The Misadventures of Sibeh Sian

You can call me Sian. Sibeh Sian.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

The long and short about My Dream Girl



The old and wise say life is all about planning. Since I am not one inclined to arguing with the old and wise because they are also often hard of hearing, I spent my weekend planning about how I can better attract someone of the opposite sex to be my future wife.

“Mr Sian, the problem with you is that you don’t even know what you are looking for in the first place!” remarked the sagely Nerd, who sounded wise even though he is also a Never-Been-Kissed like me. “Even when we go shopping for digital cameras, we list down the technical specifications first, so maybe you can try doing the same.”

His words reminded me of what LemonCloud did recently. With Nerd’s advice in mind, I set about listing the ideal attributes of the ideal partner, sans physical ones:


1) Prefers to shop at This Fashion.
Maybe it’s just me, but the clothes from the humble This Fashion looks way similar to those from Zara, Mango, and what not. It thus makes sense to shop from This Fashion because their clothing cost a fraction of those offered at boutiques. Going by this theory, I conclude that girls who shop at This Fashion are wise and far-sighted, and thus very, very attractive.

On a related note, girls who wear Giordano and U2 are wise too, provided their clothes were bought on heavy discounts.


2) Must be stingy thrifty.
If a girl barks at me to turn off the lights when I’m not using them, I’ll be so happy I think I’ll have an orgasm on the spot.

Bonus points if she asks for extra ketchup at KFC so we can bring them home for future enjoyment :)


3) Must not smoke, drink, gamble, go to gigolos.
Being utterly attractive, I reckon Adrenaline must have been attracted to me at one point or the other when we were back in poly. However, she smokes frequently, clubbed almost nightly, and even booked a male stripper before. Twice.

In view of her many vices, I had to subtly reject her advances over the years. *Keeps fingers crossed that Adrenaline won’t be reading this*


4) Love fast food.
Being an avid fast food lover, I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t enjoy deep fried chicken thighs and yummy yum yum French fries. To strengthen the relationship, I will even create our own mini-holiday such as KFC Day and Mos Burger Day, when we will celebrate our love for each other by feasting at the above-mentioned eateries. On a weekly basis.


5) Enjoy the little things in life.
I don’t know about you, but my dream date is to spend the weekend laughing in front of the TV, feeding each other chocolate ice cream and tako balls with lots of mayonnaise. She will also lovingly turn the fan towards me while I use her epilator to pluck off the ugly stubbles on my chin, and everywhere else that needs epilating. Life is so sweet :)


I showed the list to Sushi Eating Friend, whose wardrobe consist mainly of Zara, Mango, and a few Burberries. The only comment she could gave was “Don’t you dare go anywhere near my epilator.”

Sigh. Does the girl of my dream really exist?

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

30 Comments:

  • At Sunday, August 06, 2006 8:21:00 PM, Blogger Sunflower said…

    1) Prefers to shop at This Fashion.

    Clothes in This Fashion is similar to those from Zara, Mango, but the material is lousy. After 2-4 wash, you throw tat away. For upkeep purpose, she has to keep buying

    2) Must be thrifty.

    I tell you huh, your future gf, sure not thrify de!

    3) Must not smoke, drink, gamble, go to gigolos.

    Ya, this one I agree, you been wearing the green hat for 2.5 years of NS, and reservice oso need to wear, so no more green hat for you!

    4) Love fast food.
    You wan a Fatty gf meh?

    5) Enjoy the little things in life.
    wow, so boring.

     
  • At Sunday, August 06, 2006 8:31:00 PM, Blogger dave said…

    hmmm you're pretty simple to please in terms of expectations. how about preferences in the looks department?

     
  • At Sunday, August 06, 2006 8:41:00 PM, Blogger lakeside girl said…

    *looks at blog entry in horror*

    Except for the shopping at this fashion part, i think i fulfill your criteria of the ideal partner!

    I'm not sure if i should feel happy or..disturbed.

    (Hehe)

     
  • At Sunday, August 06, 2006 9:29:00 PM, Blogger blueapple said…

    Woah Mr Sian, are u THAT simple? o.O

    But I like the last point:

    "5) Enjoy the little things in life."

