The Misadventures of Sibeh Sian

You can call me Sian. Sibeh Sian.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

The long and short about World Cup 2010

Coming to you soon in the not-so-distant future:

Brian Richman: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Hello and welcome to the live telecast of World Cup 2010: Singapore vs Brazil.

Brian: We are very happy to have with us here tonight, ex-national skipper Mr Fandi Alamak, as my co-commentator. He will not be skipping tonight though. Haha. Over to you, Fandi.

Fandi Alamak: Hello everyone, I am Fandi. *Flashes megawatt smile*

Brian: Tell us Fandi, what do you think of the tournament so far?

Fandi: I have only three words to describe it: Very amazing. Everybody was saying it was impossible for Singapore to qualify and realize our dream of Goal 2010. But not only did we do that, we also managed to wrestle the rights to host the games and edge out Argentina, Italy, France and Germany along the way. I am now overwhelmed with emotions by the sight of the full 3,900 capacity crowd here at Toa Payoh Stadium.

Brian: I am very touched too Fandi. A pity the National Stadium has been booked for the Kylie Minogue concert already, otherwise more could have enjoyed it.

Fandi: Not to worry Brian, I’m sure most Singaporeans will get to enjoy the match in the comfort of their home after paying the affordable $50 surcharge, on top of what they are already paying for their cable TV.

Brian: Well said Fandi. Indeed, it was widely reported that entrepreneurial Singaporeans living in the nearby high-rise HDBs have rented their rooms and binoculars to visiting ang mos, so that they too can enjoy the great spirit of the Beautiful Game, ‘live’.

Fandi: Exactly. We Singaporeans are very friendly. Since they are here already, I hope they will also spend some time and money at our world famous zoo, bird park, night safari, Orchard Road, Sentosa, Chinatown, Little India and. . . eh. . . Sembawang. Not forgetting our casino. . . eh, I meant Integrated Resorts too. *Flashes nervous smile*

Brian: By the way, there have been some heated discussions over the inclusion of players such as Lionel Messi and Wayne Rooney in our national squad. What’s your take on the issue, Fandi?

Fandi: I think the comments are completely unjustified. We paid dear money for them to stay in our sunny little island and even gave them our much coveted citizenship, so they are perfectly legitimate to be our national players. It’s a lucky thing nobody knows how much we paid that retired botak French player to be the national coach, otherwise more people would have complained, haha.

*Uncomfortable silence.*

Brian: I so agree with you Fandi. Let’s stop for a short while here because it’s time for our national anthem.

*Both stand at attention while Mari Kita is being played*

Fandi: Sh*t! (fumbles with his suddenly ringing handphone)

. . . .

Brian: Welcome back to the live telecast of World Cup 2010. We are just a few minutes from the kick-off, and before we begin, Fandi and I have this very important reminder for all of you.

Fandi: Yes. My fellow countrymen, please be reminded that the actual performance of both teams only accounts for 30% of the final score. The remaining 70% comes from you.

Brian: If you don’t want to see your favorite soccer team get eliminated, please call or SMS generously. If you are rooting for Brazil, call 1900 111 1111 or SMS ‘Brazil Boleh’ to 9111.

*camera pans to the Brazilian team, who grins madly at the camera and started showing their index fingers to make a ‘1’. Meanwhile, Ronaldinho cartwheels in the background*

Fandi: If you are supporting Singapore, call 1900 222 2222 or SMS ‘Singapore Tok Kong’ to 9222.

*camera pans to the Singaporean team, who smiles broadly and start making cheesy ‘V’ signs. The more creative Rooney raised both middle fingers*

Fandi: Remember, your vote matters! Do be reminded that the Results Show will be telecast ‘live’ half an hour after the final whistle, during which voting will be closed.

Brian: Ok, the match is about to start now. But before that, here are some words from our sponsors. Stay glued to your TV set because you can catch the remaining 85 minutes of the match right after this commercial break.

Fandi: We will be right back. *Flashes megawatt smile*

*Choruses of ‘Nabeh!’s echo throughout the island when the score read 1 – 0 five minutes later*

With Love,
Sibeh Sian


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