The long and short about The Bearer Of Bad News

Holy Macaroni.

I think I saw KFC Girl holding hands with some guy something that I shouldn’t have seen while lunching with a client just now.

What shall I do?!?!?!?


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Homely Girls

Despite that very embarrassing situation with Office Bimbo the other day, I’m glad to report here that there haven’t been any awkwardness between us. In fact, we still lunch together almost everyday.

I suspect this is because besides me and Nerd, the rest of the folks in the office don’t really like to have lunch with her. Heh.

Anyway, one of the more popular lunch topics recently is about Homely Girls. Or to be more specific, how all the eligible men in Office Bimbo’s life have been getting snatched by Homely Girls.

I told her not to worry too much because the solution to her problem is actually very simple: All she needs to do is to become a homely girl herself. I was even nice enough to compile a list of that makes an ultimate Homely Girl for her:


1) The 5 Shouldn’ts
Basically, a Homely Girl shouldn’t 1) smoke, 2) drink, 3) club, 4) swear, 5) gamble. Not a very tall order lah, haha. Come to think of it, they also shouldn’t 6) spit. Eh, as in spitting in public.

2) Fashion:
If you really want to be a Homely Girl, then you should do your shopping at very homely and wholesome fashion stores such as Giordano, Bossini, and Hang Ten. Of course, every girl needs to pamper themselves from time to time such as during Chinese New Year. On special occasions such as these, it’s permissible that you shop at high-end boutiques such as This Fashion.

3) Dining:
A Homely Girl takes pride in dining at the humble kopitiam, and prefers char kway teow over caviar, champagne, and foie gras. In fact, they often cook their own meals, and scout for the freshest ingredients at wet markets with their mums. They avoid expensive restaurants unless it’s a special occasion such as birthdays or anniversaries. Only then will they finally relent and place an order for a Crispy two-piece meal.

4) Jewelry:
Even Homely Girls like to get pampered with gifts from time to time, and I would recommend the highly rated Perlini’s Silver. For special occasions such as proposals, you can wow your Homely Girl with a nice bling bling from the very branded Taka Jewellery. In fact, instead of the usual boring diamond and platinum, a much better choice would be good old yellow gold and exquisite jade bangles.


I have no idea why, but after going through my list Office Bimbo told me she would rather be a spinster than to be a Homely Girl.

Sigh.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Brands

Nerd is obsessed with his KFC Girl.

Even though they are not officially a couple yet (or maybe that’s the reason why), Nerd has been racking his brains on how to make her happy. In fact, he has been bugging everyone on what would make a nice gift for her, and that Office Bimbo offhandedly commented “Just get her a Tiffany lah”.

I initially thought Office Bimbo was very suaku because I thought Tiffany was some ulu brand (I have only heard of Soo Kee and Goldheart). You can thus imagine my shock when I realized how over-priced expensive they are.


Me: Ok, I’ve checked and your Tiffany’s and Cartier are indeed very expensive. But I just can’t comprehend what makes them so expensive.

Office Bimbo: Sian, you just don’t get it do you?

Office Bimbo: It’s the brand ok? Everything is about the brand!


I spent the weekend reflecting on what Office Bimbo said, and decided that she does make a lot of sense. I’ve thus advised Nerd to get something from Taka Jewellery, because I bet the jewelry from the very branded Takashimaya must be quite good sia.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Little Blue Box

Hello everyone! Eh, I’m rushing for time so I have to make this a really short one: Does anyone have any idea how much does a Tiffany cost?





Thanks thanks :)!!


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Dates

Ok, I am finally free and composed enough to talk about the shocking events of Saturday.

Being a Man of Action, I took much pain to ensure that I was well prepared for the date: my Batik shirt was neatly pressed, my hair carefully slicked back, and I even brought along some Kit Kat for Office Bimbo.

Unfortunately, the only thing she said when we met up was that she’s dieting, and even if she wasn’t she only takes expensive chocolates from Godiva. Walau.

Anyway, I have no idea how this happened, but our seats were just next to Nerd and his KFC Girl! I was of course very happy and wanted to sit next to Nerd, but Office Bimbo insisted on having that seat (I think it was because it was more to the middle of the screen), so I let her.