    Many people dont know or they dont reslise it... maybe that's why they are so hard to satisfy.

     
  • At Sunday, August 06, 2006 9:32:00 PM, Blogger miss jurisfiction said…

    I really hope that you are just being my favourite comic, as usual.

    And I thought my expectations are high!

    Then again, you are of a different breed.

    Cannot la!

     
  • At Sunday, August 06, 2006 10:56:00 PM, Blogger Zhe Bin said…

    You know several years ago This Fashion came into the scene and I told my friends how come they never open one That Fashion to save us guys. I still think they should.

    And you know what, I think Adrenaline will definitely read this and she most probably (a very not-so-wild guess) will do very nasty things to you.

    I hope you will be more alert on the streets. I don't want anything to happen to you!

     
  • At Sunday, August 06, 2006 10:58:00 PM, Blogger pj said…

    wow u serious?

    i don't think i know anyone like that...

     
  • At Sunday, August 06, 2006 11:02:00 PM, Blogger Jj said…

    *waves for adrenaline*

     
  • At Sunday, August 06, 2006 11:16:00 PM, Blogger hannah said…

    haha! i think your expecatations are too high...difficult to find sia...try to set something lower..seriously.

     
  • At Sunday, August 06, 2006 11:48:00 PM, Blogger flying paper said…

    Must love the fried chicken skin that's full of oil as well? Mmm, then your future gf must work hard to maintain her weight..ke lian ke lian..haha

    or you dun mind a chubby looking gf? haha..

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 12:35:00 AM, Blogger Ang Gu Gu said…

    lol =) quite high expectation..but i really hope u find her.. well~ never give up..if no exist also nvm..i pui u gu gu tan tan tau lau~ hahah

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 12:59:00 AM, Blogger pari said…

    That's sweet. You're lucky that I just watched that Tong Hua music video so I'm feeling too warm and fuzzy to make a jab. You might wanna add in one more trait though, jovial. Laughter is always overlooked in relationships.

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 1:15:00 AM, Blogger Sibeh Sian said…

    Sunflower: Heh, being the giam siap fella I am, I better be sure that my Significant Other is stingy! Haha....

    Dave: Sounds like a plan. Will blog about my preferences in the looks department soon :)

    Lakeside Girl: *Gasp* Can you be.... The One?!?!? Heh ;)

    BlueApple: I am a simple guy living in a not so simple world. And oh, point no. 5 was the most important of them all :)

    MissJ: Indeed, I am of a different breed. Not a lot of people know this, but I'm actually of mixed blood! Half Hokkien and half Hainanese, just in case you're interested ;)

    Zhe Bin: I have very good news for you! Tis Fashion actually have guy stuff in selected outlets. Try the big ass one near McDonald House.

    PJ: Now you know why I'm still single :(!

    JJ: Oei!

    Hannah: You may be right. Sigh. Maybe I'll remove the This Fashion category :(

    Flying Paper: The fried chicken skin that's full of oil is like the best part of the whole KFC experience :D! It is also a test of love: if she gives me her chicken skin, that means she really loves me :) And oh, I happen to have this thing for girls with chubby cheeks, heh ;)

    AGG: I've been trying for the last 27 years, and wil continue trying! In love, never settle for anything less!

    Pari: OH YES! I forgot to add in the 'must be able to crack lame jokes' criteria :)

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 9:16:00 AM, Blogger Adrenaline said…

    love fast food. So u like Fat Women. I know the right girl for you. Remember BQT fm our attachment days?? She is your perfect match.

    Insult me like this huh? I was gonna post something abt my new job and all that, but wat the fuck. I'm juz gonna tok all abt BQT and why the two of 2 are PERFECT for each other. And of cos, it WILL involve a lot of epilating.

    You will die a horrible, convulsing death juz reading this entry.

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 9:26:00 AM, Blogger lor mai gai said…

    Sian, why would u want to use a girl's epilator to remove ur chin hair? Its so disgusting. U should just get ur own epilator.

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 9:32:00 AM, Blogger lor mai gai said…

    Sian: who is BQT? Is she as hairy as Ah Meng?

    Adrenaline: I would like to read about your blog on BQT and Sian. Please add in pepper, salt and spices.

