessert, was when the happy couple gave their thank you speech. I was very touched by Nerd because besides thanking his mum and dad, he gave special thanks for my help in both the wedding and the courtship (I was supposed to go for the Thailand trip, but as dreadful as it was, I couldn’t miss the last episode of 破天网). I just wished he would end it there instead of his "I will miss all the good times we had together and you will always have a very special place in my heart". For her speech, Office Bimbo thanked me profusely for not going to Thailand. She also admitted she would have left me suffering on my own if I was the one struck with food poisoning. I suspect Ofice Bimbo don’t really like me.

Despite all the embarrassment and troubles they have caused me in our years of friendship, I felt genuinely happy for the couple, and was even a bit emotional when they did the toasting, the photo-taking, and eventually the handshaking and goodbye-ing after the last drop of champagne was sipped. Looking at their happy faces as they smiled at each other with fingers tightly intertwined, I’m glad that Nerd and Office Bimbo has finally found the love of their life in each other. I wish them everlasting matrimonial bliss with their MiniNerd and hopefully many MiniOfficeBimbos to come, and I wish them a very Happy Valentine’s.

A very Happy Valentine’s to you too :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I just got word that Ms Tan will be calling in sick because of food poisoning. I wonder what did that silly woman ate.

The long and short about WARNING: IMPOSTER ALERT!

2009-10-06T21:42:00.004+08:00

Hello everyone :D!!!!

Yes yes, I've not been blogging for ages, so paiseh, haha.... Anyway, it was brought to my attention recently that someone is impersonating me and leaving comments all over other blogs.

The scary thing is that this imposter has copied my template wholesale (archives and all) and his/her replica is an exact mirror image of this blog! If you think that's scary, I heard he even copies the same brand of underwear I wear (Crocodile, if you must know).

Haha, I was kidding about the last part of course... I think. Anyway, have no fear because here's how to differentiate the imitation from this dead blog :D! This is how the real blog looks like, with the blog address sibehsibehsian.blogspot.com spelt in full:

The fake link through the imposter’s account is spelled with a double ‘ii’:

My real profile page shows my original joining date of March 2006:

The imposter joined on October 2009 with a lower view count:

So please don’t get fooled :D! I bear absolutely no responsibility if you’re conned into lending money for the fake SibehSiian :D!

Ok, that’s all :)! Wishing everyone a very happy 6 Oct 2009 :)!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. Sibeh Sian likes to let everyone know that he is very touched and appreciative that there are still friends who click on this blog even though it’s been neglected for such a long time, with no signs of getting resurrected. He promises to write more if he ever strikes Toto (top prize, sole winner, at least twice) and escapes from his life as a lowly office dweller :)

The long and short about Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009 :)

2008-12-31T09:24:00.002+08:00

HELLO HELLO HELLO EVERYBODY :D! A very Happy 2009 to everybody ah :D!!!!

Yes yes, I know it’s been a very, very long time since I last updated, and I am very paiseh about for MIAing. But I have a very, very good reason for not updating: I got promoted!

To cut a long story short, The Boss told me he was really pleased with my performance during our annual appraisal earlier this year (totally unrelated, but I would like to mention here that my Boss is a man of great virtue and intelligence). He decided that the lowly position of Miscellaneous Executive is too lowly for a person of such incredibly high caliber (my words, not his, ahem).

I am pleased to announce here that I now hold the highly coveted position of Senior Miscellaneous Executive :).

But to be frank, I felt I did not deserve the promotion because truth to be told, the best contribution I had for the company was to improve the high scores of Minesweeper in the office computers. But the $50 increment that came with the promotion was just too tempting and so I couldn’t say ‘no’ to the man. I decided to make up for my past indiscretions by being doubly hard at work, which explains the grand total of three posts this miserable blog enjoyed in 2008. Yes, you probably can tell that I am a Changed Man now. Sibeh Sian is now a Sibeh Hardworking Man :)!

Anyway, I don’t mean to be hao lian, but being a Senior Miscellaneous Executive really has its perks. Not only did I get the above-mentioned $50 increment, I also got a one-time bonus of $100 NTUC voucher (which I gave to my grateful mum) and a kick-ass Popular membership card. Plus, I get to put the word ‘Senior’ on my name card. Like I said, I’m not a hao lian, but I painstakingly underlined the word ‘Senior’ just in case people miss that word :)

But the biggest perk of getting promoted is that I finally, finally got my own office, which comes with my own big-ass LCD TV :)! You can’t tell how happy I am because I seriously was getting a little bit sick of squeezing together with Nerd in our tiny, smelly little cubicle. We were seriously a little bit too close for comfort, and with gossip-mongers like Office Bimbo around, my reputation as an innocent straight boy could have been affected sia. Hiaz. . . . I really hope to meet my One True Love and settle down in 2009 sia :(

The only person who didn’t take too kindly to my promotion was Ms Tan. I swear man, this woman is out to destroy my career. She told The Boss upfront that I wasn’t deserving of the promotion, and even threatened to quit if he didn’t rescind his decision.

She is just like that evil woman in Little Nonya sia.

Sad to say, my stoopid Boss managed to dissuade Ms Tan from leaving by bribing her with a promotion. I thought about reporting him to CPIB or counter-propose by threatening to quit if he goes ahead with her promotion, but decided not to because I am basically ~~hum ji~~ a nice guy :)

Anyway, I’ve resolved to make peace with Ms Tan because now that I’m in such a Senior position, I can’t afford to be that petty anymore. I know she hates my guts because she thinks I slack at work, so over the past year I’ve been working very hard to correct that misconception.

Alas, I realized that it’s actually very hard to be hardworking because there really isn’t much work to be done in my company. But even though there are no opportunities for me to be hardworking, I’ve come to this realization that I have to appear hardworking anyway so that I won’t get despised by Ms Tan.

I thus made the painful decision of smuggling in my Wii to the office. Everyday without fail, I will summon Nerd into my office, lock the door, and then play our Wii Wii the whole day long under the pretence of working, heh. I am proud to announce here that we have completed Zelda thrice over sia :)

We were almost caught once when Ms Tan demanded to be let into my office, but we were very smart and asked for some time to clean up the room because of coffee spillage while we quickly kept my Wii Wii, heh. Besides that small hitch, I think my hard work at appearing to be hardworking has been working really well because people have been giving us approving smiles whenever we meet them in the pantry, haha.

In fact, my Boss has arranged for another performance appraisal with me next week. Maybe he is thinking of promoting me to an even more Senior position :). Do wish me luck :D!!

Here’s wishing everyone a great 2009 :)!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The 2012 Olympics Games

2008-09-02T12:58:00.004+08:00

Mark Richman: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and a very warm welcome to the closing ceremony of the 2012 Singapore Olympic Games. I am Mark Richman, your host for tonight, and with me is the very sporty and outgoing Jade Jia.

Jade Jia: Oh hi everyone, I am Jade Jia! *Flashes megawatt smile*

Mark Richman: For those of you who have just joined us in this live telecast, you are witnessing history in the making! Our city state managed to amass an unprecedented haul of 2 gold medals, and we are closing it with a big bang tonight right here at the National Stadium.

Jade Jia: Yes Mark, it has been the most incredible games indeed. At the same time though, I’m feeling a tinge of sadness because this will be the last event that is being held at our beloved National Stadium before its closure for demolition.

Mark Richman: I know exactly how you feel Jade, but not to worry. I have been to the last few ‘last events’ that the National Stadium hosted, and I’ve always felt cheated, er, I meant inspired afterwards because they just keep having those ‘last events’. I think the National Stadium is the very epitome of the Singaporean ‘Never Say Die’ spirit!

Jade Jia: Very well said Mark! You make me feel like singing Count On Me Singapore now!

Mark Richman: Well Jade, you make me feel like Mari Kita, eh, I meant feel like singing Mari Kita too, haha. . . . Anyway, let’s have a recap of the most memorable events in the games before the closing ceremony begin!

Jade Jia: The most talked about event is of course the Men’s Marathon, in which Singapore won its first ever Olympic gold medal by Olympian Goh Ah Kim.

Mark Richman: In what was one of the most controversial moves in the history of Olympics, several athletes were disqualified mid-way through the race after they were caught littering.

Jade Jia: For their blatant disregard for our country’s image as a Clean and Green city, not only were they disqualified from the race, they were also fined $500 each.

Mark Richman: Racing associations around the world have been crying foul over what they perceive to be draconian measures by the Singaporean authorities. But just between you and me Jade, I think they got away lightly because if they were in Malaysia, they would have been charged with sodomy.

Jade Jia: Indeed Mark. Anyway, thanks to the many years of civic education, our very own Goh Ah Kim was the first athlete to cross the finishing line without breaking any rules and won the well deserved gold medal. Kudos to him!

Mark Richman: Moving on, Singapore made history when 2WO (RET) Hock Kian Peng became the oldest Olympic gold medalist ever when he won the Men’s Archery.

Mark Richman: In our interview with the 60 year-old 2WO (RET) Hock after his win, he revealed his exceptional archery skills were honed during his stint in the armed forces, where he used a lot of eye power and arrowed his subordinates into doing unpleasant duties on a daily basis.

Jade Jia: 2WO (RET) Hock’s triumph was however overshadowed when he was caught making out with the very buxomy Ms Coral Chen of the beach volleyball team after supper in the Olympic Village.

Mark Richman: Come to think of it Jade, didn’t you lose to Ms Chen in the finals of Miss Sembawang Universe a few years back?

Jade Jia: Oh, we are like the best of friends now! In fact, looking at her in her well-filled bikini top and tanned complexion makes me feel like hitting the beach right now!

Mark Richman: . . . . Eh Jade, you didn’t just say something offensive on national TV right?

Jade Jia: Huh? What are you talking about?

Mark Richman: I swore I heard you referring to Ms Chen as a bitch!

Jade Jia: . . . . I meant ‘beach’, you dumb f%#k!

Mark Richman: . . . . Eh, I think it’s time for a commercial break!

. . . . (five minutes later). . . .

Mark Richman: Hello everyone, and a very warm welcome back to the live telecast of the closing ceremony of the 2012 Singapore Olympics!

Mark Richman: Due to unforeseen circumstances, the lovely Ms Jade Jia have to leave us tonight. But not to worry, you still have me, haha.

Mark Richman: And joining me now is Mr Pierre Dom Perrier, our Chef de Mission for the Olympics!

Pierre Dom Perrier: Bonjour! I’m Pierre, your Chef de Mission, but I won’t be cooking anything tonight. Haha, just kidding. But I really won’t be cooking anything. No kidding!

Mark Richman: So Mr Perrier, how would you rate the performance of our athletes in this Olympics?

Pierre Dom Perrier: Mon dieu! After the gold-winning feats in the Men’s Marathon and Archery, I can only describe our performance as terrible!

Mark Richman: Huh?!?!? Eh, Mr Perrier can you care to explain that please?

Pierre Dom Perrier: You see, given that the maudite vache USA athletes get only a puny USD$25,000 for a gold medal compared to our $1 million, it is inconceivable that we only manage to achieve 2 gold medals while the trou du cul are winning a whole lot more. In fact, it is very shameful, and we have already decided to take punitive actions against the managers and coaches of our Olympic winning teams.

Mark Richman: Wow, that’s a interesting school of thought, to say the least. Mr Perrier, can you share with us then what are the initiatives that our sports council will be taking to improve our chances in the next Olympics?

Pierre Dom Perrier: Très bon, I glad you asked! For starters, instead of wasting money on sports that are dominated by the Caucasians and Africans such as athletics, we will focus on events that the small-framed Singaporeans excel in. In fact, we have already made a formal request to the International Olympic Council to include events such as the Subaru Challenge, the Great Singapore Sale, and Singapore Idol in the 2016 Games, which we will proudly host on Pulau Ubin. Bon appétit!

Mark Richman: That’s great news Mr Perrier!

Pierre Dom Perrier: If you think that’s great, there’s more goodies to come! You are going to find this unbelievable, but we have actually managed to convince Michael Schumacher to come out of retirement and lead our F1 team in the 2016 Olympics!

Mark Richman: Wow, that’s very exiting Sir, but I think F1 is not an Olympic event.

Pierre Dom Perrier: Is it? I ne donnent pas une merde! Haha.

Pierre Dom Perrier: Anyway, you will be excited to know that we have identified the primary reason why we can’t perform at the Olympics: our declining birth rate. The logic is quite simple actually. When you don’t have enough babies, you don’t have enough athletes, and so no Olympic medals. Logique!