I think Office Bimbo was bullshitting about dieting because she kept asking for Nerd’s nuts and cola throughout the show. She was also very selfish because she ignored me when I asked her to pass me some of Nerd’s nuts. Too much sia. In the end I just ate my Kit Kat, which fortunately was very delicious :)

But one redeeming point about Office Bimbo was that she was very friendly. Even though it was our date, she graciously invited Nerd and KFC Girl to have dinner together when the show was over. But I think that Nerd was more interested about having a private dinner with his KFC Girl because they actually sneaked away while we were in the loo and refused to pick up our calls thereafter. Very naughty ah, that Nerd.

Eventually, Office Bimbo and I ended up at KFC alone. I was afraid the chicken was making her nauseous because she didn’t spoke a word throughout the dinner, until she suddenly broke the silence.


Office Bimbo: Why, Sian, why?!?!?!? Why isn’t the object of my affection paying attention to me? Am I not attractive enough?!?!?

Me: No lah no lah, you are very attractive one! (I’m not a cheekopek but my eyes wondered a while to her plunging neckline when she said that, aiyoh)

Office Bimbo: Then why :(?

Me: Hmmm. . . . Ok, I usually joke too much for my own good, but I am going to be very serious for a while ok?

Me: *clears throat*

Me: Bimbo, I am not ready to take our relationship to the next level because if truth is to be told, there is someone deep inside my heart I can’t let go off yet.

Me: Do you understand what I’m saying?

Office Bimbo: . . . .

Office Bimbo: . . . . I was talking about Nerd, you dick-head.


And that’s the long and short about how I embarrassed myself thoroughly over the weekend.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Shocking News

I have shocking news for everyone today:

Office Bimbo is not in crush with me, but with Nerd!!!!

This was really totally unexpected. Will elaborate on what happened once I get over my shock.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Date :)

It’s confirmed: Office Bimbo is so in crush with me :D!!!!

The girl called me at 3am last night and ordered invited me to watch Secret with her this afternoon. I protested that I’ve watched Secret already and thus suggested 881, but before I could finish she shut me off with a “I DON’T CARE I WANT TO WATCH SECRET!!!!”.

I think she’s probably a big fan of Jay Chou or something.

But it’s ok! It’s been ages since I last went on a date, and I was so excited I could hardly sleep last night. I think I shall go iron my favorite Batik shirt and get ready my KFC coupons now :)


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. Coincidentally, Nerd is watching Secret too with his KFC Girl at the same cinema at the same time! Haha, it’s such a small world :)

The long and short about Nerd’s Date

Nerd is a very happy boy.

After 2 weeks of furious MSNing and SMSing, KFC Counter Girl has finally agreed to go on a date with him. Nerd is understandably nervous, but being the very nice friend I am, I gave him three tips on how to score and not screw-up in the weekend date:


1) Treat her to a nice dinner
Since she works at KFC, I am sure she will be very touched if Nerd treats her to the delicious stuff she smells everyday.

2) Be appropriately dressed for the first date
Nerd wanted to wear his tuxedo, but I wisely told him not to be a cock because nobody wears a tuxedo on the first date, but the second.

2) Do bring her to watch Secret
I bet she will get all misty-eyed and collapse into Nerd’s arms at the end of the show. If he’s lucky, he might even get a chance to impress her with his piano skills, heh.


If all things go well, Nerd will get to send her home and get the all-important goodnight kiss. I just hope he won’t do something stupid, like bringing his ‘Sally’ along.

Sigh. I also wanna go on a date sia.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about I Am Not A Kaypoh

Before I say anything, I just want everyone to know that I am not those kaypoh type of people who spreads malicious gossips. But I just have to share what I saw just now.

I was on my way home from yet another light char kway teow supper, when of all people, I have to bump into Ms Tan and her ‘friend’ again.

The only difference is that this time, they saw me too.


Ms Tan: Daddy, this is Sibeh Sian.

Ms Tan: He is the idiot who told the entire office that I’m your kept woman.


