The Misadventures of Sibeh Sian

You can call me Sian. Sibeh Sian.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

The long and short about What Women Want



In the three days that Boss and Ms Tan are not around, Office Bimbo has been bringing her SLK-Driving Boyfriend to the office. Being the morally-upright people we are, Nerd and I are disappointed glad to report here that we have not heard any ‘funny’ noises coming from their cubicle. Heh.

I once asked Office Bimbo what females in general look for in their potential Significant Other. Her reply was that she followed a simple 3-step process. Firstly, the guy must be Rich. Meaning, rich enough to provide a tai-tai lifestyle after marriage. Secondly, the guy must be Handsome. Surprisingly, muscles are optional. Finally, the guy must have Attitude.

While the first two criteria were quite self-explanatory, I was befuddled by the ‘Attitude’ portion because if you think about it, every Tom Dick and Harry has an attitude. Some have a ‘heck-care’ attitude. Some have a ‘pessimistic’ attitude. I personally have the ‘benign and bo-chup’ attitude, as well as ‘cheapo’. I tried explaining this to Office Bimbo, but all she did was to roll her eyes and say “You just don’t get it”.

I also tried to query her on the practicality of her 3-step process:


Me: Is it really possible to find someone who fulfills all three criteria in your 3-step process?

Office Bimbo: Obviously it’s not going to be easy, especially if you are nowhere as good looking as me. (Flicks her hair subconsciously) But personally, I can compromise on the ‘Handsome’ and ‘Attitude’ criteria if he fulfills the ‘Rich’ portion well.

Me: What about brains? Or personality? Or a good sense of humor?

Office Bimbo: (Rolls her eyes again) Let me explain this by way of an analogy. Suppose you are getting a car. What you are most interested in are the performance, the look, and very importantly, the brand. These three attributes corresponds with the ‘Attitude’, ‘Handsome’ and ‘Rich’ criteria respectively.

Office Bimbo: On the other hand, your so-called ‘personality’ and ‘humor’ are like the stereo and carpeting. Nice to have around, but not really essential or practical in the long run.


I am crossing my fingers that that is not what all women want because I fail badly in all three categories. But when I look at the SLK-Driving Boyfriend, with his perpetually bored expression as he spend hours filing his nails, I wonder if I’ll really be happier if I meet all the criteria. Or maybe he was just showing his ‘attitude’.

I’ve also asked Sushi Eating Friend, who had a history of getting her heart burnt by guys previously, the same question before. Her answer was more straightforward.

“My ideal mate? Simple. Anyone without a dick.”

I can so see myself passing through the pearly gates of heaven as a virgin.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

17 Comments:

  • At Thursday, June 15, 2006 4:52:00 PM, Blogger Sunflower said…

    sian your entry never fail to make me laugh.... ha ha ha LOL!!!!

    Aiyo, i dont think you are going to remove your dick for Sushi Eating Friend!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

    If deh, you will be definitely a virgin forever liao.

    *sweat*

     
  • At Thursday, June 15, 2006 5:32:00 PM, Blogger Adrenaline said…

    Instead of the 3 criterias to be fulfilled, you must make sure u do not fall under these 3 categories:

    1) Stingy

    All girls dislike stingy men. Serious. Not every girl needs their men to pay for their every meals, but if u go after a potential target for the 50 cents that she owes u for the cup of milo that u bought earlier, then u're sibeh stingy and will be shunned by everybody.

    2) Too sex-crazed

    By constantly toking abt desperate you are to lose your virginity and how much sex u are NOT getting

    3) Egoistic

    Too many men are far too egoistic and too much of a male chauvinist.

    As far as I can see, u've fallen into the above 2 categories. So better buck up or risk falling into the third one.

     
  • At Thursday, June 15, 2006 8:52:00 PM, Blogger Cake said…

    neh mind.

    Your mother love you can already.

    *pats Sibeh Sian's back*

    SHI SHANG ZHI YOU MAMA HAOOO.

     
  • At Thursday, June 15, 2006 11:44:00 PM, Blogger OLLie said…

    Ay, unless you are only interested in Sushi Eating Friend who in turn is only interested in someone without a dick, then you have no need to worry about passing through the pearly gates of heavens a virgin.

     
  • At Thursday, June 15, 2006 11:56:00 PM, Blogger The Oriental Express said…

    Like Sunflower, your entry made me laugh till I becme full!

    It's a pity old aunty is already three score minus 8, if not old aunty would have chosen you!! :-)

    Seriously, tell Office Bimbo that the young pretty ladies will easily fall for your delightful sense of humour for you are partially related to William Hung. Rich and handsome men can be boring at times, you know. !!

     
  • At Friday, June 16, 2006 10:11:00 AM, Blogger pj said…

    u know.. u can also try to hv those attributes wht..

