The long and short about The Valentine's Special
Once again, Sibeh Sian apologies for the sibeh long absence. Indeed, this absence felt longer because of the many earth-shaking and ground-breaking events that has happened around the globe, such as the grand opening of Popeye’s at Toa Payoh Central. Having MIAed for so long, I feel obliged to share this nugget of wisdom with everyone out there: the stuff they serve at KFC taste so much better!
Now the reason for this post is not because of fried chicken, but I can assure you that it’s no less momentous an event. I thought you guys might want to know that two of my closest friends got married just a few hours back.
Nerd. And Office Bimbo. To each other!
To cut a very, very long story short, the romance between Nerd and Office Bimbo started in a small, dark and dingy hotel room in Bangkok, where they were sent for a work assignment. Now before you start getting any funny ideas, Nerd was having the most horrible case of tummyache after too many bowls of spicy tom yum. I didn’t know she had it in her, but Office Bimbo took great care in nursing Nerd back to health. In fact, she was so nursing, she ended up nursing their baby in her womb by the time the week-long trip ended.
The office was all happy and excited with the coming arrival of MiniNerd. I was also all happy and excited because I thought the weird rumour about me having Nerd’s baby (what the?!?) will finally be put to rest. Unfortunately, I realized I was hopelessly wrong after receiving anonymous post-it notes telling me to ‘be strong’ and ‘he will come back to me one day’. I have no idea why people assume that there’s something going on between the two of us, when all we do is just eat, sleep, and go to the loo together.
Anyway, I suspect Office Bimbo don’t really like me. She promised to sit me next to a drop-dead-gorgeous bachelorette for their wedding dinner, so imagine my horror when Ms Tan took the seat to my left just before the dinner started.
Drop-dead-gorgeous bachelorette my a$$ :(
Speaking of Ms Tan, she is getting from bad to worse. It’s been years since I joined the company, but she still insist on
On to happier stuff: As Nerd’s Best Friend and Best Man, I’m proud to say I had a big hand in the wedding preparations, which had to be done in a mad rush considering Office Bimbo’s rapidly bulging tummy. You will be glad to know that I went against convention, and daringly chose the auspicious Hokkien tune of Ji Pa Ban as the march-in theme. The older folks were in a delighted frenzy, and I amused them even more by playing the seldom-heard but sibeh gung-ho Matsuri by Kitaro when they were serving the first dish. Not forgetting the younger crowd, I played YMCA for the second march-in. I’m seriously considering a second career as a DJ.
Besides music selection and choreography, I also served as Nerd’s fitness instructor, and urged him to lift weights prior to the wedding just so that he has enough strength to pop the champagne. He obviously didn’t take my advice to heart, and was caught struggling with his cork in front of a very embarrassed crowd. He must have stood there for at least a good minute, when Office Bimbo couldn’t bear it any longer and took over the popping duties. The good news was that she successful popped it in her first attempt, while the not-so-good news was that the cork somehow came slamming against my forehead. I suspect Office Bimbo don’t really like me.
The sweetest part of the evening, besides the ‘I Do’s’ and the mango sago with ice cream dessert, was when the happy couple gave their thank you speech. I was very touched by Nerd because besides thanking his mum and dad, he gave special thanks for my help in both the wedding and the courtship (I was supposed to go for the Thailand trip, but as dreadful as it was, I couldn’t miss the last episode of 破天网). I just wished he would end it there instead of his "I will miss all the good times we had together and you will always have a very special place in my heart". For her speech, Office Bimbo thanked me profusely for not going to Thailand. She also admitted she would have left me suffering on my own if I was the one struck with food poisoning. I suspect Ofice Bimbo don’t really like me.
Despite all the embarrassment and troubles they have caused me in our years of friendship, I felt genuinely happy for the couple, and was even a bit emotional when they did the toasting, the photo-taking, and eventually the handshaking and goodbye-ing after the last drop of champagne was sipped. Looking at their happy faces as they smiled at each other with fingers tightly intertwined, I’m glad that Nerd and Office Bimbo has finally found the love of their life in each other. I wish them everlasting matrimonial bliss with their MiniNerd and hopefully many MiniOfficeBimbos to come, and I wish them a very Happy Valentine’s.
A very Happy Valentine’s to you too :)
P.S. I just got word that Ms Tan will be calling in sick because of food poisoning. I wonder what did that silly woman ate.