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 10:41:00 AM, Blogger sÞ¡ηηєє said…

    This Fashion clothes are expensive for its quality. You may try Iora/OAMC for cheaper & better quality. Anyway TF's clothes are really CMI. If anyone wears them, probably they are cardmembers of TF. :P

    Fast food is nice, but overdosage will create heart problem, kidney problem, fatty problem. You sure you'll love the girl the same??? and pay tons of medical fee??

    and you damn mean, why disturb Adrenaline la. You like her si bo? ;)

    in short.. if this is your ideal girl, i think it's easy to pick up such girls. Just look out for fats & sloppish & do-not-have-dress-sense girls la... super a lot in singapore :)

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 10:53:00 AM, Blogger LemonCloud said…

    Hahaha.. Luck with finding The One.

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 1:27:00 PM, Blogger Adrenaline said…

    lor mai gai: im working on it now. Don't worry; i will add in a lot of details as per my imagination.

    spinnee: obviously rite! he's always toking abt me and saying how bad i am lor. but he's in love wif me wat. kaoz ....

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 1:37:00 PM, Blogger Green Ogre said…

    The wise and old also say to look to yourself and not others. Change yourself and not others.

    Easier to argue with the old and wise lah. :)

    And why do I disagree with Nerd? I wouldn't like to be compared to a digital camera. Would you?

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 5:47:00 PM, Blogger tunaflsh loves apple pie... said…

    Oh my..That sounds like some ah-ma/auntie, except de fast food part..Lol.

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 5:54:00 PM, Blogger miss jurisfiction said…

    OH lovely. I have cheeks like Eric Cartman.

     
  • At Monday, August 07, 2006 7:17:00 PM, Blogger Sibeh Sian said…

    Adrenaline: Oh please, if you blog about BQT, Dr PC will be very tramautised again. Heh. But yeah, I agree with the 'lots of epilating' part.

    LMG: Aha! Why buy an epilator when you can borrow one? Haha....

    Spinnee: I swear to love my Significant Other through thick and thin, and take care of her medical expenses also. Heh.

    LemonCloud: I promise I will treat her like a princess when I finally find The One :)

    Green Ogre: Actually, I don't mind, as long as it's a top of the line Canon or something. Heh.

    TLEM: Just between you and me, I have this thing for older women. Heh.

    MissJ: *Drools* :)

     
  • At Tuesday, August 08, 2006 8:21:00 AM, Blogger bochup said…

    Sian, you know why opposites attract? I don't know either... but it always happens. So everything opposite on your list will basically be your future wife.

    Excited?

     
  • At Wednesday, August 09, 2006 12:08:00 AM, Blogger Sibeh Sian said…

    Grace: I'm so excited, I'm feeling doubling sian because the thought of spending the rest of my one with a Gucci-clad spend-thrift sounds so terribly, eh, exciting. Heh.

     
  • At Monday, August 14, 2006 3:22:00 PM, Blogger Ting-a-ling-ling said…

    interesting. haha. didn't expect that u'd prefer ur future girl to shop at this fashion. lotsa pple i noe find that shopping there is cheapskate.

     
  • At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 1:21:00 AM, Blogger Sibeh Sian said…

    TLL: No no, shopping at This Fashion is very, very good :)! Yeah :D!

     
  • At Tuesday, August 07, 2007 2:35:00 PM, Blogger flotiz said…

    omfg..no wonder ur still single after 28 yrs of ur life...even a simple person like me find its hard to imagine wht life's like..dream ger is just a dream..get a grip

     
  • At Thursday, September 06, 2007 1:34:00 AM, Blogger siewkiang said…

    Zomg.
    I am the best choice already la.
    I don't even like shopping.(My mom buys the clothes for me :D)
    I would rather walk from Clementi to Pasir Ris if I could instead of wasting 90cents to take MRT, then bus.
    I hate people who smoke, drink and gamble excessively. And OMG GIGOLOS?
    FAST FOOD IS MUCH LOVED! If only it wasn't so fattening.

    Too bad I'm 14 though. HAHAHA. :)

     
  • At Tuesday, January 15, 2008 12:58:00 AM, Blogger The Horny Bitch said…

    Everyone's waiting for someone.. :(

     

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