Mark Richman: And how do you propose we increase the birth rate, Mr Perrier?

Pierre Dom Perrier: Si simple! We erect more ERP gantries!

Mark Richman: Huh?!?!!!??

Pierre Dom Perrier: Don’t be so shocked Mark, détendre! You see, getting stuck in a traffic is a very stressful event, and stress are known to have an adverse effect on your sperms. And when you are stuck in the jam, it also represents an opportunity lost as you could be spending the time making sweet faire l'amour with your wife or mistress instead. Heh.

Pierre Dom Perrier: So by having more ERP gantries, traffic jams will be reduced, people will be busy making babies, and we will eventually get our Olympic glory!

Mark Richman: Wow, I’m totally convinced by your arguments Mr Perrier. Anyway, it’s time for us to stop our commentary and begin the closing ceremony proper. Thanks a lot for your time, Mr Perrier!

Pierre Dom Perrier: No problem Mark! And to the wonderful audience at home, au revoir, fils de pute!

Mark Richman: And a very warm good bye to you too, Mr cheesepie lanjiao bin! This is Mark Richman, signing out!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Weekend Date

2008-01-31T12:48:00.001+08:00

Over the years, I have grow to accept this uncomfortable fact of life: Hot, single, and very desirable Sweet Young Ex-Classmates will only approach me under the following circumstances:

1) When they are trying to sell me insurance.

2) When they are trying to con me into some lame-ass MLM scheme (You can make so much money, Sian :D!).

3) When they are getting married.

I received a call from my ex uni-mate just now, which was nothing short of amazing because she was like the number one hot babe in the faculty, and I was counting my lucky stars when I was randomly picked to be her project mate last time. Despite that, I think I have spoken less than 10 sentences with her sia, heh.

After some idle chatting, she casually asked if I was free this Friday, and I made the fatal mistake of saying ‘YES :D!’. And that is the reason why I will be attending her wedding tomorrow.

I tried to come up with some lame-ass excuse by saying I might cause distress to her guests because I have BO, but she assured me I smell perfectly fine. Oh well. I wonder when will it be my turn to con people into giving me ang pow sia :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. By the way what the current market rate for wedding ang pow huh? 5-star downtown hotel, weekend rate :(

The long and short about The Ex Chao Geng-er

2008-01-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone :D!

I have two terrible, terrible confessions for you guys today:

Terrible, Terrible Confession #01:
1) As mentioned, I spent the better half of my morning at the toilet that day after eating the chao sng chee cheong fun. But I am a Man Who Don’t Like To Waste Food, so I ate the remaining chee cheong fun for supper that night.

Ms Tan was not impressed at all when I took a Monday MC.

Terrible, Terrible Confession #02:
2) I have morphed into a Very Hardworking Boy.

Yes, shockingly enough, I have become the model worker in the office. There are so many tasks to do at work, I could hardly find time to pee or go to the pantry. I have even been doing a lot of unpaid OT just to make sure my work is duly completed.

To be perfectly frank, I am very ashamed for degenerating into a Hard Worker because I used to take pride in the fact that I take home good money for just playing Spider Solitaire in the office. But aiyah, a man got to move with the times…. A recession is lurking around the corner, and I sure don’t want to be the one getting the axe.

If my Boss wants to fire anyone, please let it be anyone but me, oh please!!!! I can’t afford to be jobless now because I have a mother to support, a laptop installment plan to service, and because I am still a virgin :(.

What this means is that I will be blogging on a very infrequent basis, like what’s happening for the past few months here, heh. But don’t worry, I still love you all :)!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about What I Had For Breakfast

2008-01-13T22:21:00.000+08:00

I had chee cheong fun this morning, very nice :D! But I think a bit chao sng, because after that I kept lao sai. Haha.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Nothing Much Really

2008-01-10T10:12:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone :D!!!!

I know, I know. . . . I haven’t been blogging much! Being the good and obedient boy I am, I am sneaking in an entry now despite the watchful eyes of Ms Tan. For some unknown reason, I have been separated from my usual desk with Nerd, and relocated to a cubicle nearer to her office since the New Year office reno. Walau.

I am blogging in peril because if that woman catches me blogging, that will be the end of me sia. But hey, anything for you guys :)

I shall list down the reasons why I haven’t been blogging:

1) I was busy partying over Christmas and the New Year.
As in, I was playing Mario Party 8.

2) I am too sad to blog because the digits on my weighing scale keeps getting higher and higher.
Which is why I think McDonald’s 24 hr delivery should be banned.

3) I have been very busy watching the latest Art Films on the internet.
Heh heh heh :)

4) I was figuring out how to spend the $2 million I won from Toto.
Then I woke up, walau.

5) It’s fashionable to close your blogs nowadays. Really

It’s so true regarding the last point! Just read Ollie’s blog to see what I mean.

And trust me, when you have a life as boring as mine, there’s really nothing much to blog about really! You guys can’t imagine how difficult it is for me to blog. I will be staring at my monitor for don’t-know-how-long before I give up and go back to my Art Films instead. And the whole cycle repeats over and over again. Very siong I tell you.

It will only be a matter of thing before the only thing I blog about is what I have for breakfast. Serious!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. On a happier sidenote, Nerd brought me to the sibeh atas Lawry’s for candlelight Christmas dinner. He is damn romantic sia :)

The long and short about Finicky Feline

2008-01-02T23:19:00.000+08:00

I am so sibeh sian. One of my favorite bloggers of all time have decided that she does not want to blog anymore :(

Like many, many others, I have faithfully followed the writings of the dear Finicky Feline since a few decades back. I have no idea why but for someone who also lacks a sex life, her life seems so much more interesting than mine. Oh well. My heart is so painful now, I have decided to pen an epic poem to commemorate one of the greatest bloggers of all time:

I Will Miss You, Finicky Feline!

“Oh Finicky Feline, oh Finicky Feline!
I will miss you and your writings, so very, very much!
Your words were so funny, your nickname is so kinky.
Oh Finicky Feline, I will miss you so very, very much!”

-Sibeh Sian
Winter, 2008

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Merry Christmas to Everyone :D!

2007-12-24T10:09:00.000+08:00

Ho ho ho, Merry Merry Christmas to everyone :D!!!!

I am in a very joyous mood because I am going for a short getaway, which means I don't have to face the evil visage of Ms Tan (yes, she's back in the office). I will also be unable to blog during this period of time, so here's a big 'paiseh' in advanc for the lack of updates, haha :D....

Hope you will be enjoying this Christmas too :)!!!!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Prawn Peeler

2007-12-13T23:39:00.000+08:00

I know this is going to make me sound very, very cheapo, but I just had my third free dinner at Ms Tan’s place. Tonight was this stewed tofu with braised duck meat and drunken prawns, yummy yummy yum yum :D!

Unfortunately, I think this is the last time I’m getting my free treat. I know this is going to make me sound very, very ungrateful, but I suspect Ms Tan’s mum is as schizo as her daughter :(

I asked Auntie if I can bring Nerd along, and she sounded so happy over the phone. In fact she was very happy when she was scooping rice for the two of us. Nerd was very happy too, and he started peeling the drunken prawns and fed me. I don’t know why but Auntie’s face turned black when she saw that, and was not that nice to us after that. It was really very scary, I tell you. But we still very buay paiseh and stayed for desserts because the momo-chacha smelled so damn good :)

There goes my free dinners :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The House Visit

2007-12-11T23:39:00.000+08:00

That Ms Tan is truly a world class malingerer. It’s been a whole week since the marathon, but that woman is still on MC due to heat exhaustion. If you ask me, I think she’s just trying to utilize her annual entitlement of medical leave, heh.

Anyway, being the very obedient subordinate that I am, I followed my Boss’ instructions and went to ~~spy on her~~ pay her a house visit. Knowing what kind of person she is, I was seriously apprehensive about the trip because she might serve me poisoned tea. I thus reminded myself not to accept any drinks or cookies (unless she happens to offer me potato chips, which I can’t resist).

I was mentally prepared for all sorts of hostility, and was thus woefully unprepared for what was waiting for me at her place: Her very, very friendly parents.

I have no idea why but Uncle and Auntie was very hospitable to me the moment I stepped into their place till I left. I think they are very extroverted people because if I were them, I would probably just shut myself in my room when my kid’s colleague come for house visits, which was exactly what Ms Tan did.

Although they were very nice folks, their friendliness started to spook me a little when they started asking some very personal questions, such as my dialect group, the composition of my immediate family, and whether if I like babies. Her mum even made me stay for the Hainanese chicken rice that she prepared, which tasted a lot like the ones they sell in kopitiams. I told Auntie her rice was very nice and she was very happy :)

She even told me to come for dinner often since I live nearby, which I politely declined because I am a good boy who do not like to take advantage of people’s hospitality. But since she’s preparing chicken soup, which I absolutely love, I find myself saying ‘ok’ to tomorrow night’s dinner.

So in conclusion, this house visit thingy is really quite a good deal, because I get to go off from work slightly earlier and get a free dinner too. I think I shall bring Nerd with me tomorrow sia :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Me & My Suay Mouth

2007-12-05T23:30:00.000+08:00

I have a really suay mouth sia.

That Ms Tan, aka master malingerer, has extended her MC by another two days. And for goodness’ sake, it’s really not my armpit ok? The evil woman is suffering from dehydration I think.

The bad news is that my Boss is very concerned about her, and have tasked me to give her a house visit tomorrow after work. He also told me to bring some chicken soup along.

Being the lovely subordinate I am, I will also give her some bottles of ~~expired~~ vintage chicken essence, which was left over from my uni days. I hope she will ~~extend her MC further so I can slack at work~~ get more days to recuperate at home.

I can be a really nice guy when I want to :)!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about I Hope It’s Not My Fault!

2007-12-04T22:22:00.000+08:00

I am getting a bit worried. Ms Tan has been on two days’ worth of MC already!

Maybe I should be nice and make some chicken soup for her.

. . . . Yah right, not in a million years :D!!!!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Very Very Long Run

2007-12-02T21:28:00.000+08:00

To all you concerned folks out there: I’ve survived :D!!!!

I know I have said this before, but I will say this again: I will not, I repeat, will not subject myself to this kind of torture ever again!

My day started horribly enough. Nerd offered to give me a ride all the way to the start point at Esplanade, but being the good friend I am I couldn’t take up his offer because that means the poor boy have to wake up at around 3 plus in the morning. However, I seriously regretted not ~~taking advantage~~ taking up his offer because my cab fare came to a staggering $30!!!!

As if that was not bad enough, the cab driver lost his way and I had to walk quite a distance to the starting line. I needed to pee urgently, but couldn’t because it was so near the start time already, damn. I eventually watered the bushes of Marina South, but I am now sibeh scared that the pics of my manhood will get STOMPed or something. Walau.

Even though I had the minimal of preparation, the completion of the marathon was made possible because of two main reasons:

1) I was mentally prepared of what I going to go through because this was my third marathon.

2) There were a lot, and I mean a lot of sexy girls to see in the marathon.

Man, you should be there to witness for yourself with regards to Point #02. There were toned babes running in the skimpiest of jogging shorts and sport bras, fresh-faced helpers who dished out the 100 Plus, and not forgetting the cheerleaders who went JIA YOU! JIA YOU! when I was panting like an idiot. I wasn’t that enthusiastic about the male cheerleaders though, heh :D

When I was finally reaching the finishing line, I saw someone whom I never thought I will be fated to meet in this marathon. But there was no mistaking the svelte figure in that familiar running attire and that bobbing ponytail tucked neatly in a pink jogging cap.

It was Ms Tan!!!!

Now I must say that usually I don’t exactly feel happy about bumping into her on the streets, but I was very excited because after a long run, you will be so happy to find a familiar face in a sea of strangers. So I called out to her and tried to catch up despite my legs which felt like lead.

She turned around when she heard me, and you wouldn’t believe what happened next: The unfeeling woman actually ignored me and started sprinting towards the finishing line!

I was obviously pissed by her open show of hostility, and thought to myself “Sian, you must show her who is The Man by finishing the race ahead of her.” So I picked up my pace and raced after her with the final ounce of energy that was left in me.

I have to hand it to Ms Tan. Despite being such an evil person she can sure run damn well. But I am not pushover of course, and was inching nearer and nearer until I finally came along side her.

Me: Ms Tan! Wait for me leh!!!!!

Ms Tan: . . . .

