The long and short about Miss Singapore Universe

One of the perks I occasionally get from my otherwise monotonous job is that I get perks occasionally. Despite all that I’ve done and what I haven’t, my Project Y client was kind enough to offer a pair of invites to the Miss Singapore Universe pageant, which they were sponsoring. Being co-coordinators for the project, I went with The Office Bimbo on Sunday night.

I had complaints even before the show started. Firstly, Mediacorp is located in like a damn ulu place. I’ve never been to the studios before, and relied on my trustworthy bus directory to find my way there. What awaited me upon alighting is an arduous ten-minute walk, perhaps more. Needless to say, I was completely drenched with sweat at the end of the ordeal. I’m thankful for the singlet I wore, otherwise my precious maroon Gold Lion shirt would have been marked with unsightly sweat stains.

I was catching my breath at the gates when I saw The Bimbo arriving in style. I was pissed because 1) She was not sweaty because she arrived in an SLK, 2) She was chauffeured by her equally intelligent boyfriend who owns the said SLK, 3) I could have been driving an SLK if my Big Sweep numbers didn’t screwed up.

Which brought me to the second complaint I have about Mediacorp: their tickets suck. The instructions behind stated “Smart Attire”, but I was probably the only one in a short-sleeve maroon Gold Lion because practically everyone else were dressing as if they were going for a company D&D. The Bimbo, in particularly, looked like she was going to audition for getai after the show. Heh heh.

The show finally started after a while, and frankly, I was feeling kind of sleepy until the swimsuit parade started. I was wide-awake not because I’m lecherous, but because I was utterly appalled by the obvious lowering of moral standards: Back in my time, swimsuit parades were frowned upon, and all contestants would be in one-piece suits with nondescript colors. But on Sunday night, I almost went blind because not only were they in bikinis, but it was colored bright orange too. Tsk tsk.

Audible gasps were heard towards the end of the segment when Contestant Number 13, Ms Carol Cheng, appeared with her, eh, considerable talents.



Contestant Number 13


For the record, I prefer more ‘Asian’ sized ones because anything that is supersized scares me. Bimbo, in the mean time, muttered “Bitch” under her breath, and subconsciously adjusted her what-I-suspect-to-be push-up bra. Man, I can never understand women.

The next contestant to appear caused Bimbo to squeal excitedly because it turns out that she was her senior in uni. I read Contestant Number 14’s profile in the glossy pictorial given before the show, and was flabbergasted when I found out Ms Michelle Tsai is now a tutor at the said uni. Damn. If I had cute tutors like her back in my uni days, I’m sure I would have got a 1st Class instead of my mediocre Pass, because I would have faithfully attended all my tutorials.

The most anticipated segment was undoubtedly the Q&A round, because I suspect everyone has a sadistic desire to watch beautiful (and some not so beautiful) people screw up on national TV. But after a short moment of glee, I felt rather bad for some of the contestants who committed national faux pas because “Omigod-what-the-hell-did-I-just-said?!?!” was plainly written across their faces. I knew perfectly well how they felt because I once answered ‘chameleon’ when an interviewer asked me about my favorite animal.

At the end of the day, I found myself rooting for Contestant Number 17, Jade Seah, because not only did she looked good, she gave what I personally felt were the most articulate answers in the Q&As. I was thus very much surprised when Carol was announced as the winner instead. Not only was I surprised, but I was rather worried too because the hordes of Jade Seah supporters didn’t sound exactly happy after the results were announced, and I could have been wrongly identified as a Carol fan after I unsuccessfully tried to take a picture with the winner. Oh well.

Anyway, the funniest moment of the show was when all the contestants rushed to kiss and congratulate Carol after she was crowned. I don’t know why, but I think some of them were tearing. Maybe it was because they were so genuinely happy for Carol, or something.

All in all, it was an interesting night, though it didn’t end as nicely as it could have been because it ended with a long and sweaty walk to the bus stop. I think I don’t quite like colleagues with two-seater SLK owners as boyfriends because they have the best excuse not to give me a ride home. I was also hoping that maybe some of the contestants will be taking the same bus as me, but no such luck.

Damn.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I just realized that this is post number 13. Heh.