The long and short about What Women Want

In the three days that Boss and Ms Tan are not around, Office Bimbo has been bringing her SLK-Driving Boyfriend to the office. Being the morally-upright people we are, Nerd and I are disappointed glad to report here that we have not heard any ‘funny’ noises coming from their cubicle. Heh.

I once asked Office Bimbo what females in general look for in their potential Significant Other. Her reply was that she followed a simple 3-step process. Firstly, the guy must be Rich. Meaning, rich enough to provide a tai-tai lifestyle after marriage. Secondly, the guy must be Handsome. Surprisingly, muscles are optional. Finally, the guy must have Attitude.

While the first two criteria were quite self-explanatory, I was befuddled by the ‘Attitude’ portion because if you think about it, every Tom Dick and Harry has an attitude. Some have a ‘heck-care’ attitude. Some have a ‘pessimistic’ attitude. I personally have the ‘benign and bo-chup’ attitude, as well as ‘cheapo’. I tried explaining this to Office Bimbo, but all she did was to roll her eyes and say “You just don’t get it”.

I also tried to query her on the practicality of her 3-step process:


Me: Is it really possible to find someone who fulfills all three criteria in your 3-step process?

Office Bimbo: Obviously it’s not going to be easy, especially if you are nowhere as good looking as me. (Flicks her hair subconsciously) But personally, I can compromise on the ‘Handsome’ and ‘Attitude’ criteria if he fulfills the ‘Rich’ portion well.

Me: What about brains? Or personality? Or a good sense of humor?

Office Bimbo: (Rolls her eyes again) Let me explain this by way of an analogy. Suppose you are getting a car. What you are most interested in are the performance, the look, and very importantly, the brand. These three attributes corresponds with the ‘Attitude’, ‘Handsome’ and ‘Rich’ criteria respectively.

Office Bimbo: On the other hand, your so-called ‘personality’ and ‘humor’ are like the stereo and carpeting. Nice to have around, but not really essential or practical in the long run.


I am crossing my fingers that that is not what all women want because I fail badly in all three categories. But when I look at the SLK-Driving Boyfriend, with his perpetually bored expression as he spend hours filing his nails, I wonder if I’ll really be happier if I meet all the criteria. Or maybe he was just showing his ‘attitude’.

I’ve also asked Sushi Eating Friend, who had a history of getting her heart burnt by guys previously, the same question before. Her answer was more straightforward.

“My ideal mate? Simple. Anyone without a dick.”

I can so see myself passing through the pearly gates of heaven as a virgin.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian