The long and short about The Job

I can’t believe this.

Nerd got the job, and he will be starting work on Monday. He will also be sharing my cubicle, which I thought was great until he mentioned he will decorate the place to the theme of SpongeBob SquarePants.

I swear Ms Tan employed him just to irritate me :(


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Interview Tips

Nerd is coming over for an interview tomorrow.

I think he is crazy because he could be getting a career elsewhere with his Second Uppers instead of getting a dead-end job at my dead-end company. But he said all his friends are here (ie Office Bimbo and me), and he likes our company.

Oh well.

Despite my misgivings about his career move, I was nice enough to teach him the finer points of aceing interviews so that he can, eh, ace his interview. Since I am a Very Generous Boy, I shall share the tips with everyone here too :)


Interview Tip #01: Resume-Writing
The resume is undoubtedly the second most important item in securing an interview. The most important item is of course Very Rich & Well-Connected Parents, but since most of us are born without Very Rich & Well-Connected Parents, let’s just focus on the resume.

A well-written resume should showcase and highlight your strengths while downplaying your weaknesses. Which means you probably will have to lie a lot. This is not really a very difficult process as I will show in the following example: if you were a free-rider who leeched off your project-mates during your schooling days, you can say you are a person who believes in team work. On the other hand, if you are those anti-social loner type, you can say you are able to work independently without supervision.

You should also beautify your resume by sticking your neo-prints, and maybe staple a $10 note if you are not very confident of landing the job. If nothing goes wrong, you will be called up for an interview soon!

Interview Tip #02: Be Fashionably Late
First impressions are very important because they are the first impression people form of you when they first meet you. So it is very important to form a very good first impression.

You can start by being fashionable late for the interview. As a guideline, anything between 30 minutes and 2 hours sounds like a good idea. This is to show the interviewer that you are not hard-up for the job, which will increase the chance of them offering you a better pay package so as to obtain your services.

Interview Tip #03: Be Dressed Appropriately
For the ladies out there, your chances of creating a good and deep impression will be even better if you happen to be wearing a deep low-cut blouse, as suggested by the very magnificent FF. Guys can try the same stunt, though I must add that the results will vary according to the gender and sexual inclination of your interviewer.

When dressing up, also try to avoid the usual color combinations of black-white-grey when attending interviews. The reason for this is because everybody else will be wearing them, and that makes it hard for you to stand out in the eyes of the interviewers. I would suggest rich purple, lime-green, or mustard yellow instead. Or any combination of the three colors.

Interview Tip #05: Show The Right Body Language
As a rule of thumb, it is always a good idea to yawn during interviews. This shows that you are a very active individual instead of those slackers who waste their time by sleeping too much. In fact, it is even better if you can doze off during the interview, because it shows that you have a lot, a lot of guts.

I would also recommend that you play with your DS Lite/ PSP/ handphone during the interview to show off your excellent multi-tasking abilities. You might even want to have your lunch during the interview to show that you really know how to optimize your time. But please don't be a cock: do remember to offer some of your laksa.

Interview Tip #06: Be Assertive
Nobody like wussies, so it is very important to impress upon your interviewers that you are a man who will not take ‘No’ for an answer. For example, if they offer you $2500 a month, you should shout “NO!” and demand for $3000 instead. Then if they accede to your request you should shout “NO!” again and counter demand for $4000. I know it sounds a little bit ridiculous, but that’s how the business works.

If they want to play punk and give you the standard line of “We will contact you soon”, you should stand your ground and demand that they offer you a contract of employment on the spot. Show your assertiveness by telling them you will not leave until they do so, and lay out your sleeping bag in the interview room just to show your sincerity. You should also barricade the door before they can summon the guards in.


If nothing goes wrong, you will be gainfully employed very soon :)


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I sincerely wish Nerd the best of luck because I heard Ms Tan will be interviewing him. Heh.

The long and short about Updates

Here are some quick updates before the start of a new working week:

1) I feel damn paiseh for not commenting in your blogs and for not replying to your comments. Like I was saying the other time, I have been really, really tied up with my Wii Wii work. But! I have made the first step by replying to all your comments this morning. Thanks :)!

