The long and short about I Am So Not Dead :)

The long and short about I Am So Not Dead :)



People :D! I have a very happy and exciting piece of news to share with you today.

I’ve got my job back :)

Actually, that wasn’t very accurate because I never got fired in the first place. This is going to be very confusing, so I’ll break down what happened in chronological order to make it less so:


6th February:
Being the hardworking employee that I am, I was working overtime as usual that night. And being the very hardworking people Boss and Sexy New Colleague were, they were, eh, hard at work in their office too.

It could have been a very uneventful night, but my Boss’ Tai Tai Wife decided to make a visit to the office. I have no idea why, but she brought at least five or six of her Tai Tai friends along. She asked me where was Boss and I replied he was hard at work in his office with my Sexy New Colleague. She then asked me how long has Boss been hard at work in his office with my Sexy New Colleague, and I truthfully replied that he had been hard at work with my Sexy New Colleague every night for the past week or so.

My Boss’ Tai Tai Wife shouted “HONG GAN!” and told me to go home. I meekly obliged because she sounded very fierce.

7th February:
I reported for work in the morning, and found the office in an uproar. Nobody was doing any work and was gossiping about what happened to the Boss, who was not in the office. If you must know, I’m not someone to gossip, but I was really concerned about Boss and so I asked them what happened.

What I heard shocked me beyond words: it turned out that my Boss was not doing work in his office with Sexy New Colleague, but they were busy making babies instead! Apparently, someone in the office ratted on Boss by telling his Tai Tai Wife about what is happening. She then caught them in the act with the help of the rat, and gave Boss and Sexy New Colleague a real thrashing last night.

I was shocked beyond words because I thought Boss and Sexy New Colleague were doing real work. But they betrayed my trust instead! The two of them, too much. My colleagues were very shocked too, and decided not to do any work because they needed to calm their nerves, and also because Boss were not around and Ms Tan was on leave. In fact, they needed to calm their nerves so much they decided to knock off early at 4:30pm.

I wanted to go home early too, but decided not to because I wanted to clear my work before going on annual leave for the next three weeks. But that turned out to be a mistake because Boss came in at 5:30pm looking very, very pissed. He asked where everybody was, and I told him they are probably having dinner now. I have no idea why but he got even more pissed.

He then turned towards me and asked me if I was the rat. I shook my head and told him I was born in the year of the Horse. I have no idea why but he turned ballistic and told me to go hong gan and never return to the office ever again.

8th – 21st February:
I spent the next few days pondering about my Boss’ cryptic words: when he said ‘never return to the office ever again’, does that mean he was giving me the sack? Alas, I realized that must have been what he meant because nobody from the office called even though I did not report for work for the next few days.

I was such a broken man.

22nd February:
Went back to the office to collect my stuff, but I couldn’t even say my goodbyes because everyone was at a meeting. Committed bak gua theft.

5th March:
Received a call this morning from Ms Tan to get my ass into her office. I did. She asked me why I didn’t reply her calls on Thurday and Friday, and I told her I was on a cruise. She went livid and asked what the hell was I doing on a cruise when my leave was until Wednesday.

And that’s when everything became clear to me: I was never fired! The guys in the office didn’t call me up because I was supposed to be on leave! I was so overwhelmed with joy I forgot myself and gave Ms Tan a hug. I then shouted I will work very hard from now on and went back to my desk, happy as a lark :)


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. My Boss is currently holidaying at the Maldives with Tai Tai Wife.

P.P.S. Sexy New Colleague has been fired!

P.P.P.S. My Boss cancelled a business deal with a long time client because they forgot to give bak gua to Boss during Chinese New Year. Apparently, my Boss got into a big argument with them because they claimed they did give the bak gua. I don’t understand what the big fuss is about because afterall, it’s just bak gua. Oh well.