Me: Ms Tan, don’t like that leh!!!!

Ms Tan: . . . . Aiyoh just shut up lah you noisy man!!!!!

At that exact moment, Ms Tan lost her balance when some runner bumped into her, and to my horror, came falling towards my direction. Despite her evilness, I couldn’t let a fellow runner fall, and so I stretched my arms wildly with the hope of catching her.

And that was when she fell face-first into my sweaty left armpit.

Oh well.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Marathon Preparation

2007-11-27T23:42:00.000+08:00

I will be going for the StanChart Marathon this Sunday (the full one hor, don’t play play), and the following are the preparation I’ve done so far:

1) Exercised daily by taking the stairs instead of using the lift.

2) Maintained a healthy diet of fruits, vegetables, and KFC.

3) Bought a new pair of underwear.

4) Jogged religiously on an average of ~~twice weekly~~ ~~once weekly~~ about once every four weeks for the past few four weeks.

5) Worked up a sweat by playing Wii Tennis.

~~6) Refrained from wanking.~~

7) Caught Stardust over the weekend.

Being the honest boy I am, I must confess that all the above points are true except for #01. I gave up after a week because seriously, walking up two flights of stairs after a long hard day at work is not very easy. I also realized that Stardust has got nothing to do with the marathon whatsoever, but it was a very, very nice show nonetheless.

I think I am not very prepared for my marathon :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Better Mother

2007-11-22T13:02:00.000+08:00

Updated!

After relentless badgering from Nerd and Office Bimbo, I finally signed up for a Facebook account.

I’m beginning to think that was not a very wise decision after finding what my limited circle of friends think of me:

I am very, very disturbed.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

Update:
I was reading Beth’s comment about the ‘better mother’ thingy happening because I wrongly chose ‘female’ as my gender, and I thought to myself: Haha, there’s no way I am so stupid :D!

Then I checked my Facebook account and discovered that I have indeed changed my sex unknowingly :(

Anyway, just in case you guys are interested, I also got a vote for ‘Most Desired To Get Into Bed With’. The problem is so far I only have Nerd and Office Bimbo in my friend’s list. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it’s Bimbo who cast me that vote.

The long and short about The Real Man of Action

2007-11-18T23:36:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone!

Thanks for all the love and concern, and I am very fortunately still very much alive, haha. I am really very sorry for writing that sad entry and then go MIA all of a sudden.

To make up for that, I shall post a half-naked photo of myself for your viewing pleasure:

Jokes aside, I really wasn’t feeling exactly happy. Matters of the heart aside, I have been getting flak from Ms Tan for screwing up at work (again). I was also very upset because she refused to let me take my annual leave, which was going to be expired. I am usually a very ~~hum chee~~ gentle kind of guy, but that Friday, I couldn’t take it anymore during one of her scolding sessions and I think I snapped. I left after a “I am not going to see your ugly face for the next two weeks regardless of whether you like it or not.”

It felt really good when I said that, and I also felt very macho because I slammed the door too. I am such a bad boy sia, haha. But I am very scared now because I’m worried she might make me pay for the repairs.

I went straight to a travel agency after that, and the travel agent was very, very happy when I told him I needed an overseas vacation for 12 days. But I think he was not very happy when I told him my max budget was $1000.

Anyway, my moment of enlightenment came from a wise old man during my super extended stay in Sentosa. I was watching Rocky, and he was saying something cheem like “Life is not about how hard you can hit, but how many hits you can take”. I was very inspired, and I have decided not to run anyway anymore, but to face my demons, Ms Tan, with horns and all but with no fears.

I shall be a real Man of Action!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about I’m Late

2007-10-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

And so I finally made myself dial her numbers after hesitating for so long.

I heard a voice but it’s not hers.

It informs me that the numbers I dialed are not longer in use.

.
.
.
.

It’s better to be late than never, but when you’re late, things may be too late to change.

I’m really sorry for the spate of sad entries recently. I know you guys are here to have a laugh or two, so I will try my best to make my next entry a happier one. And thanks for all your nice birthday wishes! I promise I will write something soon.

I will try not to be late this time.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Birthday

2007-10-25T23:58:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone! Sorry for not blogging much recently, but I’ve been feeling kind of depressed recently. As of today, I am officially a 29 year old virgin :(

I didn’t want to spend my birthday all alone, so I asked Nerd a week back if he was free to come over for some Wii action tonight. And walau, he said he wasn’t because his KFC Girl has booked him for some stuff already. I hate to say this, but I really haven’t been hanging out with Nerd much ever since he got together with his beloved KFC Girl. I find it hard to blame him because if I have a Special Someone whom I can call my own, I will probably spend all my waking (and hopefully non-waking, heh) moments with her too. Oh well.

I was half hoping that maybe he or Office Bimbo will surprise me with a “HAPPY BIRTHDAY :)!” kind of thing today at the office, but that didn’t happen. So I took a half day off in the afternoon to cheer myself up. I think that was a bad decision because I wasted it by wondering aimlessly around at Funan looking at computer stuff which I can’t afford :(

I wanted to have a nice dinner at KFC, but decided to do a take-away instead because a kid was holding his birthday party there and the place was quite noisy. It was another bad decision because by the time I reach home the chicken was damn cold already. I tried to heat it up with my oven, but of all days it has to choose today to be spoilt. The coleslaw was a bit “chao seng” also :(

I played my Wii for a while but it didn’t feel that fun today, so I went to bed early. But after tossing and turning for hours I ended up sitting in front of my computer instead.

I wish I have the guts to call her, but I am a loser.

I wish you had a happy birthday, my Sushi Eating Friend.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Faux Paus Of The Day #48976

2007-10-21T23:38:00.000+08:00

Over dinner with a client just now:

Client: My hubby-to-be and I are almost done with our wedding preparations! All we are left with is to find a good solemniser and we’ll be done :)

Me: . . . .

Me: Pardon me, but why would you need a sodomiser for your wedding?!?!??!

There is no cure for stupidity :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about I Am A Terrible, Terrible Boy

2007-10-18T13:25:00.001+08:00

I have a terrible confession to make today.

I went for lunch just now, and as usual ordered from the Chinese Cooked Food Auntie. I was about to tuck into my meal happily when I noticed something different:

Instead of the usual three meatballs, I had four!

Being the greedy person I am, I ate that extra meatball happily without thinking twice about it. But I’m feeling terrible now because I didn’t pay the $0.30 that an extra meatball usually cost to the poor auntie, who might need it to support her family. What should I do now?!?!?!

I am a terrible, terrible boy :(!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Trip III

2007-10-15T13:08:00.000+08:00

I’m finally back! Back to blogging that is, heh.

To make a long story short, the past week had been a hellish week at work. I have been staying in the office way past my working hours and managed to reach home only at around midnight. I have absolutely no idea why Ms Tan was so nasty to me because by all accounts, I took great care of her during our week-long trip to Adelaide.

The Plane Ride:
Although I don’t like Ms Tan, I feel a sense of responsibility towards her because I am the only Man in this two-man trip. So I took the safety video instructions very seriously when the other passengers were busy reading/eating/sleeping. I even tried on the safety vest, which I kind of regretted because the stewardess had to rescue me after I accidentally inflated the damn thing.

I knew it was not going to be a very fun trip because the only thing Ms Tan said to me throughout our ride was “Excuse me I need to go to the washroom.” I also think she’s on a diet because she refused supper, so I helped myself to her breasts. As in her portion of the grilled chicken breast, ahem.

The Hotel:
Horror of horrors, the apartment our Boss booked was fully booked, and there was no way we could switch to separate rooms. The only consolation was that it was two single beds instead of one Queen, heh.

I really pity Ms Tan’s future hubby because, my goodness, it was a pain in the ass sleeping with Ms Tan. The mad woman insisted on burning this weird smelling aroma therapy oil at night, and it drove me mad because I absolutely cannot stand aroma therapy. To make matters worse, I forgot to pack my 風油 and there was no way I could rid myself of the horrible headache.

The Socialising:
Our Aussie host was very nice and hospitable, and brought us to a very nice and filling breakfast the next day. He also asked me if I had a good night’s rest, which I unfortunately have to reply “No I didn’t because she was driving me crazy in bed with her oil and I forgot to bring mine.” There was an awkward silence after that until my host broke into a nervous laugh, which I have no idea why because I don’t find that funny. Ms Tan didn’t find that funny either because she looked very pissed.

I hate to say this, but there’s really nothing much to do in Adelaide. I think Ms Tan really enjoys the casino though, because she spends most of our free time at night there. Which was a good thing for me, because I could read the ~~Playboy~~ National Geographic I bought undisturbed :)

The Presentation:
Besides the site visits and socializing, the main reason why we were in Adelaide in the first place was to give this big-assed presentation to our very important Aussie partners.

I thus got the shock of my life when Ms Tan took out my Playboy magazine from her briefcase.

Ms Tan was equally shocked too, and that was when I realized I had mistakenly placed the slide handouts into my briefcase instead of hers, and left my Playboy in hers instead. But being the very Clever Boy I am, I rectified the awkward situation by shouting, “I bought donuts for everyone :)!”

The Plane Ride Home:
I accidentally inflated the damn life jacket again!

I think Ms Tan don’t like me very much.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Trip II

2007-10-07T22:39:00.000+08:00

Updated!

I’M BACK :D!!!!

Yes, I have somehow managed to survive a nightmarish 7-day trip with the nightmarish Ms Tan. And trust me, it was not a very pleasant experience. Just take this simple conversation I had with her while we were posing for a picture for an example:

Me: Ms Tan, I look nicer with my left profile or right profile in pictures huh?

Ms Tan: . . . .

Ms Tan: Your back profile looks nicest.

I rest my case.

More about my horrible experiences tomorrow.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

Update:

Really paiseh to everyone! This was unexpected, but I was saddled with an incredible amount of work by Ms Tan ever since we came back from the trip. I would have thought she would be nicer to me after everything that we’ve been through together in Adelaide, but obviously I was wrong.

Then again, maybe it was precisely because of what we’ve been through together in Adelaide that she is so nasty. Heh.

More about my horrible experiences ~~tomorrow~~ ~~maybe the day after tomorrow~~ I promise some day after today :)

The long and short about The Trip

2007-10-01T11:22:00.000+08:00

The Good News:
I can’t believe this!

The Boss just summoned me into his office just now. Office Bimbo was supposed to go on a working trip to Adelaide starting this evening, but she can’t make it at the very last minute. So I am going on the all-expenses paid ‘vacation’ with allowance instead :)

The Not-So-Good News:
I doubt I’ll be blogging for the rest of the week.

The Bad News:
Office Bimbo was supposed to go with Ms Tan. Meaning I will be going with Ms Tan instead. They were supposed to share a twin room, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed they have amended that arrangement :P

Wish me luck :D!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I am going home now to pack my Ling Ling :)

The long and short about What I Learnt From Dieting

2007-09-27T00:13:00.000+08:00

People, my diet plans for the last few days may not have ended with any pounds shed, but I learned two very, very important and valuable lessons instead:

Lesson #01:
Never ever start a bad habit, no matter how innocent it may seem at that point of time.

For me, it was that single piece of Chicken In A Biscuit that did me in. I thought it was just a bite so it’s not gonna matter, but it did. That single bite led to one whole packet, which in turn led to the McDonald’s, which in turn led to my 3-piece meal at KFC the next day.

I officially announce here that my dieting has ended as a complete disaster.

Lesson #02:
Having two double cheeseburgers with mayonnaise after midnight is damn shiok :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Day 2 (+ 3 Hours) Of Diet

2007-09-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

I finished one whole packet of Chicken In A Biscuit by myself.

Even though I have Resolves of Steel, I unfortunately also have Fingers of Hunger who naughtily dialed McDonald’s delivery just now.

Then my Mouth of Greed asked for an upsize. Walau.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Day 2 Of Diet

2007-09-24T20:53:00.000+08:00

That damn chicken on the packet of Chicken In A Biscuit is screaming “Eat me! EAT ME!”, but I shall resist because I have resolves made of Steel.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Things I Do To Look Good

2007-09-23T22:50:00.000+08:00

Being a Man of Action, I have decided to take positive steps towards making myself more hamsen and attractive.

I am glad to report here that the heavy rain this morning did not deter me from running, and I did an amazing 100 rounds. Around my HDB flat. (Actually I lost count after 8 rounds, but I’m quite sure it was close to 100 rounds) The even more amazing thing was that I did an impressive 30 push-ups before my run as a warm up. This may not sound like a lot, but I have to remind you that the last time I did push-ups was in BMT. Heh.

