The long and short about My Dream Girl

The old and wise say life is all about planning. Since I am not one inclined to arguing with the old and wise because they are also often hard of hearing, I spent my weekend planning about how I can better attract someone of the opposite sex to be my future wife.

“Mr Sian, the problem with you is that you don’t even know what you are looking for in the first place!” remarked the sagely Nerd, who sounded wise even though he is also a Never-Been-Kissed like me. “Even when we go shopping for digital cameras, we list down the technical specifications first, so maybe you can try doing the same.”

His words reminded me of what LemonCloud did recently. With Nerd’s advice in mind, I set about listing the ideal attributes of the ideal partner, sans physical ones:


1) Prefers to shop at This Fashion.
Maybe it’s just me, but the clothes from the humble This Fashion looks way similar to those from Zara, Mango, and what not. It thus makes sense to shop from This Fashion because their clothing cost a fraction of those offered at boutiques. Going by this theory, I conclude that girls who shop at This Fashion are wise and far-sighted, and thus very, very attractive.

On a related note, girls who wear Giordano and U2 are wise too, provided their clothes were bought on heavy discounts.


2) Must be stingy thrifty.
If a girl barks at me to turn off the lights when I’m not using them, I’ll be so happy I think I’ll have an orgasm on the spot.

Bonus points if she asks for extra ketchup at KFC so we can bring them home for future enjoyment :)


3) Must not smoke, drink, gamble, go to gigolos.
Being utterly attractive, I reckon Adrenaline must have been attracted to me at one point or the other when we were back in poly. However, she smokes frequently, clubbed almost nightly, and even booked a male stripper before. Twice.

In view of her many vices, I had to subtly reject her advances over the years. *Keeps fingers crossed that Adrenaline won’t be reading this*


4) Love fast food.
Being an avid fast food lover, I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t enjoy deep fried chicken thighs and yummy yum yum French fries. To strengthen the relationship, I will even create our own mini-holiday such as KFC Day and Mos Burger Day, when we will celebrate our love for each other by feasting at the above-mentioned eateries. On a weekly basis.


5) Enjoy the little things in life.
I don’t know about you, but my dream date is to spend the weekend laughing in front of the TV, feeding each other chocolate ice cream and tako balls with lots of mayonnaise. She will also lovingly turn the fan towards me while I use her epilator to pluck off the ugly stubbles on my chin, and everywhere else that needs epilating. Life is so sweet :)


I showed the list to Sushi Eating Friend, whose wardrobe consist mainly of Zara, Mango, and a few Burberries. The only comment she could gave was “Don’t you dare go anywhere near my epilator.”

Sigh. Does the girl of my dream really exist?

With Love,
Sibeh Sian