The Misadventures of Sibeh Sian

You can call me Sian. Sibeh Sian.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

The long and short about How To Protect Yourself Against Lousy Boyfriends



I was watching 我猜,我猜, 我猜猜猜 the other night because they feature a lot of Taiwanese babes who likes to act cute because I enjoy learning about the Taiwanese culture.


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But I’m not going to talk about the girls today. Instead, I’m talking about their ex-boyfriends. It seems that the girls were cheated on by their exes, subjected to varying degrees of humiliation, and were even badly beaten up in a few cases.

I was very angry because seriously, that’s no way to treat the object of your affection. It frustrates me even more that the girls chose to remain silent about their situation until the abuses became blatant. So for once, I am going to post something useful today: I’m going to tell you what you can do to protect yourself against those backside-holes.


Sibeh Sian’s Guide on How You Can Protect Yourself Against Lousy Boyfriends

1) Get a nerd for a boyfriend.
What your mum has been saying is true! Instead of those yandao/bad boy/attitude type of guys, you can save yourself a lot of heartache by getting a boring-as-hell homely boy for a boyfriend. Not only will he not abuse you, he will treat you like a princess. The two of you will have so much fun shopping at Sim Lim Square and Funan Centre every weekend. Heh.

(Incidentally, I happen to be quite nerdy so if you need a boyfriend, heh heh heh)

2) Be in the know.
Ok, so let’s say you want to try your luck and get a yandao/bad boy/attitude boyfriend. The first thing you can do to protect yourself is to stalk him. Start by sticking to him all the time. Make sure he reports to you where he is when you guys are not together, on a half-hourly basis. Check his SMSes. Steal his email/MSN passwords. Confiscate his passport. While all these may appear to be a bit extreme, they will act as very useful measures to alert you that your boyfriend is up to anything funny.

3) Make him spend a lot of money on you. A lot, a lot of money on you.
This tip is rather straight forward: make him spend a lot, a lot of money on you. The rationale for this is that he will think twice about ill-treating you since he has put in so much investment. So go ahead, get that fancy dress/ make-up/ $3,000 LV bag/ SLK, all on his account. If he has a credit card, make sure he gives a supplementary card to you. While you are at it, get his PIN too. Slap him if he whines about your spending, because you are really doing it for the sake of your relationship.

4) Chase away all his friends.
More often than not, your boyfriend will be more inclined to go sowing his seeds around in Geylang/ Zouk/ Changi Beach while partying with his useless friends. Either that or he waste his weekends by watching English soccer with his pals instead of shopping with you. He might even go gay with them. So be proactive: by driving away all of his friends, he has little choice but to stick to you all the time. Ways in which you can drive away his friends include telling your boyfriend his best buddy tried to make a pass at you. Heh.

5) Learn Kung-Fu.
Kung-fu is just an example. If you like Korean dramas, go learn Tae Kwon Do, or Karate if you are into J-Pop. The morale of the story is: learn how to defend yourself. The skills you learn will come in very useful against the lousy boyfriend or those sickos lurking in MRTs/SBSs/HDB lifts. For example, if your boyfriend tries to get ‘funny’ with you, you can be sure you can divert his attention with a swift kick to his nuts (ouch). Alternatively, you can also use your skills to force him into submission, if you are into SM. Heh.


You girls can thank me after your boyfriend gets domesticated :)


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

21 Comments:

  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 11:02:00 AM, Blogger :: pinGz :: said…

    are u hoping that the girls will be ditched after the above had been done and you can offer urself as a substitute?

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 11:04:00 AM, Blogger Christel said…

    Please don't tell me you are in marketing ok? The only time girls end up with jerks are when there is an IQ malfunction.

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 11:23:00 AM, Blogger imnothere said…

    Mr SBS,
    i have to say that you have no sense of self-preservation. do you know how valuable the equipment between our legs are? family jewel, they were called. And you want the girls to learn how to kick us between the legs?

    i am sure that Adrenaline will be more than happy to give you your share of kicking.

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 12:20:00 PM, Blogger aLL tHiNgS pReTtY said…

    I caught that episode of 'Guess Guess Guess' too! It is extremely shocking to see how the girl can go back to the boy when he kicked/pushed/beat her down from the 4th floor staircase all the way to the first floor! *horrified*

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 12:25:00 PM, Blogger Jinkang said…

    I'll bet Sushi Eating Friend will loves doing these. It's LOVE~

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 12:54:00 PM, Blogger Green Ogre said…

    These are all damn bad advice leh.

    You are such a sucker for punishment. I think you would be a very happy pair with Adrenaline. She likes inflicting pain, you like taking pain.

    Oh, you could also come look for me for your daily dose of getting kicked.

    Still, you are right about one thing. Guys that hit girls don't deserve a girlfriend or wife.