I was really sweaty after the run, but being very mindful of my facial condition, I actually used those blotting sheets to ‘de-oil’ my face. Being a very smart boy, I used both sides of the blotter so I can save money, haha. I also took a long bath after that, and even used a moisturizer! I still prefer soap though.

Just in case you are thinking I must have had a very heavy lunch in view of my physical exertions, haha, you are wrong! My tummy is getting really bulgy, so I actually forgo my meals. It was tough, but my resolves are made of Steel. I also went for a 4 hour nap to fight the cruel hunger.

It is now close to midnight, and the only thing I ate was one bao and one cup of milo during dinner just now. I think I shall go sleep soon so I don’t have to feel hungry, haha.

But I have to wait for my mask to be ok first. Being a hamsen boy is very, very difficult.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Match Maker II

2007-09-21T00:09:00.001+08:00

KFC Girl showed my picture to her friend, who promptly decided she is not interested in meeting up with me. Walau.

There goes my chance of free KFC!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Match Maker

2007-09-19T23:48:00.000+08:00

I don’t know if this is good news or not, but that Nerd anyhow go and tell his KFC Girl that I am very lonely. So she is going to hook me up with her good friend, who also works at KFC.

I asked her if her friend is good-looking, and she cryptically replied with a “very good looking, as good looking as you”. I am now very confused.

But on the bright side, maybe I’ll get free fried chicken for the rest of my life sia :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Happiness

2007-09-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

I have decided not to tell Nerd about the secret of KFC Girl.

Ever since Nerd has got together with her, he has been a very happy boy. There’s that extra spring in his steps, that extra sparkle in his eyes, and the way his heart goes thumpy-thump thump every time he’s with her.

As long as he’s happy, I guess that’s all that matters :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Why I Am A Winner #46512

2007-09-16T23:13:00.000+08:00

Nerd and I decided that we should take a short break and go on a holiday together. We were hoping for a good deal, and thus made our way to Suntec for the NATAS fair over the weekend.

We only realized the fair was not held in Suntec, but in Singapore Expo after we wondered around the place for 10minutes. Walau. We were also approached by this uncle who was doing a bridal exhibition.

What the ?!?!?!?

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about How To Propose. In A Romantic Way.

2007-09-14T13:21:00.000+08:00

A colleague of mine was telling us during tea time how he was planning to propose. He intended to bring his girlfriend shopping over the weekend, and then take her to SK and pick a ring.

Eh, that’s about it.

“Men!” exclaimed Office Bimbo, “Can be the most unromantic of creatures.”

Although Office Bimbo is not known for her intellectual views, I have to admit she does make sense. But being a Man of Action, I am determined to change that perception! Even though I don’t even have a girlfriend, I have brainstormed a list of damn lomantic ways to pop The Question:

1) The Singaporean Technique
As the name suggest, this will only work if you are a Singaporean or PR. It is very simple but effective: all you need to do is to grab her hands, look deep into her eyes, and whisper the words, “Honey, let’s go apply for an HDB flat ok?”. Then you pause dramatically for effect before following with a “At Punggol :)!”.

This method is highly recommended because you are showing your sincerity by committing to a lengthy and expensive purchase with her. After she is done with her tears of joy, you can go into details such as 4 room/5 room, interest rates, and payment periods.

2) The Dramatic Technique
Tell her she can’t say no because you are pregnant.

3) The Wait & Delay Technique
The unique thing about this proposing technique is that you don’t propose at all. In fact, all you need to do is to do nothing, and act noncommittal all the way. Once your girlfriend approaches 30, she will start to panic, and if you are lucky she will be the one proposing instead. You will also get to save on the very expensive proposal ring :)

4) The Food Technique
They say a Singaporean is happiest when they are eating, so it makes sense to propose midway through your meal. In fact, if I were you, I will bring her to McDonald’s. She will be very Happy when she finds a ring in her Happy Meal.

Alternatively, if she doesn’t like Mc’s, you can hide your proposal ring in her plate of char kway teow. She will be most touched by your romantic gesture when she discovers the ring, provided she doesn’t bite too hard and suffer a chipped tooth.

5) The Poetic Technique
This is arguably the most difficult method of them all. To start off, you need to pen a heart-felt poem to show how important she is in your life. The following is an example of a good poem that I came up with myself:

“Oh my darling (insert name of your girlfriend here),
You are such a sweet little honeybee !
I can’t imagine my life without you near me,
So will you please agree to marry me :)?”

After your work of art is completed, send it to a radio station and beg them to broadcast it. When your girlfriend (and all her friends) hears it, she will be so touched she will love you forever. I think. And don't worry too much if the radio stations reject your request, because you can still broadcast your love with a loud hailer in Orchard.

I think I can be quite romantic when I want to. Heh :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Busy 小弟

2007-09-12T11:24:00.000+08:00

Just in case you guys are wondering, Sushi Eating Friend is attached. And not to me. That’s the reason why I didn’t want her to know that I was the one getting the congee. But that is not important because the really important thing is that she enjoyed the congee (I hope), and that is all that matters.

By the way the congee seller called me 小弟. I feel so young sia :)

Time to get back to my piles of work now.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Congee Eating Friend

2007-09-10T12:06:00.001+08:00

Being the very good friend I am, I made up my mind to tell Nerd about his KFC Girl.

But based on his responses the other day, I reckon I will need some hard evidence first. From what I remember of KFC Girl’s Friendster photos, she and her ah beng boyfriend always seems to hang out at West Mall, so I armed myself with my trusty digicam and headed there after work last week.

I did bump into someone familiar, but it was not KFC Girl.

It was Sushi Eating Friend’s Mum. And Sushi Eating Friend was in the hospital.

It turns out that the poor girl is down with dengue. I recalled Sushi Eating Friend once mentioning about this Changi stall that serves the best congee ever, and if she ever stays in a hospital that will be the only thing she wants to eat.

I have no idea why, but the next thing I know I was on the cab to Changi.

It’s a good thing she has been discharged already, because I bet she was sick of congee after three days worth of it. Heh. I just hope she never quizzed her mum why she was so free to get congee for her everyday sia.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I just realized I totally forgot about getting the evidence for Nerd :(

The long and short about My Calling In Life

2007-09-09T00:09:00.001+08:00

Really sorry folks, couldn’t blog the past few days because I was taking care of Sushi Eating Friend.

Eh, more on that next time!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about No Evidence Already

2007-09-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

Holy Macaroni!

I tried to view KFC Girl’s Friendster account just now, but discovered that it’s now accessible to friends only. And her profile pic is not the couple shot with her ah beng boyfriend already!

Like this how to show Nerd?!?!?!?!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. Eh, just in case you are reading this, eh, KFC Girl, I’m not talking about you for the past few entries! Really!

The long and short about The Bearer Of Bad News III

2007-09-04T12:04:00.000+08:00

Being the Sensitive Man I am, I decided to tell Nerd about his not-so-homely KFC Girl through some very subtle means:

1) I asked Nerd what does he think of girls who profess to love KFC, but also eats McDonald’s when no one is looking.
Nerd says that is perfectly ok. Damn, my analogy is ~~lousy~~ not very good.

2) I told Nerd that one of my friend’s girlfriend is two-timing him, and I don’t know what to tell him
That nerd told me that in this kind of situation, it is better to do nothing because True Love will take its course. WTH?!?!?

3) I asked Nerd what would he do if his KFC Girl is two-timing him.
His reply: “LOL! That will never happen :D!”

I was racking my brains for some better ways to hint him when he came over to my desk just now.

Nerd: Eh Mr Sian, were you trying to tell me something this morning?

Me: . . . . Nerd, you have to listen very carefully to what I am going to tell you now. *proceeds to hold him by the shoulders*

Me: . . . . Girls, you can’t trust them too much because they might end up breaking your heart ok?

Me: But guys are different! I will always be around here when you need me ok?

Nerd: . . . . Oh Mr Sian, you are so nice to me! *proceeds to give me a tight brotherly hug*

I have no idea why but Ms Tan chose that exact moment to enter our cubicle. She left without saying a word, but she looked very, very disturbed.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Bearer Of Bad News II

2007-09-01T01:16:00.000+08:00

I have not told Nerd about what I saw that day. Yet.

The main reason for my non action is because I don’t want to make that mistake I made last time with Ms Tan and her dad. So instead of real office work, I did a lot of detective work for the past two days instead. Being a very Clever Boy, I managed to worm out KFC Girl’s email account from Nerd, and after several tries and a lucky guess later, I finally managed to discover her Friendster account just now.

I was to be utterly shocked because her status shows she is married!

Ok ok, I think that the ‘married’ status is probably just a misnomer because she’s only 20 this year. A quick check through her photo gallery though, confirms that the guy I saw holding her hands that day is her boyfriend. After going through her testimonials I also realized they have been together for 8 months already.

I have no idea what I should do now. Being ~~the coward~~ the sensitive guy I am, I am also toying with the idea of passing the role of bad news bearer to Office Bimbo.

But whatever it is, I think I better act fast because Nerd just cheerily told me the other day that his dad knows the Tiffany people and can get a discount.

See lah that Nerd, that time I told him not to eat too much KFC already.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Bearer Of Bad News

2007-08-30T14:56:00.000+08:00

Holy Macaroni.

I think I saw ~~KFC Girl holding hands with some guy~~ something that I shouldn’t have seen while lunching with a client just now.

What shall I do?!?!?!?

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Homely Girls

2007-08-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

Despite that very embarrassing situation with Office Bimbo the other day, I’m glad to report here that there haven’t been any awkwardness between us. In fact, we still lunch together almost everyday.

I suspect this is because besides me and Nerd, the rest of the folks in the office don’t really like to have lunch with her. Heh.

Anyway, one of the more popular lunch topics recently is about Homely Girls. Or to be more specific, how all the eligible men in Office Bimbo’s life have been getting snatched by Homely Girls.

I told her not to worry too much because the solution to her problem is actually very simple: All she needs to do is to become a homely girl herself. I was even nice enough to compile a list of that makes an ultimate Homely Girl for her:

1) The 5 Shouldn’ts
Basically, a Homely Girl shouldn’t 1) smoke, 2) drink, 3) club, 4) swear, 5) gamble. Not a very tall order lah, haha. Come to think of it, they also shouldn’t 6) spit. Eh, as in spitting in public.

2) Fashion:
If you really want to be a Homely Girl, then you should do your shopping at very homely and wholesome fashion stores such as Giordano, Bossini, and Hang Ten. Of course, every girl needs to pamper themselves from time to time such as during Chinese New Year. On special occasions such as these, it’s permissible that you shop at high-end boutiques such as This Fashion.

3) Dining:
A Homely Girl takes pride in dining at the humble kopitiam, and prefers char kway teow over caviar, champagne, and foie gras. In fact, they often cook their own meals, and scout for the freshest ingredients at wet markets with their mums. They avoid expensive restaurants unless it’s a special occasion such as birthdays or anniversaries. Only then will they finally relent and place an order for a Crispy two-piece meal.

4) Jewelry:
Even Homely Girls like to get pampered with gifts from time to time, and I would recommend the highly rated Perlini’s Silver. For special occasions such as proposals, you can wow your Homely Girl with a nice bling bling from the very branded Taka Jewellery. In fact, instead of the usual boring diamond and platinum, a much better choice would be good old yellow gold and exquisite jade bangles.

I have no idea why, but after going through my list Office Bimbo told me she would rather be a spinster than to be a Homely Girl.

Sigh.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Brands

2007-08-26T22:27:00.000+08:00

Nerd is obsessed with his KFC Girl.

Even though they are not officially a couple yet (or maybe that’s the reason why), Nerd has been racking his brains on how to make her happy. In fact, he has been bugging everyone on what would make a nice gift for her, and that Office Bimbo offhandedly commented “Just get her a Tiffany lah”.

I initially thought Office Bimbo was very suaku because I thought Tiffany was some ulu brand (I have only heard of Soo Kee and Goldheart). You can thus imagine my shock when I realized how ~~over-priced~~ expensive they are.

Me: Ok, I’ve checked and your Tiffany’s and Cartier are indeed very expensive. But I just can’t comprehend what makes them so expensive.

Office Bimbo: Sian, you just don’t get it do you?

Office Bimbo: It’s the brand ok? Everything is about the brand!