2) I finally met up with Nerd yesterday. Initially I was racking my brains to come up with some excuses for forgetting about his birthday, but I realized that we should be more honest with each other at this state of our relationship. So I honestly told him that I forgot, and I was genuinely sorry. Nerd was so touched by my honesty and the nice chewing gums I bought him, we made up immediately on the spot with a great big hug. We then proceeded to play with my Wii Wii happily :)

3) Office Bimbo asked me, in a very serious tone again, if Nerd is gay. She said that despite the two days of very close proximity with her in the hotel room, Nerd never made a move on her, except when they were playing chess. I told her straight that Nerd is straight, but I wasn’t that sure myself after Office Bimbo showed me a picture of her in a white bikini. A very, very tiny white bikini :)


Eh, I think I'll go play with my Wii Wii for a while before I go sleep :P


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Sleeping Bag

I have been very, very busy.

Due to some silly project, I have put in incredibly long hours at the office recently, and as a matter of fact I just reached home a while ago. But it was nothing compared to last night, when I actually camped overnight at the office. But I must confess I did that not because I was hardworking, but because I didn’t want to pay the midnight cab fare, haha.

Being a Very Clever Boy, I am actually very well prepared for such late night situations. I actually have a sleeping bag at the office, which I put to good use last night. But I realized I am not that clever after all because when I woke up this morning, I was stuck in the stoopid sleeping bag because the zipper was stuck.

It was a very painful ordeal because besides having to endure the cruel alarm clock just next to my ear, I was also dying to relieve my bladder. I was thus very relieved when someone finally arrived at the office.

Unfortunately, it was Ms Tan.

And the most incredible thing happened. Instead of helping me out of my fix, she just stood there looking at me for a while, before taking a picture of me with her handphone. Then she stepped over me and went into her office.

What the ?!??!?!


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I owe a big one to the Office Cleaning Auntie, for if she had rescued me any later, I would have filled my sleeping bag with pee.

The long and short about Nerd’s Birthday II

I was feeling very guilty for forgetting about Nerd’s birthday. I was also very, very worried because that boy didn’t pick up my calls all night.

The thought that I was going to read horrible news on the papers on Monday morning made me so worried I had difficulty sleeping that night, so I tried to comfort myself by saying if Nerd is not around anymore, then I can help myself to the chewing gums I bought for him. Haha. I was just kidding!

So I was very, very relieved when Nerd finally picked up my call during lunch time. It turns out that he couldn’t answer my calls because he was dead-drunk: that Office Bimbo ah, she took him to Café Del Mar to celebrate and he was out cold after one vodka. That Nerd, I told him drinking is bad for health already, aiyoh.

Anyway, he’s still at Sentosa recuperating from his horrible hangover. I think Office Bimbo is feeling guilty for making him drunk, so she actually took two days’ worth of leave to take care of the poor boy. I hope they will wisely avoid the scorching sun and spend more time in bed instead.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Nerd’s Birthday

HOLY SHIT!!!!

It’s Nerd’s birthday today and I was supposed to celebrate with the poor boy.

Being the heartless friend I am, I cleanly forgot about it and went to visit relatives at JB with mummy dearest over the weekend. I only realized I forgot something very important when I was hit with a flood of miss-call alerts when I crossed the customs just now.

I am getting worried because Nerd is not picking up my calls.

I hope he is not waiting at Sentosa sia :P


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Real Super Hero

I encountered two incidents today that convinced me that I’m simply not cut out to be a Super Hero.


Incident #01:
After days of medication, I have lost my Supernatural Ability to produce incredible amounts of mucus. The sticky white stuff just won’t flow anymore :(

Incident #02:
Incident #02 happened just a few minutes ago. I was squeezing my Colgate halfway when I saw an unspeakable horror staring at me in the eyes:

It was a giant cockroach about the size of half a football field.

I went ballistic and tired to pulverize it with my trusty Bygone. But alas, its reflexes were quick and ducked all my blows. Very sneaky, the cockroach was. I toyed with the idea of spraying it with my mucus, but of course my Power was spent and it would have been a foolhardy move anyway.

My mum came into the washroom to find out what the commotion was about. She took one look at the big-assed cockroach, and sent it to the cruel pits of hell with a single sweep of her right hand. She then turned to me nonchalantly and asked me what I want for breakfast tomorrow.

My mum is the real Super Hero sia :)


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. My room reeks of stinky Bygone now. YUCKS!

The long and short about It’s Hard Being A Super Hero

I was unable to update the past two days because the police locked me up after they caught me wearing underwear on the outside.

Haha. I was just kidding.

The truth is I have been buried by mountains of work, and the flu isn’t helping me a bit. Being the good boy I am, I normally would have taken MC so that I can relax at home so that I won’t spread the bug to my lovely colleagues. But the project is so important this time Ms Tan is watching over me like a vulture. Actually, she watches over me like vulture all the time, but never mind.

