The long and short about The Oprah Interview

Oprah Winner: Good evening everyone. Hello and welcome to The Oprah Winner Show.

Oprah: Tonight, we have with us in the studio a very special guest. A big round of applause for Mr Sibeh Sian please.

Sibeh Sian: Haha, hello everyone! I am Sibeh Sian, hahahaha. . . .

Oprah: I hope you are comfortably settled on the couch, Mr Sian. Now tell us: how does it feel to be a 28-year-old virgin?

Sian: Actually, my birthday is still a week away, so technically speaking I am still a 27-year-old virgin, haha. . . . Anyway, I don’t feel any different from non-virgins even though I am a virgin. I think. Actually that is not very accurate because I don’t know how a non-virgin would feel like because I am not a non-virgin, haha. . . .

Oprah: Fine. But knowing that men are biologically wired to sow their seeds around, do you feel deprived?

Sian: To be very honest, I don’t really feel deprived because there are so much more to life than sex, such as TV and Chinese Chess over the internet, haha. . . .

Oprah: . . . . Right.

Oprah: Anyway, the reason why we invited you to the show is because we understand you are in a situation right now. Your good friend might possibly get back into a relationship with a jerk who has hurt her before and who might possibly do so again. And you are sitting around and doing nothing. What kind of a man are you, Mr Sian?

Sian: . . . . I am a Man of Action.

Sian: I have thought it over, and have decided that I am not going to sit on my butt and whine. In fact, I am going to be proactive, and put a decisive stop to Mr Ex Boyfriend’s evil plans.

Oprah: Wow, that is quite a surprise. Do you mind telling us what you have in mind, Mr Sian?

Sian: I am going to find a bunch of Ah Bengs to beat Mr Ex Boyfriend up so he can’t go to the concert.

Sian: But since I have no Ah Beng friends, I have to make do with Plan B: I am having dinner with Sushi Eating Friend on Friday night, and I am going to tell her that she shouldn’t go to the concert with Mr Ex Boyfriend because he is a jerk and he has herpes.

Oprah: That is very smart! I think you are a very clever boy, Mr Sian. However, I understand you also have two tickets to the Ono Lisa concert that you have kept stuffed in your pockets since your trip to the airport.

Sian: Oh! Those tickets! They can’t be used now. My mum threw my pants into the washing machine, and they are now in crumbs.

Sian: Haha, I was just kidding. I have not figured out what to do with the tickets yet.

Oprah: Fine, Mr Sian, I respect your non-decision. I think it would be a bad idea too to pass her the concert tickets now, because that might add to her emotional confusion.

Sian: I am so glad you agree with my non-decision!

Oprah: Yes indeed. By the way, since you are not going to the concert, can you give me your tickets please? I am quite a fan of Ono.

Sian: No problem. $1000 per ticket please.

Oprah: You go hong gan lah you.


With Love,
Sibeh Sian