I spent the weekend reflecting on what Office Bimbo said, and decided that she does make a lot of sense. I’ve thus advised Nerd to get something from Taka Jewellery, because I bet the jewelry from the very branded Takashimaya must be quite good sia.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Little Blue Box

2007-08-23T22:52:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone! Eh, I’m rushing for time so I have to make this a really short one: Does anyone have any idea how much does a Tiffany cost?

Thanks thanks :)!!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Dates

2007-08-21T13:01:00.000+08:00

Ok, I am finally free and composed enough to talk about the shocking events of Saturday.

Being a Man of Action, I took much pain to ensure that I was well prepared for the date: my Batik shirt was neatly pressed, my hair carefully slicked back, and I even brought along some Kit Kat for Office Bimbo.

Unfortunately, the only thing she said when we met up was that she’s dieting, and even if she wasn’t she only takes expensive chocolates from Godiva. Walau.

Anyway, I have no idea how this happened, but our seats were just next to Nerd and his KFC Girl! I was of course very happy and wanted to sit next to Nerd, but Office Bimbo insisted on having that seat (I think it was because it was more to the middle of the screen), so I let her.

I think Office Bimbo was bullshitting about dieting because she kept asking for Nerd’s nuts and cola throughout the show. She was also very selfish because she ignored me when I asked her to pass me some of Nerd’s nuts. Too much sia. In the end I just ate my Kit Kat, which fortunately was very delicious :)

But one redeeming point about Office Bimbo was that she was very friendly. Even though it was our date, she graciously invited Nerd and KFC Girl to have dinner together when the show was over. But I think that Nerd was more interested about having a private dinner with his KFC Girl because they actually sneaked away while we were in the loo and refused to pick up our calls thereafter. Very naughty ah, that Nerd.

Eventually, Office Bimbo and I ended up at KFC alone. I was afraid the chicken was making her nauseous because she didn’t spoke a word throughout the dinner, until she suddenly broke the silence.

Office Bimbo: Why, Sian, why?!?!?!? Why isn’t the object of my affection paying attention to me? Am I not attractive enough?!?!?

Me: No lah no lah, you are very attractive one! (I’m not a cheekopek but my eyes wondered a while to her plunging neckline when she said that, aiyoh)

Office Bimbo: Then why :(?

Me: Hmmm. . . . Ok, I usually joke too much for my own good, but I am going to be very serious for a while ok?

Me: *clears throat*

Me: Bimbo, I am not ready to take our relationship to the next level because if truth is to be told, there is someone deep inside my heart I can’t let go off yet.

Me: Do you understand what I’m saying?

Office Bimbo: . . . .

Office Bimbo: . . . . I was talking about Nerd, you dick-head.

And that’s the long and short about how I embarrassed myself thoroughly over the weekend.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Shocking News

2007-08-19T22:38:00.000+08:00

I have shocking news for everyone today:

Office Bimbo is not in crush with me, but with Nerd!!!!

This was really totally unexpected. Will elaborate on what happened once I get over my shock.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Date :)

2007-08-18T09:46:00.000+08:00

It’s confirmed: Office Bimbo is so in crush with me :D!!!!

The girl called me at 3am last night and ~~ordered~~ invited me to watch Secret with her this afternoon. I protested that I’ve watched Secret already and thus suggested 881, but before I could finish she shut me off with a “I DON’T CARE I WANT TO WATCH SECRET!!!!”.

I think she’s probably a big fan of Jay Chou or something.

But it’s ok! It’s been ages since I last went on a date, and I was so excited I could hardly sleep last night. I think I shall go iron my favorite Batik shirt and get ready my KFC coupons now :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. Coincidentally, Nerd is watching Secret too with his KFC Girl at the same cinema at the same time! Haha, it’s such a small world :)

The long and short about Nerd’s Date

2007-08-17T00:11:00.000+08:00

Nerd is a very happy boy.

After 2 weeks of furious MSNing and SMSing, KFC Counter Girl has finally agreed to go on a date with him. Nerd is understandably nervous, but being the very nice friend I am, I gave him three tips on how to score and not screw-up in the weekend date:

1) Treat her to a nice dinner
Since she works at KFC, I am sure she will be very touched if Nerd treats her to the delicious stuff she smells everyday.

2) Be appropriately dressed for the first date
Nerd wanted to wear his tuxedo, but I wisely told him not to be a cock because nobody wears a tuxedo on the first date, but the second.

2) Do bring her to watch Secret
I bet she will get all misty-eyed and collapse into Nerd’s arms at the end of the show. If he’s lucky, he might even get a chance to impress her with his piano skills, heh.

If all things go well, Nerd will get to send her home and get the all-important goodnight kiss. I just hope he won’t do something stupid, like bringing his ‘Sally’ along.

Sigh. I also wanna go on a date sia.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about I Am Not A Kaypoh

2007-08-15T00:02:00.000+08:00

Before I say anything, I just want everyone to know that I am not those kaypoh type of people who spreads malicious gossips. But I just have to share what I saw just now.

I was on my way home from yet another light char kway teow supper, when of all people, I have to bump into Ms Tan and her ‘friend’ again.

The only difference is that this time, they saw me too.

Ms Tan: Daddy, this is Sibeh Sian.

Ms Tan: He is the idiot who told the entire office that I’m your kept woman.

I was left speechless. I still can’t believe I heard Ms Tan confessing she has a sugar daddy!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I think I will play smart this time and only tell the Office Cleaning Auntie about this. Heh.

The long and short about My Weekend With Nerd

2007-08-13T00:16:00.000+08:00

I discovered quite a few things about Nerd from the weekend stay.

1) He sleeps in SpongeBob pajamas.

2) Nerd really, really loves his smelly childhood pillow. Even though I also love my smelly childhood pillow to bits, I didn’t go into the extent of bringing it along with me to NS or when I go over to my friends’ place for sleepovers. Just in case you are interested, he calls ‘her’ Sally.

3) We were watching Secret and I was remarking to him that this Jay Chou can play the piano really well. Nerd nonchalantly replied he can do the same thing, and I thought he was bullshitting until he demo-ed at Carrefour after the show. Needless to say I was sibeh impressed.

4) Nerd is very sweaty in bed. Or maybe that’s because we never turned the air-con on. We couldn’t turn the air-con on because for some reason, my mum refused to let us close the master bedroom door. I think she’s trying to save on electricity or something.

5) Nerd was very touched when mum bought him chee cheong fun, which turned out to be his favourite breakfast. He was so touched, he wanted her to be his god-mum. But I think he freaked her out by asking “Auntie, can I call you Mum?”

I am having a hard time falling asleep tonight because that idiot Nerd took my Ling Ling by mistake, and I’m left with his Sally.

Sally smells kind of weird sia.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Slow Bath

2007-08-09T23:05:00.000+08:00

Updated!

Sorry for the lack of update folks. Something happened the other day and somehow that took away all my drive to blog. Oh well.

I will be heading straight to bed after I bathe, right after that Nerd is done. I don’t know why he is taking such a long time at the bathroom sia.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I almost forgot. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE :)!!!!

Update:

You people have a very dirty mind. Yes, Nerd is staying at my place over the long weekend, but all he is here for is just some good clean fun with my Wii Wii ok?

Heh.

The long and short about I Have No Idea Why

2007-08-05T23:53:00.000+08:00

I have no idea why, but all the women around me seems to be pissed with me.

My Mum:
My mum is pissed with me because I overslept and did not accompany her to the market this morning. She responded by not cooking my favorite chicken chop for lunch, and made me some yucky fish porridge instead. Not that I'm mean or anything, but it was so bad even my mum refused to touch it after a while. We eventually compromised and ordered KFC.

Office Bimbo:
For some reason she is pissed that Nerd is making good progress on KFC Counter Girl. I think she is upset because our relationship is moving at a snail’s pace in comparison. I think I shall be kind to her by bringing her some of the ~~leftover fish porridge~~ fish porridge that I saved just for her.

By the way she denied that she was the one who sent me the damn nice poem when I asked her about it. I never knew she was so shy, but I guess that’s how girls behave when they are in love. Sibeh heng I read those Teenage magazines last time, otherwise I would have absolutely no idea what makes girls tick sia.

Ms Tan:
Suffice to say, she was very pissed with me for spilling the beans on her. Being the Clever Boy I am, I attempted to salvage the situation by emailing everyone that I was drunk that night so what I saw may not necessarily be true. My Boss responded by telling me “You hong gan lah! Why never share such juicy news with me earlier :D?”

I hope I did the right thing, because she just messaged me to tell me to report to her office the first thing in the morning again. I don’t believe in bribery, but I think I shall bring some bean curd for her just in case she gets hungry.

Why am I feeling the Monday blues already?!?!?

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Stupid Kaypoh

2007-08-03T23:07:00.000+08:00

I know you guys are curious, so here’s what happened that morning at Ms Tan’s office:

Ms Tan: Do you know why I ordered you here the first thing in the morning?

Me: I know Ms Tan, and I am really, really sorry for what I did! I really shouldn’t have told the office about you did with that uncle that night!

Ms Tan: . . . .

Ms Tan: Actually, I asked you here because I wanted to congratulate you on the job well done for the recent project.

There is no cure for stupidity.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about I Am So Dead #564564

2007-08-01T23:20:00.001+08:00

I just received an SMS from Ms Tan telling me to report to her office THE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING, in capital letters.

I am so dead.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. In other news, KFC Counter Girl really did give Nerd her number. What is this world coming to :P?!?!?!?

The long and short about My Tainted Reputation

2007-07-30T22:34:00.000+08:00

My goodness, gossips really spreads fast and goes all haywire.

Being the non-kaypoh guy I am, I only told Nerd about what I saw last night. Being the non-kaypoh person Nerd was, he only told Office Bimbo about it. And being the very kaypoh person Office Bimbo was, she had to tell the whole office about it.

The bad thing about gossips is that second-hand and third-hand information gets all twisted up in the end. I only get to realize how twisted gossips can get when the Office Cleaning Auntie asked me if it is true that I was kissing Ms Tan below her apartment last night.

Somebody please clear my name please!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Scandal

2007-07-29T23:09:00.000+08:00

I am very, very disturbed.

Before I say anything, I just want everyone to know that I am not those kaypoh type of people who spreads malicious gossips. But I just have to share what I saw just now.

I was on my way home after some light supper (2 x egg prata + 2 x kosong) when I saw someone in a figure-hugging dress stepping out of this big-assed Mercedes. This is of course nothing out of the norm, but I decided to have a second look at the person because ~~she was in a figure-hugging dress~~ she looked kind of familiar.

It was Ms Tan.

What was scandalous was not the fact that she was in a figure-hugging dress. What was scandalous was that she turned around and started kissing the uncle in the driver’s seat, who looked at least 20 years her senior!

I am not one to gossip, so I won’t tell the whole world about it. I think I will just keep it to myself and my colleagues.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Damn Nice Poem

2007-07-26T22:16:00.001+08:00

Today is a sibeh nice day :)

Not only do I get to ~~slack~~ recuperate at home because of my super-extended MC, my heart did a triple somersault after I read this gem of a poem:

Get well, Get well, Get well soon!

“Flu flu go away
Cough cough go away
All illness go away
Make Sibeh Sian healthy again!”

- Anonymous
2007

The poem came in a mini pink card, and I must say it’s a really good feeling getting stuff in the mail box from your secret admirer.

That silly Office Bimbo, why does she have to pretend pretend when everything’s already so darn obvious :D?

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Flu

2007-07-25T12:01:00.000+08:00

Sorry folks, am down with a terrible flu, will not be blogging much for the next few days. I think.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Hard-To-Please Girl

2007-07-22T22:15:00.000+08:00

Office Bimbo has been hospitalized!

Apparently, she has been vomiting left, right and center after having too much seafood during her weekend JB trip. That silly girl, I told her too much hum is harmful for her, but she wouldn’t listen. Oh well.

Being the good friend I am, I made the long trip to the damn faraway hospital just now. I even promised to bring her the very nice congee I heard her raved about the other time, because I know hospital food can suck big time.

I really should have saved my efforts if I know how that Bimbo would react.

Me: Haha, you must be very happy to see me right? Anyway, here’s the congee I promised just now!

Office Bimbo: Thank you so much!!!! I am so hungry now!

Office Bimbo: . . . . Wait a minute. This is not congee.

Office Bimbo: THIS IS LAKSA!

Me: Oh! I think the congee uncle close shop on Sunday afternoons, so I bought you something from the very famous nearby laksa stall instead!