I was left speechless. I still can’t believe I heard Ms Tan confessing she has a sugar daddy!


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I think I will play smart this time and only tell the Office Cleaning Auntie about this. Heh.

The long and short about My Weekend With Nerd

I discovered quite a few things about Nerd from the weekend stay.


1) He sleeps in SpongeBob pajamas.

2) Nerd really, really loves his smelly childhood pillow. Even though I also love my smelly childhood pillow to bits, I didn’t go into the extent of bringing it along with me to NS or when I go over to my friends’ place for sleepovers. Just in case you are interested, he calls ‘her’ Sally.

3) We were watching Secret and I was remarking to him that this Jay Chou can play the piano really well. Nerd nonchalantly replied he can do the same thing, and I thought he was bullshitting until he demo-ed at Carrefour after the show. Needless to say I was sibeh impressed.

4) Nerd is very sweaty in bed. Or maybe that’s because we never turned the air-con on. We couldn’t turn the air-con on because for some reason, my mum refused to let us close the master bedroom door. I think she’s trying to save on electricity or something.

5) Nerd was very touched when mum bought him chee cheong fun, which turned out to be his favourite breakfast. He was so touched, he wanted her to be his god-mum. But I think he freaked her out by asking “Auntie, can I call you Mum?”


I am having a hard time falling asleep tonight because that idiot Nerd took my Ling Ling by mistake, and I’m left with his Sally.

Sally smells kind of weird sia.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Slow Bath

Updated!


Sorry for the lack of update folks. Something happened the other day and somehow that took away all my drive to blog. Oh well.

I will be heading straight to bed after I bathe, right after that Nerd is done. I don’t know why he is taking such a long time at the bathroom sia.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I almost forgot. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE :)!!!!


Update:

You people have a very dirty mind. Yes, Nerd is staying at my place over the long weekend, but all he is here for is just some good clean fun with my Wii Wii ok?

Heh.

The long and short about I Have No Idea Why

I have no idea why, but all the women around me seems to be pissed with me.


My Mum:
My mum is pissed with me because I overslept and did not accompany her to the market this morning. She responded by not cooking my favorite chicken chop for lunch, and made me some yucky fish porridge instead. Not that I'm mean or anything, but it was so bad even my mum refused to touch it after a while. We eventually compromised and ordered KFC.

Office Bimbo:
For some reason she is pissed that Nerd is making good progress on KFC Counter Girl. I think she is upset because our relationship is moving at a snail’s pace in comparison. I think I shall be kind to her by bringing her some of the leftover fish porridge fish porridge that I saved just for her.

By the way she denied that she was the one who sent me the damn nice poem when I asked her about it. I never knew she was so shy, but I guess that’s how girls behave when they are in love. Sibeh heng I read those Teenage magazines last time, otherwise I would have absolutely no idea what makes girls tick sia.

Ms Tan:
Suffice to say, she was very pissed with me for spilling the beans on her. Being the Clever Boy I am, I attempted to salvage the situation by emailing everyone that I was drunk that night so what I saw may not necessarily be true. My Boss responded by telling me “You hong gan lah! Why never share such juicy news with me earlier :D?”

I hope I did the right thing, because she just messaged me to tell me to report to her office the first thing in the morning again. I don’t believe in bribery, but I think I shall bring some bean curd for her just in case she gets hungry.


Why am I feeling the Monday blues already?!?!?


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Stupid Kaypoh

I know you guys are curious, so here’s what happened that morning at Ms Tan’s office:


Ms Tan: Do you know why I ordered you here the first thing in the morning?

Me: I know Ms Tan, and I am really, really sorry for what I did! I really shouldn’t have told the office about you did with that uncle that night!

Ms Tan: . . . .

Ms Tan: Actually, I asked you here because I wanted to congratulate you on the job well done for the recent project.


There is no cure for stupidity.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about I Am So Dead #564564

I just received an SMS from Ms Tan telling me to report to her office THE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING, in capital letters.

I am so dead.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. In other news, KFC Counter Girl really did give Nerd her number. What is this world coming to :P?!?!?!?