    1.) rich: now world cup. go bet on some races.. some are a no brainer - czech now doing pretty well, spain too...

    2.) handsome: plastic surgery. there is always hope. no such thing as a ugly person, only a lazy person. or pls learn how to make up. and dress up spiffy.

    3.) attitude: this one a bit difficult. but generally, just one rule will do: treat the woman like shit. i don't know why, but the ladies always like a bad boy.


    don't say i never helpchu...

     
  • At Friday, June 16, 2006 10:16:00 AM, Blogger Green Ogre said…

    HAve you ever considered turning gay? It's really not as bad as what the mass media would like to make it out to be. You've got funny and humourous, which is a nice pre-requsite to being an attractive gay.

    And for guys like Office Bimbo? Love them and drop them, they're not worth it. Her opinion of what women want do not represent the general female population.

    You can be patient and wait for SLK Driving Boyfriend to dump her. Real men drive the Volvo S60R, BMW M3 or a Porsche 911, since he doesn't seem to be able to afford a Ferrari or a Lamborghini.

    Or maybe, he just makes really good jokes that you don't hear about. :P

     
  • At Friday, June 16, 2006 10:34:00 AM, Blogger nadnut said…

    you sound like another blogger i know... hmmmm. misadventures of ... also. hmmmmm

     
  • At Friday, June 16, 2006 10:42:00 AM, Blogger twinkies said…

    Your entries are so farnee! :)

     
  • At Friday, June 16, 2006 11:21:00 AM, Blogger Sibeh Sian said…

    Sunflower: I still have my backside. Muahahah! Nay, I won't remove my dick for any one, not even Sushi Eating Friend.

    Adrenaline: The word is thrifty and not stingy ok? Anyway, I won't chase after a girl for 50 cents. $2 maybe, but not 50 cents. I'm not that cheapo.

    Cake: YOU MA DE HAI ZI XIANG GE BAO. . . .

    Ollie: I'm just very, very scared that women only falls into these two narrowly defined categories :(

    Oriental Express: To be perfectly frank, a dead silence is what usually follows after I tell telling my jokes in the office.

    PJ: You can help me fulfill the stuff by passing me a sizeable portion of your winnings. TKVM!

    Green Ogre: No worries, I am in no way attracted to Office Bimbo. I think. Heh.

    Nadnut: Who??? WHO?!?!? Muahaha.

    Twinkies: You is very kind person. And very honest too. Heh.

     
  • At Friday, June 16, 2006 12:00:00 PM, Blogger nadnut said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At Friday, June 16, 2006 12:43:00 PM, Blogger Winter_Cherrie said…

    i think woman likes funny, honest and sincere guys. Rich makes you proud and snobbish at least tats what i observe.

    So just be yourself...look at how many ppl are dropping comments in ur blog that prove tat you are definitely interesting :)

     
  • At Friday, June 16, 2006 2:36:00 PM, Blogger Zhe Bin said…

    I'd like to think that even if you fall under the 3 categories Adrenaline mentioned, it's almost perfectly fine if you are gorgeously handsome or filthily rich, or both. I mean, that's how this whole thing works what, no? This is a very honest conclusion from a keen observation ever since I start to know ABC and 123. = )

    And no I am not bitter about it cos, even with boobs bigger than their asses, they're so not getting me laid. Those bitches. They have their 3 categories to fulfil too. Muahahaha.

     
  • At Friday, June 16, 2006 3:30:00 PM, Blogger shixin said…

    eh, is the office bimbo rich and pretty herself or not? If she's not, then ask her why would a rich and handsome guy go for a poor and ugly black swan? no reason - except for the sex.

    If the SLK-driving bf comes again, ask him what he sees in her. Will be interested in knowing...

     
  • At Friday, June 16, 2006 4:20:00 PM, Blogger Sibeh Sian said…

    WinterC: You are very kind. Unfortunately, I'm those type of guys that will probably bore the living daylights out of you in Real Life :P

    Zhe Bin: Muahaha! Very keen observations. I'm inclined to agree with you ah.

    Shixin: From what I know, Office Bimbo has a very rich and retired dad who happens to be very, very good friends with my Boss. She also happens to be the latter's god-daughter. As for whether if she's good looking, you can find a close approximation here: http://sibehsibehsian.blogspot.com/2006/04/long-and-short-about-people-in-my-life.html

     
  • At Saturday, June 17, 2006 10:11:00 AM, Blogger dandan...™ said…

    hahahaa..
    so funny..
    r u sure?
    anyone without a dick is fine?

     
  • At Tuesday, June 20, 2006 12:15:00 PM, Blogger Ang Ku Kueh said…

    oh please lah, where got die a virgin! anyhow also can get rid of that icky pc of flesh! oh...sorry, forget you guy....

    but u know what i mean!!!

     

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