The long and short about A Lousy Way To Start The Year
Barely a week into the new year, and I already have a very, very serious problem: I haven’t shitted for the past four days.
I’ve tried everything: bananas, Yakult, and even my mum’s Fibregel. But it just refuse to budge. I’ve considered medical help, but thought the better of it after hearing horror stories about having to bend over and get subjected to backside probing and scrutiny from Nerd.
I am in pure agony now because there’s at least eight pieces of KFC in the nether regions of my stomach. It is so bad I even rejected Office Bimbo when she asked me out for dinner during the weekend.
Please excuse me while I go stuff another banana in.
With Love,
Sibeh “Lorenzo” Sian
posted by Sibeh Sian @ 9:26 AM
19 Comments:
At Monday, January 08, 2007 9:34:00 AM,
CRABBY GAL said…
Try drinking 1Litre of Prune Juice, confirm lao sai. I guarantee!
At Monday, January 08, 2007 11:18:00 AM,
Sunflower said…
Drink cold coffee (not those starbucks's coffee) just normal 3 in 1
At Monday, January 08, 2007 11:32:00 AM,
OLLie said…
8 pieces of KFC! All stuffed inside and not out yet. Best.
Ya drink prune juice. It helps alot.
Otherwise you'll get bad breath 'cause the smell of erm, your shit will travel back up the other way to escape.
At Monday, January 08, 2007 11:51:00 AM,
Christel said…
Sounds like a case of indigestion you have. I went to the doctor for that on New Year's day and trust me, nothing is stuck to your rear.
If you can, get on a simple diet of fruits and veggies. Keep off meat for a few days.
At Monday, January 08, 2007 12:44:00 PM,
babyviolette said…
I support the use of prune juice like the others. After drinking the prune juice you could also eat some sour mango, birds eye chilli and drink some milk....
At Monday, January 08, 2007 1:02:00 PM,
sÞ¡ηηєє said…
Papaya will definitely work.
If not buy those anal pump. Sure 100% lao one.grinz
At Monday, January 08, 2007 3:48:00 PM,
Ignorant one said…
go make milo, leave it in the air for 8 hrs and drink.
sure make u lao dao bu xing. :)
At Monday, January 08, 2007 3:54:00 PM,
tstar said…
sounds like you have constipation... Probe your anus then let doctor probe lah! Maybe the doc handsome somemore! But doc will only probe if you have piles, not constipation. Go to doc for constipation med or something. I warn you hor, ur shit stuck there for 4 days liao, I think all the water absorbed into your body, so when you try to get it out it's going to be very hard, but just get the damn thing out this once and next time stuff more bananas down the right hole!
At Monday, January 08, 2007 4:38:00 PM,
pari said…
Sounds serious. You might want to see the doc once and for all. Makes sure the person gives you the right medication. Probably an urban legend, but some person with constipation got medication for diarrhea instead and he died. I hope that's motivation enough for you.
Or. If you really wanna kill yourself with all the DIY stuff. Chili + Lime + Ice cream.
At Monday, January 08, 2007 5:51:00 PM,
Cindy said…
Drink a few cups of expresso in the morning. Confirm lao one.
Another sure-win method is to drink LOTS of alcohol the night before.
Or combine the two and next day will surely lao non-stop.
One more little-known method is to take sleeping pill the night before. Side effect is diarrhea. (Note: do not combine alcohol with sleeping pills, unless you don't wanna wake up.)
At Monday, January 08, 2007 6:29:00 PM,
JayWalk said…
Aiyoh. You toopid boy. I know where you go wrong liao lah.
All the banana, fibregel hor, is going in via the mouth and not the other way round lah.
If you go stuff another banana in, how shit going to come out?
p.s. Cranberry juice also very effective.
At Monday, January 08, 2007 7:25:00 PM,
dave said…
vacuum cleaner. those mini hand held ones also can, if you're too worries about having an arse the size of street car exhausts :P
At Monday, January 08, 2007 9:51:00 PM,
The Rational Neurotic said…
I had the same problem. I hate one firm banana, and LS! Woohoo, flat tummy. Try this: eat a lot of fibre-y stuff for many days and then some cold coffee like what sunflower said and then eat one nice burger at the end of 3 days if it doesn't come out. It worked for me.
At Monday, January 08, 2007 10:20:00 PM,
Vera said…
eat some not so fresh sea-hum.. i think sure can lao sai..
hehehe
Or go do some exercises and drink the prune juice..
At Monday, January 08, 2007 11:25:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
Just eat some expired bread which got fungi on it. It will do the trick.
包你又拉又泻到ki笑. =D
At Wednesday, January 10, 2007 10:27:00 AM,
Sibeh Sian said…
Dear All: At the time of writing, I've gone 6 days without shitting. Please pray for me :(
At Thursday, January 11, 2007 10:58:00 AM,
Lee Poh See said…
Get 'Senokot' natural laxative (with senna).
Take two tablets before you sleep. Bowel will move in 8 to 10 hours, the next morning you will 'go' already.
So simple.
At Thursday, January 11, 2007 2:49:00 PM,
the virgin undergrad said…
My mum used to force me to eat this stuff called 印度神粉 which roughly translates to Mystical Indian Powder when i am constipated. Despite its weird name, it really is some form of liquid fibre. U can buy it from Mustafa Centre and all u have to do is to mix it with water and add some honey to make it more palatable. It definitely works. Can't remember the exact name, but the box is green and white.
At Thursday, January 11, 2007 10:21:00 PM,
Cheryl Ong said…
hey.. try B&H Detoxification capsules. you know the one sold in guardian pharmacy? Blue colour package one. It doesn't just help to regulate your bowel movements, it would also replenish you with nutrients! It's a traditional chinese medicine. Damn good. confirm you will shit in about 8 hours. =P
My friends got lobang. Teeheehee. Its more expensive to get it from guardian.
Btw, it's a really serious problem. There is this old man right, he had constipation which leads to insomia. And then right.. he passed awhile in his sleep.=s read from lian he zao bao.
Email me if you want the lobang okay? gischeryl@gmail.com
Post a Comment
<< Home