I am usually half-dead by the time I reach home, and my new found Super Power isn’t helping me a bit. It got so bad that the tissue I was using was literally overflowing with yucky white mucus.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, my mum had to choose that moment to barge into my room without warning. She looked at me, looked at tissue in my hand which was overflowing with the white sticky stuff, and she started shaking her head and said, “Boy, next time do this kind of thing in the bathroom lah.”

It’s hard being a Super Hero.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Super Power

Over the weekend, I discovered that I have a Super Power.

To be more precise, I discovered that I have the amazing ability to produce incredible amounts of mucus non stop.

Nerd treated Office Bimbo and I to the chocolate buffet at Fullerton yesterday to celebrate his results. While it was very nice, I think my body was badly overheated by the dark brown stuff.

I developed a bad case of sore throat and flu that very night, and have been blowing Nerd ever since. As in, I have been blowing my nose on Nerd’s tissue ever since, haha. Anyway, the amount of mucus that I have produced is simply unbelievable. It is also very sticky, and I honestly believe I can stop crooks in their tracks if I aim very carefully at their eyes. I will be so useful for the society!

Indeed, a Super Hero is just what Singapore needs. Since VR Man has disappeared, I think it’s time for me to rise to the occasion. Being the very imaginative man I am, I think I shall call myself Mucus Man.

I shall start wearing my underwear on the outside tomorrow.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about That Phone Call From Nerd

That Nerd is too much sia. He called me up at the ungodly hour of 3:46am yesterday and screamed “SECOND UPPER :D!!!!” into my ear.

Heh.

Even though I am sore because I only managed to get a lousy Pass last time, I am happy for the silly Nerd lah. He better prepare lots of money to treat me to a nice celebratory dinner sia.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Women In Uniform

I think it’s very unfair of me to ignore the male readers who may be out there, so today I have decided to redeem myself by doing an exclusive Women In Uniform Special, just for you guys. And being a very fair person, I promise you that the ladies featured will be every bit as droolsome as the hunks profiled in my Men In Uniform series.


First up we have this very cute Girl In School Uniform:




And for the typical Singaporean guy who hates housework, fret not because we have this very hardworking Girl In Maid Costume waiting for you:




They say nursing is a very noble profession, and I agree wholeheartedly.




And I wish that in future episodes of Crime Watch, the presenters will come dressed like this:




I have, of course, saved my best for last: Not only is this very babelicious girl is in school uniform, she is in pigtails too:





Uniforms rock my socks!


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Men In Uniform II

I was reading through my archives when I chanced upon my Men In Uniform entry. I realized it’s been a long time since I did anything nice for my female readers, so here’s another lot of very delicious looking Men In Uniform, courtesy of Getty Images:


First up we have a Man In Referee Uniform, for those of you who have a fetish for sports:




Next we have this very creepy-looking hamsen Man In Surgical Robes:




If you like authority, or are into SM, I’m sure you will like this very droolsome Man In Police Uniform:




If you like even more authority, we even have a Judge for you:




Finally, since you guys enjoyed it so much the previous time, here’s another delectable picture of Man In Sailor Moon Costume:




I have no idea why girls like Men In Uniform so much.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Why Nerd Irritates The Hell Out Of Me #4565464

Nerd is irritating the hell out of me.

The poor dude is getting his exam results this week, and he is the very personification of gan cheong. He has been asking useless questions like “Do you think I will fail?”, “Do you think I will get good honors?”, and “Do you think Heartless Ex-Girlfriend will patch back with me if I get good honors?”

Just so you know, he has been repeating the same questions over and over again over the past few days weeks. He was so obsessed he even dreamt of his results last night. Unfortunately, he can’t recall what the grades were, so he called me at 2:54am to ask if I knew. What the?!??!?!

Anyway, being the concerned friend I am, I asked Nerd what he will do if he gets stinky results.


Nerd: That’s terrible! I think I will be so upset I will go to Haagen-Daz and stuff myself silly with ice cream.

Me: Ok. So what if you get great grades?

Nerd: That’s wonderful! I think I will be so happy I will go to Haagen-Daz and stuff myself silly with ice cream.


Somebody please stop me from strangling Nerd.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Public Service Annoucement

Dear all,

Due to Trauma Center: Second Opinion unforseen circumstances, The Misadventures of Sibeh Sian will not be updated until further notice. We appreciate your patience and kind understanding.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. Does anyone know how can I get kill the pesky Savato huh? Thank you thank you!!!!