Me: I asked for extra hum too :)

For some reason, Office Bimbo got pissed and refused to touch the laksa. I decided to save the laksa for Nerd, and for some reason Office Bimbo got very excited when she heard he will be visiting. She got even happier when she heard he is getting some stuff for her too.

I thus have no idea why she got very pissed when he finally arrived with a bucket of KFC.

Oh well. Some girls are just so hard to please!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Horrible Dream

2007-07-20T00:38:00.001+08:00

I must get this off my chest before I go mad: I just had the most disturbing dream, ever.

I dreamt that I was playing catching on the beach with Office Bimbo, who was in her very, very tiny white bikini. But when I finally caught her and spun her around, she morphed into Ms Tan and kissed me on the lips.

I am very, very disturbed. Can someone interpret my dream please?

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I think my mum is not going to be very happy when she checks my bedsheet tomorrow.

The long and short about The Delusional Boy

2007-07-18T22:52:00.000+08:00

Nerd has really done it!

I have been egging him on to ask for KFC Counter Girl’s phone number, and he really asked for it when he was placing his order for a two-piece meal during lunch. I hereby admit that Nerd has more balls than me.

And I must say KFC Counter Girl is a model KFC employee. She said she will pass Nerd her MSN if Nerd has lunch at KFC for the whole of July.

To be frank, I’m kind of worried because it’s not human to consume pieces after pieces of trans-fat-laden fried chicken for an entire month (although I must add they are great tasting trans-fat-laden fried chicken). I hope Nerd will not get his heart broken by a girl again, nor get his heart broken by cholesterol.

In the meantime, I have another piece of evidence that Office Bimbo has the hots for me: she actually bought breakfast for me this morning. And the shy girl, she pretended she let me have the chui kueh only because she didn’t realized Nerd was only in for work in the afternoon.

It feels so good when you know people are nursing a crush on you :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. As you people can probably guess, I have been sibeh, sibeh busy with work. Will reply all your sibeh wonderful, lovely, and breath-taking comments over the weekend! Heh.

The long and short about The MRT Message

2007-07-17T21:39:00.000+08:00

I was very pissed when I heard this message on the train this morning:

“For the convenience of all passengers, please move to the center of the car.”

Walau. If I can afford a car, I will still take MRT meh?!?!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Shy Office Bimbo

2007-07-16T00:04:00.000+08:00

Holy Macaroni! I think Office Bimbo is interested in me.

I am saying this because that girl has been calling me incessantly over the weekend. But the silly girl, I think she is shy because instead of talking about us, she kept asking me about the latest developments between Nerd and KFC Counter Girl. Haha, I think she is the shy type who likes to beat about the bush.

I spent my day racking my brains on what she sees in me, and sadly, I couldn’t think of any. Then I realized she must have been very impressed with my dancing at Zouk :)

I am so looking forward to work tomorrow :)!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Sexy Dancer

2007-07-12T23:35:00.000+08:00

I can’t believe I let Office Bimbo talk me into going Zouk with her last night.

When Adrenaline first brought me there a good ten years ago, I didn’t enjoy it very much because of various reasons: the music was too loud, the place was too smoky, and all the girls ignored me.

After some hard self-examination, I concluded that the reason why I was ignored was because I couldn’t dance to save my life. But being a Man of Action, I have spent the last ten years perfecting my dancing, and I dare say I am now a pretty good dancer. I even managed to perfect the Chicken Payback dance moves PJ showed me a long time ago:

Despite my awesome dancing, no babes offered to buy me a drink. Oh well.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The KFC Counter Girl

2007-07-10T23:48:00.000+08:00

Updated!

Nerd was looking kind of sad yesterday, so being the nice friend I am, I did something that I know will cheer him up immediately: I treated him to KFC.

I didn’t know being nice can lead to so many things:

1) We got more than what we bargained for, really. Instead of the two-piece meal we ordered, the counter girl gave us a three-piece meal by mistake. I feel like such a winner!

2) Nerd got more than what he bargained for, really. Nerd thinks the KFC Counter Girl likes him because she was smiling sweetly at him, and has since been bugging me to go KFC again. I happily obliged. Unfortunately, we didn’t get a free upgrade this time.

3) Office Bimbo think Nerd is nuts because in her own words, “She smiled at you because she is a counter girl, you idiot!”. She also tried to dissuade us from going to KFC again because she claims that KFC is bad for health. We think she is crazy because everybody knows KFC is wholesome goodness.

I am crossing my fingers that Nerd will take his relationship with KFC Counter Girl to a level beyond the KFC counter. She looks nice, with her cheerful smile and bouncy ponytail, and I think she and Nerd will make a really cute couple.

Not to mention, I can probably get to enjoy free KFC in the future :)!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

Update:

That Nerd is obsessed!

He went for KFC for dinner again just now (I didn’t join him because even I can only stand so many pieces of chicken at one go). He happily SMSed me that he’s now 90% convinced KFC Counter Girl is interested in him because not only did she smiled at him, she also obliged his request for additional sachets of ketchup.

Heh.

The long and short about Poor Nerd

2007-07-09T10:59:00.000+08:00

Nerd: Would you guys like to come for my convocation later this month? I have two tickets, haha. . . .

Office Bimbo: Huh? You parents should be attending instead what!

Nerd: They say they are not free, haha. . . .

Just in case you are interested, his elder brother graduated with 1st Class Honors from Imperial College. Nerd told me later in the loo that his folks were not interested in going because they felt his Second Upper in NTU was not worth their time.

I feel sad for Nerd sia :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Grasshopper

2007-07-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

I am very, very excited when Nerd showed me this.

If you must know, I have always dreamt of being a professional poet. I see this Golden Point Award thingy as a golden opportunity, and I immediately grabbed my pen to come up with the following entry:

The Grasshopper

“There was once a noisy grasshopper,
Who made a lot of noise.
Crkk Crkk Crkk, Crkk Crkk Crkk.
It was very noisy.”

-Sibeh Sian
Autumn, 2007

Nerd thinks it’s brilliant. Even Office Bimbo say it’s my best work so far :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Misadventures of Nerd

2007-07-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

The following details the crimes committed by Nerd in his first day at the office:

1) Nerd arrived fashionably late for work because Sibeh Sian treated him to the damn nice You Char Kuay and kopi stall near the office.

2) The pair got lashed verbally by the evil Ms Tan for arriving late, albeit fashionably so. She also cruelly rejected their generous offer of Fried You Char Kuay.

3) Nerd spoilt the coffee-making machine at approximately 10:17am. To prevent his career from ending prematurely, Nerd decided to take Sibeh Sian’s advice to pretend he has got nothing to do with it.

4) Nerd spoilt the fax machine at approximately 11:23am.

5) The pair decided to go for an early lunch with Office Bimbo, who celebrates Nerd’s first day by buying lunch at the damn nice dim sum restaurant near the office.

6) The three got lashed verbally by the evil Ms Tan for returning very late from lunch.

7) The Boss was very, very pissed when he discovered the spoilt coffee-making machine. By his orders, no one gets to go home until the culprit owns up.

8) The Boss was pacified when Nerd bought him some kopi from the damn nice You Char Kuay and kopi stall. He told all of us to learn from Nerd.

9) Nerd accidentally activated the fire alarm at approximately 5:34pm.

In other news, I am now the proud owner of a SpongeBob mouse pad, a SpongeBob stress ball, and a whole set of SpongeBob stationery courtesy of Nerd. I am so looking forward to getting massaged by his SpongeBob portable vibrator tomorrow.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Job

2007-06-30T11:49:00.000+08:00

I can’t believe this.

Nerd got the job, and he will be starting work on Monday. He will also be sharing my cubicle, which I thought was great until he mentioned he will decorate the place to the theme of SpongeBob SquarePants.

I swear Ms Tan employed him just to irritate me :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Interview Tips

2007-06-27T11:18:00.000+08:00

Nerd is coming over for an interview tomorrow.

I think he is crazy because he could be getting a career elsewhere with his Second Uppers instead of getting a dead-end job at my dead-end company. But he said all his friends are here (ie Office Bimbo and me), and he likes our company.

Oh well.

Despite my misgivings about his career move, I was nice enough to teach him the finer points of aceing interviews so that he can, eh, ace his interview. Since I am a Very Generous Boy, I shall share the tips with everyone here too :)

Interview Tip #01: Resume-Writing
The resume is undoubtedly the second most important item in securing an interview. The most important item is of course Very Rich & Well-Connected Parents, but since most of us are born without Very Rich & Well-Connected Parents, let’s just focus on the resume.

A well-written resume should showcase and highlight your strengths while downplaying your weaknesses. Which means you probably will have to lie a lot. This is not really a very difficult process as I will show in the following example: if you were a free-rider who leeched off your project-mates during your schooling days, you can say you are a person who believes in team work. On the other hand, if you are those anti-social loner type, you can say you are able to work independently without supervision.

You should also beautify your resume by sticking your neo-prints, and maybe staple a $10 note if you are not very confident of landing the job. If nothing goes wrong, you will be called up for an interview soon!

Interview Tip #02: Be Fashionably Late
First impressions are very important because they are the first impression people form of you when they first meet you. So it is very important to form a very good first impression.

You can start by being fashionable late for the interview. As a guideline, anything between 30 minutes and 2 hours sounds like a good idea. This is to show the interviewer that you are not hard-up for the job, which will increase the chance of them offering you a better pay package so as to obtain your services.

Interview Tip #03: Be Dressed Appropriately
For the ladies out there, your chances of creating a good and deep impression will be even better if you happen to be wearing a deep low-cut blouse, as suggested by the very magnificent FF. Guys can try the same stunt, though I must add that the results will vary according to the gender and sexual inclination of your interviewer.

When dressing up, also try to avoid the usual color combinations of black-white-grey when attending interviews. The reason for this is because everybody else will be wearing them, and that makes it hard for you to stand out in the eyes of the interviewers. I would suggest rich purple, lime-green, or mustard yellow instead. Or any combination of the three colors.

Interview Tip #05: Show The Right Body Language
As a rule of thumb, it is always a good idea to yawn during interviews. This shows that you are a very active individual instead of those slackers who waste their time by sleeping too much. In fact, it is even better if you can doze off during the interview, because it shows that you have a lot, a lot of guts.

I would also recommend that you play with your DS Lite/ PSP/ handphone during the interview to show off your excellent multi-tasking abilities. You might even want to have your lunch during the interview to show that you really know how to optimize your time. But please don't be a cock: do remember to offer some of your laksa.

Interview Tip #06: Be Assertive
Nobody like wussies, so it is very important to impress upon your interviewers that you are a man who will not take ‘No’ for an answer. For example, if they offer you $2500 a month, you should shout “NO!” and demand for $3000 instead. Then if they accede to your request you should shout “NO!” again and counter demand for $4000. I know it sounds a little bit ridiculous, but that’s how the business works.

If they want to play punk and give you the standard line of “We will contact you soon”, you should stand your ground and demand that they offer you a contract of employment on the spot. Show your assertiveness by telling them you will not leave until they do so, and lay out your sleeping bag in the interview room just to show your sincerity. You should also barricade the door before they can summon the guards in.

If nothing goes wrong, you will be gainfully employed very soon :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I sincerely wish Nerd the best of luck because I heard Ms Tan will be interviewing him. Heh.

The long and short about Updates

2007-06-25T00:28:00.000+08:00

Here are some quick updates before the start of a new working week:

1) I feel damn paiseh for not commenting in your blogs and for not replying to your comments. Like I was saying the other time, I have been really, really tied up with ~~my Wii Wii~~ work. But! I have made the first step by replying to all your comments this morning. Thanks :)!

2) I finally met up with Nerd yesterday. Initially I was racking my brains to come up with some excuses for forgetting about his birthday, but I realized that we should be more honest with each other at this state of our relationship. So I honestly told him that I forgot, and I was genuinely sorry. Nerd was so touched by my honesty and the nice chewing gums I bought him, we made up immediately on the spot with a great big hug. We then proceeded to play with my Wii Wii happily :)

3) Office Bimbo asked me, in a very serious tone again, if Nerd is gay. She said that despite the two days of very close proximity with her in the hotel room, Nerd never made a move on her, except when they were playing chess. I told her straight that Nerd is straight, but I wasn’t that sure myself after Office Bimbo showed me a picture of her in a white bikini. A very, very tiny white bikini :)

Eh, I think I'll go play with my Wii Wii for a while before I go sleep :P

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Sleeping Bag

2007-06-21T22:04:00.000+08:00

I have been very, very busy.