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 1:10:00 PM, Blogger Vivi said…

    I watched that episode on Tv TOO!!!!!!!!! It like omg, how weak can gals get? Anywae, haha, i think if we go according to your methods, we be bfless in 1 week. lol.

    Balance is the key man!!!!!!

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 1:11:00 PM, Blogger nad said…

    hmmm shall follow sian's advice. 1) settled le.

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 4:00:00 PM, Blogger Rainie said…

    points taken...

    point #1 - done

    mmm i happen to love spending weekends with my IT-pro bf at SLS and Funan :)

    *grin*

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 4:34:00 PM, Blogger Saroette said…

    SBS, being the highly intelligent man that you are... u taught the girls these? Then how come u no teach urself how to get a gf wor? hahahaha...

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 4:36:00 PM, Blogger JayWalk said…

    I am appalled!!!

    How can you teach the girls this type of thing!!!

    You betrayed mankind!! You sold out your gender!

    Judas!!!!

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 10:35:00 PM, Blogger Chi Ying said…

    I don't like to be a nerd...=)

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 11:02:00 PM, Blogger flying paper said…

    point 3 sounds good..... haha... so you'll follow the points you state right? hahaha

    Btw, i find the girls in the show too pitiful and too foolish to be true le.... i'm definitely not going to let my bf bully me..haha

     
  • At Thursday, April 19, 2007 11:26:00 PM, Blogger Champion Chen said…

    Taekwondo is from Korea not Jeepun!!! :x

    I "acchar!" you then you know! :P

     
  • At Friday, April 20, 2007 9:37:00 AM, Blogger Rainie said…

    SBS, for point #4...

    you don't mind having a super clingy gf meh?

    it's pretty scary to have someone with you everyday and probably every min... if she isn't physically with you, she would probably call you every 1/2 hour to check on you.

    even parents don't do that... =X

     
  • At Friday, April 20, 2007 10:26:00 AM, Blogger Sunflower said…

    I am laughing out loud of those comments made by Green Ogre

    "You are such a sucker for punishment. I think you would be a very happy pair with Adrenaline. She likes inflicting pain, you like taking pain"

    YOu never change.....

     
  • At Friday, April 20, 2007 2:25:00 PM, Blogger tstar said…

    for once i agree completely with you.

     
  • At Friday, April 20, 2007 5:14:00 PM, Blogger <*ANGEL*> said…

    You super sure you want to let your gf:
    - chase all your frens away
    - gain excess into all your confidential info
    - make you spend loads of money on her

    Hahaha... digging your own grave I say! Muahaha...

     
  • At Friday, April 20, 2007 5:34:00 PM, Blogger Adrenaline said…

    is that why u turn out the way u are now? becos u kena this kind of treatment by some girl before? oh, u know, i thot u're born like that one.

    imnothere: Without a doubt.

    Ogre: u fuck off lah.

     
  • At Sunday, April 22, 2007 10:38:00 AM, Blogger Sibeh Sian said…

    Pingz: Very nice idea, but I'm a good boy, so no, haha :D....

    Christel: I am indeed in marketing :D!

    Imnothere: That's why I think guys should invest in pampers when they travel :)

    ATP: It was very, very shocking, and I have no idea why she wants to go back to that jerk head :(

    Jinkang: Sushi Eating Friend :(....

    Green Ogre: While I agree Adrenaline likes inflicting pain, I must say I don't enjoy taking pain at all! Serious :D!

    Vivi: No lah, won't be bfless one! Just try first lah, haha :D....

    Nad: Indeed, Point 1 is the most sensible option! Heh.

    Rainie: Your bf is a very lucky man! It's a blessing to find a gf who enjoys shopping at SLS and Funan :) YOu guys will probably have babies soon :)

    Saroette: Aiyah, if I know how to get a gf I would have got myself one long long time ago :(

    Jaywalk: Heh heh heh :D

    Chi Ying: Nerds are good! Serious :D!

    Flying Paper: Of course cannot let your bf bully you :D! If he naughty you should slap his butt, muahahah :D....

    Champion Chen: YOu is sibeh fierce sia, haha :D....

    Rainie: As I don't even have a gf, I seriously dun mind a super clingy one, haha :D....

    Sunflower: In the world of change, I am the only constant. Heh :)

    Tstar: Very, very good :D!

    Angel: What can I say, but that love is blind? Haha....

    Adrenaline: Born like that your head lah born like that. When we meeting for prata?

     
  • At Thursday, May 17, 2007 10:20:00 PM, Blogger Dave said…

    obviously, i only agree to the first suggestion there.. the rest of your methods should be under "how to protect yourself from yandao/rich/badboy boyfriends".. some of those methods might backfire.. the rest of the methods except method 1 makes them girls look like bitches.. i believe you wouldn't want to influence girls to succumb to that.. simple, don't get a boyfriend.

     

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