The long and short about World Cup 2010 Part II

Blogger’s note: You might want to read Part I here, otherwise you will catch no ball. Pun intended, haha. And I swear this will be the last entry about World Cups. Really. I think.


Brian Richman: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Hello and welcome to World Cup 2010, Singapore Vs Brazil: The Reunion Show.

Brian: Again, we are very proud to have with us here Mr Fandi Alamak as my co-host tonight.

Fandi Alamak: Hello everyone, I am Fandi. *Flashes megawatt smile*.

Brian: Fandi, what do you think of the shocking 16 – 1 whipping of our local boys by Brazil?

Fandi: Actually, it’s not a very bad result already. Statistically speaking, it is possible to score a goal under a minute. Which means Brazil could have beaten us 90 to 1. But they didn’t, and I think we have to give our defense some credit for that.

Brian: I agree with you Fandi. In fact, considering the fact that 8 of Brazil’s goals were own goals, we could have lost by 98 to 1 instead. Let’s give a big round of applause to our boys, shall we?

*uncomfortable silence as the studio audience remains dead silent*

Brian: Eh, ahem, let’s hear from the players themselves about what they have to say about the match.


*large TV projector in the studio starts showing interviews of unidentified players with mosaic-ed faces*


Unidentified Player A: You know, it’s not our fault for losing the match. It’s the darn pitch. It was so darn bloody uneven.

Unidentified Player B: Walau, sibeh not fair ok?!? I hor, I was going to shoot in one, but hor, their player shirt sibeh bright yellow, until I cannot aim properly! Sibeh kelong ah, kani. . . .

Unidentified Player C: Alamak, I also don’t know what happened lah brudder! But I swear the $10,000 I made from that bet on the Brazilians has got nothing to do with my performance!

Unidentified Botak French Coach: Rooney made us lose it.


*Loud murmurings were heard in the studio at that statement. The videoed interviews end*


Brian: Dear viewers, what he meant was of course the biggest controversy this World Cup. In a horrific repeat of the 2006 Final, Rooney was sent off in the dying minutes of the game for head-butting the referee.

Fandi: Rooney refused to comment on the incident despite numerous queries from the press. But according to video playbacks, it appeared that he lost it after the referee repeatedly fondled his nipples throughout the match.

Brian: That’s why we should not have got Dick Lee as the referee. Damn.

Fandi: Well, what’s butted cannot be unbutted, nor can what was fondled be unfondled. We are a forward-looking nation, and we already have in place a solid game plan to bring the Cup home come 2014.

Brian: In fact, we are very pleased to have Dr Tak Giu, Minister of State for Football Development, as our guest speaker tonight. A round of applause for Dr Tak please.

Dr Tak Giu: Hi everyone, I am Dr Tak.

Brian: And a very good evening to you, Dr Tak. Sir, may we hear about the exciting plans the ministry has the future of local football?

Dr Tak: You will be very happy to know that we have very exciting plans indeed. In fact, we have just signed a multi-million dollar deal for Michael Jordan to join the national squad. He will be very lethal up front as a striker alongside Rooney.

Fandi: Eh, that is very nice to hear, Dr Tak, but I think Michael Jordan plays basketball and not football.

Dr Tak: Huh?!? Is it? Oh. But don’t worry, it shouldn’t matter because it’s all balls anyway. Haha. As an added assurance, we also got Ricky Martin, who participated in the 1998 World Cup, as our goalkeeper.

Brian: And I’m sure everything will turn out fine too. Dr Tak, we understand you will also be revealing the new slogan for our World Cup aspirations tonight?

Dr Tak: Oh yes of course. After the very catchy ‘Goal 2010’ that we adopted years back, we have spend millions of dollars recently to come up with something that is as good, if not better. After much deliberation, we have decided to adopt a slogan that is truly inspirational and original.

Dr Tak: The new slogan is Goal 2014.

Fandi: *Tears* Dr Tak! That is such a good and original slogan!

Dr Tak: Haha, I think so too. It was money well spent.

Brian: It was indeed Sir. Thank you for your precious time in gracing our show tonight. We thank you viewers too for staying with us. Have a good weekend, and let us pray for a good Goal 2014.


*Show ends with Ricky Martin’s Cup of Life (Hougang remix) broadcasted in the background*


With Love,
Sibeh Sian