Due to some silly project, I have put in incredibly long hours at the office recently, and as a matter of fact I just reached home a while ago. But it was nothing compared to last night, when I actually camped overnight at the office. But I must confess I did that not because I was hardworking, but because I didn’t want to pay the midnight cab fare, haha.

Being a Very Clever Boy, I am actually very well prepared for such late night situations. I actually have a sleeping bag at the office, which I put to good use last night. But I realized I am not that clever after all because when I woke up this morning, I was stuck in the stoopid sleeping bag because the zipper was stuck.

It was a very painful ordeal because besides having to endure the cruel alarm clock just next to my ear, I was also dying to relieve my bladder. I was thus very relieved when someone finally arrived at the office.

Unfortunately, it was Ms Tan.

And the most incredible thing happened. Instead of helping me out of my fix, she just stood there looking at me for a while, before taking a picture of me with her handphone. Then she stepped over me and went into her office.

What the ?!??!?!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I owe a big one to the Office Cleaning Auntie, for if she had rescued me any later, I would have filled my sleeping bag with pee.

The long and short about Nerd’s Birthday II

2007-06-19T09:29:00.000+08:00

I was feeling very guilty for forgetting about Nerd’s birthday. I was also very, very worried because that boy didn’t pick up my calls all night.

The thought that I was going to read horrible news on the papers on Monday morning made me so worried I had difficulty sleeping that night, so I tried to comfort myself by saying if Nerd is not around anymore, then I can help myself to the chewing gums I bought for him. Haha. I was just kidding!

So I was very, very relieved when Nerd finally picked up my call during lunch time. It turns out that he couldn’t answer my calls because he was dead-drunk: that Office Bimbo ah, she took him to Café Del Mar to celebrate and he was out cold after one vodka. That Nerd, I told him drinking is bad for health already, aiyoh.

Anyway, he’s still at Sentosa recuperating from his horrible hangover. I think Office Bimbo is feeling guilty for making him drunk, so she actually took two days’ worth of leave to take care of the poor boy. I hope they will wisely avoid the scorching sun and spend more time in bed instead.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Nerd’s Birthday

2007-06-17T23:54:00.000+08:00

HOLY SHIT!!!!

It’s Nerd’s birthday today and I was supposed to celebrate with the poor boy.

Being the heartless friend I am, I cleanly forgot about it and went to visit relatives at JB with mummy dearest over the weekend. I only realized I forgot something very important when I was hit with a flood of miss-call alerts when I crossed the customs just now.

I am getting worried because Nerd is not picking up my calls.

I hope he is not waiting at Sentosa sia :P

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Real Super Hero

2007-06-15T00:34:00.000+08:00

I encountered two incidents today that convinced me that I’m simply not cut out to be a Super Hero.

Incident #01:
After days of medication, I have lost my Supernatural Ability to produce incredible amounts of mucus. The sticky white stuff just won’t flow anymore :(

Incident #02:
Incident #02 happened just a few minutes ago. I was squeezing my Colgate halfway when I saw an unspeakable horror staring at me in the eyes:

It was a giant cockroach about the size of half a football field.

I went ballistic and tired to pulverize it with my trusty Bygone. But alas, its reflexes were quick and ducked all my blows. Very sneaky, the cockroach was. I toyed with the idea of spraying it with my mucus, but of course my Power was spent and it would have been a foolhardy move anyway.

My mum came into the washroom to find out what the commotion was about. She took one look at the big-assed cockroach, and sent it to the cruel pits of hell with a single sweep of her right hand. She then turned to me nonchalantly and asked me what I want for breakfast tomorrow.

My mum is the real Super Hero sia :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. My room reeks of stinky Bygone now. YUCKS!

The long and short about It’s Hard Being A Super Hero

2007-06-12T22:15:00.000+08:00

I was unable to update the past two days because the police locked me up after they caught me wearing underwear on the outside.

Haha. I was just kidding.

The truth is I have been buried by mountains of work, and the flu isn’t helping me a bit. Being the good boy I am, I normally would have taken MC ~~so that I can relax at home~~ so that I won’t spread the bug to my lovely colleagues. But the project is so important this time Ms Tan is watching over me like a vulture. Actually, she watches over me like vulture all the time, but never mind.

I am usually half-dead by the time I reach home, and my new found Super Power isn’t helping me a bit. It got so bad that the tissue I was using was literally overflowing with yucky white mucus.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, my mum had to choose that moment to barge into my room without warning. She looked at me, looked at tissue in my hand which was overflowing with the white sticky stuff, and she started shaking her head and said, “Boy, next time do this kind of thing in the bathroom lah.”

It’s hard being a Super Hero.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Super Power

2007-06-10T22:38:00.000+08:00

Over the weekend, I discovered that I have a Super Power.

To be more precise, I discovered that I have the amazing ability to produce incredible amounts of mucus non stop.

Nerd treated Office Bimbo and I to the chocolate buffet at Fullerton yesterday to celebrate his results. While it was very nice, I think my body was badly overheated by the dark brown stuff.

I developed a bad case of sore throat and flu that very night, and have been blowing Nerd ever since. As in, I have been blowing my nose on Nerd’s tissue ever since, haha. Anyway, the amount of mucus that I have produced is simply unbelievable. It is also very sticky, and I honestly believe I can stop crooks in their tracks if I aim very carefully at their eyes. I will be so useful for the society!

Indeed, a Super Hero is just what Singapore needs. Since VR Man has disappeared, I think it’s time for me to rise to the occasion. Being the very imaginative man I am, I think I shall call myself Mucus Man.

I shall start wearing my underwear on the outside tomorrow.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about That Phone Call From Nerd

2007-06-09T01:01:00.000+08:00

That Nerd is too much sia. He called me up at the ungodly hour of 3:46am yesterday and screamed “SECOND UPPER :D!!!!” into my ear.

Heh.

Even though I am sore because I only managed to get a lousy Pass last time, I am happy for the silly Nerd lah. He better prepare lots of money to treat me to a nice celebratory dinner sia.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Women In Uniform

2007-06-06T22:48:00.000+08:00

I think it’s very unfair of me to ignore the male readers who may be out there, so today I have decided to redeem myself by doing an exclusive Women In Uniform Special, just for you guys. And being a very fair person, I promise you that the ladies featured will be every bit as droolsome as the hunks profiled in my Men In Uniform series.

First up we have this very cute Girl In School Uniform:

And for the typical Singaporean guy who hates housework, fret not because we have this very hardworking Girl In Maid Costume waiting for you:

They say nursing is a very noble profession, and I agree wholeheartedly.

And I wish that in future episodes of Crime Watch, the presenters will come dressed like this:

I have, of course, saved my best for last: Not only is this very babelicious girl is in school uniform, she is in pigtails too:

Uniforms rock my socks!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Men In Uniform II

2007-06-05T11:13:00.000+08:00

I was reading through my archives when I chanced upon my Men In Uniform entry. I realized it’s been a long time since I did anything nice for my female readers, so here’s another lot of very delicious looking Men In Uniform, courtesy of Getty Images:

First up we have a Man In Referee Uniform, for those of you who have a fetish for sports:

Next we have this very ~~creepy-looking~~ hamsen Man In Surgical Robes:

If you like authority, or are into SM, I’m sure you will like this very droolsome Man In Police Uniform:

If you like even more authority, we even have a Judge for you:

Finally, since you guys enjoyed it so much the previous time, here’s another delectable picture of Man In Sailor Moon Costume:

I have no idea why girls like Men In Uniform so much.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Why Nerd Irritates The Hell Out Of Me #4565464

2007-06-03T23:19:00.000+08:00

Nerd is irritating the hell out of me.

The poor dude is getting his exam results this week, and he is the very personification of gan cheong. He has been asking useless questions like “Do you think I will fail?”, “Do you think I will get good honors?”, and “Do you think Heartless Ex-Girlfriend will patch back with me if I get good honors?”

Just so you know, he has been repeating the same questions over and over again over the past few ~~days~~ weeks. He was so obsessed he even dreamt of his results last night. Unfortunately, he can’t recall what the grades were, so he called me at 2:54am to ask if I knew. What the?!??!?!

Anyway, being the concerned friend I am, I asked Nerd what he will do if he gets stinky results.

Nerd: That’s terrible! I think I will be so upset I will go to Haagen-Daz and stuff myself silly with ice cream.

Me: Ok. So what if you get great grades?

Nerd: That’s wonderful! I think I will be so happy I will go to Haagen-Daz and stuff myself silly with ice cream.

Somebody please stop me from strangling Nerd.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Public Service Annoucement

2007-06-01T22:39:00.000+08:00

Dear all,

Due to ~~Trauma Center: Second Opinion~~ unforseen circumstances, The Misadventures of Sibeh Sian will not be updated until further notice. We appreciate your patience and kind understanding.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. Does anyone know how can I get kill the pesky Savato huh? Thank you thank you!!!!

The long and short about Friends

2007-05-29T22:47:00.000+08:00

Despite their busy schedules, Nerd and Office Bimbo was ~~crazy~~ kind enough to drag me off for a movie just now. For some unknown reason they thought I needed some cheering up. Oh well.

Anyway, I give Blades of Glory my two thumbs-up. If nothing goes wrong, it should win the Best Picture in the coming Oscars. The whole show was so inspiring I think I will pick up figure-skating as a new hobby.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. Nerd dropped a bombshell of a news to us after the show: he is applying for a position in our company.

I hope he is not stalking me or something sia.

The long and short about Random Stuff

2007-05-28T20:50:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone!

Sorry for the lack of entries the past few days. Don’t worry, I didn’t do anything silly, haha. In fact, I am feeling perfectly fine! Really! I am very happy. Haha.

Anyway, I have no idea why but I’m not exactly in the mood to blog. I think I’ll just talk about some random events that have happened in my life recently:

1) I had the Shrek meal for lunch yesterday.
It was very nice.

2) I had KFC for dinner after that.
It was very nice too.

3) I had diarrhea that night.
It was not very nice.

4) Added The Mosquito into my collection of very, very thought-provoking poems.

5) Added The Charity Show into my collection of very, very bor liao spoof entries.

6) I am closing my blog
As in, I’m closing down my Happy Office Boy blog. The reason is because stoopid Blogger requires a Google account or something for each Blogger account, and I’m too lazy to set up another. Oh well.

7) I wish to wish Sushi Eating Friend happiness
Just in case you are wondering, it’s a confirmed, guaranteed ‘Yes’ that Sushi Eating Friend is now attached. I say this with certainty because she was the one who introduced me to The Boyfriend that night at the sushi bar.

I hope that he, being the luckiest guy in the world, will make my friend the happiest girl in the world.

I think I am going to stop here. Because words fail me now.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Sushi Bar III

2007-05-24T22:21:00.001+08:00

Just in case you are wondering, it was Sushi Eating Friend I bumped into the other night at the sushi bar.

But I didn’t exactly had sushi that night because I ended up making a detour to KFC. I didn’t want to disturb her and her boyfriend.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Mosquito

2007-05-23T23:11:00.001+08:00

I realized it’s been ages since I last wrote a poem, so here’s one:

The Mosquito

Oei! You stupid mosquito!
Stop sucking me like there’s no tomorrow!
You can’t keep still when I try to hit you,
But when I do, I’ll make mincemeat out of you.

You are ugly, and your legs are very hairy.
I know that because I last time took biology.
You spread dengue, and also HIV.
The latter is not true, but it rhymes very nicely.

The other day when I went to the zoo,
You happily bite me when I was in the loo.
I have no idea why you are such a fool,
Because really very smelly, my freshly made poo poo.

I have decided to wage war on you.
You better get ready to escape on cue.
When I see you, I’ll move in for the kill.
The pain you feel will be very real :)

Oei! You stupid mosquito!
Stop sucking me like there’s no tomorrow!
Please keep still when I try to hit you,
And when I do, I’ll make mincemeat out of you.

-Sibeh Sian
Summer, 2007

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Sushi Bar II

2007-05-22T22:52:00.001+08:00

I have no idea why, but out of impulse I went to the sushi bar for dinner just now.

And then my eyes met hers.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about That Jay Chou Song

2007-05-21T23:02:00.000+08:00

Midway through another Wii party the other night, Office Bimbo complained that we are getting unhealthy because of all the computer games, and proposed that we do something sporty over the weekend instead.

So we ended up singing karaoke.

I hate to say this, but despite being a very nice guy, Nerd can’t sing to save his ass. I also suspect he still hasn’t got over his Heartless Girl because all he sang that night was sappy love songs by Jay Chou for the broken hearted. Which was all fine and dandy until Office Bimbo, whom I suspect still hasn’t got over her SLK-Driving Ex-Boyfriend, started getting all emo over some lyrics:

我知道你我都没有错
只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给了承诺
却被时间扑了空
我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里待續

“That’s bullshit!” so claimed Office Bimbo. “How can he say it’s nobody’s fault when a relationship ends?!?!?”

Once in a while Office Bimbo will actually say something that makes a lot of sense, and this happens to be one such occasion. I was so inspired I’ve taken the liberty of changing some of the lyrics:

我知道你我都犯了错
渐渐忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给的承诺
已被时间扑了空
我知道你我都犯了错
也许放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里待續

Oh well.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Hunter & The Hunted IV

2007-05-19T09:32:00.000+08:00

I really, really didn’t want to blog about my traumatic experience that night. But since you guys so sadistically insisted, I shall oblige you all and recount that horrifying evening.

………………………………………………

I knew my brilliant idea of humiliating Ms Tan through my Wii Wii was not a very brilliant idea the moment she reached my place. When I returned from the kitchen with a drink for her, I was totally unprepared for what I was about to see.

Ms Tan was stripping her top off in front of me.

Fortunately, it was her jacket that she removed and not her blouse, haha. I also thought she looked hot, because I didn’t switch on the fan for her (I was trying to save on electricity bills).

But more shock was in store for me: without any warning, she pulled out a Wiimote from her handbag and said, “Sian, I am going to punish you with this.”

After uttering those ominous words, she proceeded to swing the white, hard, and vibrating controller that was pulsating with blue lights deftly in Wii Tennis. She attacked me with such ferocity and sadistic fervour I swore she was like Serena Williams on steroids.

After thoroughly humiliating me at Tennis, I decided to try my luck on boxing. Bad mistake, because Ms Tan intimidated me by first ramming her Wiimote hard into my Nunchuk. I felt very violated, and told her to be more gentle but she ignored me and shouted “SHUT UP AND PLAY!”

Thoroughly rattled, I couldn’t put up any meaningful resistance, and was subjected to her relentless pounding for the next ten or so minutes. By the time she was finished, my butt was very, very sore, because I was fidgeting too much on the sofa.

Just when I thought my ordeal was ending, I was in for another round of pain when the sick woman loaded baseball. I tried pitching my balls in, but not a single one got through because she batted all of them out. In fact, she was hitting my balls left, right, center and so hard she even scored homeruns. I think Ms Tan is very, very good in hitting balls.

Needless to say, I was exhausted at the end of the horrifying ordeal. Because I was twiddling with the Nunchuk pointer too furiously, I even developed and burst a blister on my left thumb. Trust me, it was really, really painful. Even got a bit of blood come out, which made me very scared and I didn’t dare to tell my mum.

I don’t think I want to be Ms Tan’s playmate anymore.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Hunter & The Hunted III

2007-05-17T10:01:00.000+08:00

I am very sorry to inform you guys that I am not really in the mood to blog now. Suffice to say, I was severely traumatized by what happened last night.

I never imagined it will be so painful :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Hunter & The Hunted II

2007-05-15T22:59:00.000+08:00

Updated!

I have changed my mind about not letting Ms Tan touch my Wii Wii.

While having nasi lemak this morning, I was hit with this brilliant idea: I could use my Wii Wii to humiliate the evil Ms Tan! I am not a hao lian, but I’m proud to say here that I’ve became quite the pro at Wii Sports Tennis. In fact, I’m so good I have been whacking Nerd’s butt left right and center, heh.

If I managed to whack Ms Tan’s butt too, then maybe she will show more respect to me in the office. With this brilliant idea in mind, I approached her this afternoon and popped the question.

Me: Hi Ms Tan! Do you want to come over to my place and play with my Wii tomorrow?

Ms Tan: You want me to go to your place and play with your what?!?!?!?!

Me: My Wii! My Wii Wii! I’ve been having lots of fun with it and I think I will be very happy if you come play with it :D!

Ms Tan: Oh. You meant the Nintendo thingy.

Ms Tan: Ok.

I told Nerd and Office Bimbo about my invite to Ms Tan, and they are so excited they will be coming along too. It’s going to be such a fun night :D!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

Update:

Holy Macaroni. Nerd needs to attend a family dinner tonight, while Office Bimbo just told me she is giving our Wii party a miss because after thinking about it, she is not very uncomfortable about playing with Ms Tan.

Which means it’s gonna be Ms Tan and me alone tonight. I am very, very worried :(

The long and short about Sibeh Attractive Men

2007-05-14T09:19:00.000+08:00

Being good friends with Office Bimbo has its perks. Me and Nerd have been lamenting about the sorry state of our love life (not with each other) in between our Wii sessions, and she has graciously came up with some tips on how we can transform into Sibeh Attractive Men instead. And the best thing is these tips don’t involve anything about striking lotteries or undergoing plastic surgeries!

As I am a Sibeh Unselfish Man, I shall generously share the tips with you:

Tip #01: Get a Tattoo
The reason for this is very simple. Girls like bad boys, and boys with tattoos are bad. Or something like that. I also hit upon this utterly brilliant idea of tattooing muscles on my arms and a nice six-pack on my stomach, which will make me look very macho.

But I think I will have to give up the idea because my Mum went ballistic when I told her this idea half-way through our Mother’s Day lunch. She claims that if I get an ‘ang kong’ I will become a gangster, take up drugs, and start World War Three. Walau.

Tip #02: Take Up an Extreme Sport
Office Bimbo says girls are attracted to dangerous men like bees to honey, so we will up our attractiveness quotient if we do dangerous sports.

This is a very good idea. I shall start jaywalking tomorrow.

Tip #03: Pick Up a Third Language
Office Bimbo claims she goes weak in the knees every time an ang mo speaks French. According to her, foreign languages sound very exotic, and thus very attractive.

Nerd and I decided that French is too complicated for us, so we will pick up Japanese instead. We will start by swooping our excellent collection of Japanese artistic films.

Tip #04: Start a Blog
According to Office Bimbo, bloggers are damn happening people. Except for half-past-six bloggers like me, who writes a Happy Office Boy blog that has lousy content and haven’t been updated in months.

Her point being, if you write damn bloody well, you will become a celebrity blogger with lots of endorsements, fame, and rabid fans who are dying to bed you. I swear this is totally untrue. The only indecent proposal I have had so far was this spammer who tried to sell me something to enhance my ‘ahem’.

Tip #05: Learn How To Sweet Talk
This tip left me mystified. I have absolutely no idea how learning about the bubble tea brand will make me more attractive.

I hope Office Bimbo’s tips work. I really don’t want to become a 29 year old virgin.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Hunter & The Hunted

2007-05-12T22:22:00.001+08:00

I decided to jog this morning instead of my usual Sunday evenings because I don’t want to bump into Ms Tan at the tracks again.

I was thus very, very disturbed when I saw her doing sit-ups at the side when I was completing my second round. I’m not suggesting anything, but this is the kind of stuff that always happens in those stalker movies.

I worry for my virginity :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Miis

2007-05-09T10:14:00.000+08:00

I am so sleepy right now. After Nerd and Office Bimbo left last night, I actually had another few more rounds of tennis before I finally slept way past midnight. I feel like taking a half-day leave to rest, but I have this bad feeling I will end up playing Wii Sports again. Damn.

One of the best things about the Wii is that you can create computerized versions of yourself, known as the Mii. If you are curious how I look like, here’s a pic:

This is Nerd. I have no idea why my colleagues say we look alike.

This is Office Bimbo. I have no idea why but she actually likes the title of bimbo because she say it means she is chio. Walau.

Being the nice people we are, we even created one Mii for Ms Tan. We had a really, really fun time punching her in Boxing last night, heh.

Speaking of Ms Tan, we were unfortunately enough to bump into her last night. The even more unfortunate thing was that when she asked us what we were doing so late in the night, Office Bimbo happily chirped “We just had a threesome :D!”

That stoopid Bimbo. Everyone is now casting us weird looks in the office.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Wii Wii II

2007-05-08T11:22:00.000+08:00

Updated!

I wanted to clear up the misunderstanding with Sushi Eating Friend, but I guess that’s only possible next week because she just went on an overseas assignment. Sigh.

Anyway, this is unexpected, but I have been rather chummy with Office Bimbo ever since our Phantom of the Opera date. So I popped the same question to her just now.

Me: Oei! Do you want to come over to my place and play with my Wii tonight?

Office Bimbo: You want me to go to your place and play with your what?!?!?!?!

Me: My Wii! My Wii Wii! I’ve been having lots of fun with it and I think I will be very happy if you come and play with it :D!

Office Bimbo: . . . . You are a very naughty boy, Sian.

Office Bimbo: But let’s have dinner first k?

I told Nerd about my invite to Office Bimbo, and he is so excited he will be coming along too. We are going to have so much fun tonight :D!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

Update:

1) I just saw Nerd and Office Bimbo off. Needless to say, the three of us are exhausted right now, after all the wild swinging and thrusting.

2) We bumped into Ms Tan while exiting from the lift. She looked very, very disturbed.

The long and short about My Wii Wii

2007-05-07T11:21:00.000+08:00

This is a public announcement service: Do not, I repeat, Do Not get a Wii. Unless you want lots of fun and is prepared to get nerdified.

The damn thing is so damn addictive I practically burned my weekend with it. My shoulders and right arm is aching badly from the millions of swings I took, and I was also very, very worried that my sofa was going to give way because Nerd and I shook really vigorously on it.

It was so fun I thought it will be a good way to revive my friendship with Sushi Eating Friend, so I gave her a call last night.

Sushi Eating Friend: . . . . Yes Sian, what do you want?

Me: Oh! I was thinking if you want to come over to my place and play with my Wii.

Sushi Eating Friend: You want me to go to your place and play with your what?!?!?!?!

Me: My Wii! My Wii Wii! I’ve been having lots of fun with it and I will be very happy if you come and play with it :D!

Sushi Eating Friend: . . . . Stay away from me you sick freak.

I have no idea what made Sushi Eating Friend so pissed :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Sporty Boy

2007-05-05T23:43:00.000+08:00

I am very proud to announce here that I am now a very sporty boy.

In the span of an afternoon, I have played tennis, baseball, golf, bowling and boxing, with Nerd as my sparring partner. Our arms are now aching badly after all the physical exertions, but we can’t wait to do it again tomorrow.

Wii are such sporty boys :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Why It Sucks When Your Superior Lives Near You #056865

2007-05-03T12:03:00.000+08:00

Ms Tan: Why were you on MC yesterday?

Me: Oh! I was having a bad sore throat! Haha. . . .

Ms Tan: Is it? Sore throat huh?

Ms Tan: Sore throat can go and queue up for KFC meh?

Maybe I should consider moving.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about This Nice, Rainy Morning

2007-05-02T08:23:00.000+08:00

I’ve decided to call in sick for work today because it’s a nice rainy morning and I want to get better acquainted with my bed. Heh.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about That Jogging Session

2007-04-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

I was feeling guilty after eating all those calories-filled sinful goodies the past few nights, and so I finally dragged my lazy ass to the nearby park to do some jogging just now.

It turned out to be a brilliant decision because there happened to be this Sweet Young Thing at the tracks. Actually I couldn’t really tell because I don’t wear my glasses while jogging, but there’s not mistaking the ponytail, the slender built, and the oh-so hypnotic swaying of the lovely hips that Sweet Young Things are capable of, heh.

Just in case you are wondering, I’m not a cheekopek, but I found myself jogging closely behind her just so that I could observe her ~~butt~~ running techniques better. Unfortunately, I was so focused on my task I ended up tripping.

While I lay on the tracks nursing my bruised knee, the most amazing thing happened: the Sweet Young Thing actually turned back and offered me some tissue. I don’t usually believe in signs, but the brief seconds felt like the moment I was waiting for all my life. I finally found my voice after a while:

Me: Haha, thanks! You are very nice :). . . . May I know your name please?

Sweet Young Thing: . . . .

Sweet Young Thing: Don’t joke around with me, Sian.

When I heard that voice I seriously regretted jogging, and also seriously regretted not wearing my glasses when I jog.

Of all the places in Singapore, Ms Tan have to choose my neighborhood to move to. Damn.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian