The Misadventures of Sibeh Sian

You can call me Sian. Sibeh Sian.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The long and short about The Answers To Very Difficult Questions



I wanted to make it up to Sushi Eating Friend for pissing her off the other day (even though I have absolutely no idea what I did to piss her off) by treating her to a nice and expensive dinner last night. Midway through our plate of char kway teow, she asked me casually what was so nice about my Sexy New Colleague.

And that was when I committed one of the deadliest mistakes a man can make: I answered truthfully.

I’m not trying to advocate dishonesty here, but seriously, I have got my fingers burnt more than once because I have been such an honest kid from young till now. My secondary school math teacher asked who cheated in the mid terms and I pointed at the class ah beng; my poly crush asked me if I think she was fat and I said yes; the auntie at the MRT asked who farted in the cabin and I stupidly raised my hand. In retrospect, it’s amazing that I’ve never been maimed in any way.

But being a Man of Action, I have reflected on my past errors and came up with a list of ready answers for the most difficult and potentially life-threatening questions in life. As I also happen to be a Man Who Share, I shall share my little bits of wisdom with you folks today:


Difficult Question #01: Am I fat?
The answer to this question depends a lot on the gender of the asker. Fortunately, males don’t go around asking people if they find them fat because guys have a very fragile ego, so technically speaking only girls will ask this question. Just in case you are wondering, there is only one correct answer, and that answer is ‘No’. Unfortunately, girls are genetically programmed to try their best to extract a ‘Yes’ from you, and will ask this question many, many times just so that you will answer in the affirmative. But heavens forbid, don’t ever fall into their trap because if you do, you will get into very, very deep trouble, especially if you live near each other. For example, they might burn down the nearby KFC you get your 3-piece meal from.

Difficult Question #02: That girl is very pretty right?
The answer to this question also depends a lot on the gender of the asker. If the asker is male, go ahead and give your honest opinion. If the asker is female, and also happen to be your Significant Other, it’s wiser to play your cards wisely and say ‘no, not very pretty lah.’ If you make the mistake of answering otherwise, you will be in deep trouble because she will starting thinking a) that girl is prettier than me; b) I need more beauty products; c) he don’t love me already; d) I think he is having an affair with her; e) I’m going to snip that bastard’s ku ku bird off. The last line of thought is obviously an exaggeration, but hey, let’s not take chances when your Father’s Day is at stake.

Difficult Question #03: If me and your mum fall into the ocean, who will you rescue huh?
I’m sure you will realize now that the answer to this question also depends a lot on the gender of the asker. If the asker is male, tell him to take up swimming lessons asap. If the asker is female and happens to be your mum, the correct answer is ‘Mum’. If the asker is your Significant Other, then the correct answer is ‘You’. If your mum and your Significant Other happen to ask you the same question at the same time, the correct answer is ‘I need to go to the toilet now’.

Difficult Question #04: Am I fat?
I told you they like to ask this question many, many times.


Despite my wisdom, I failed to give the ‘correct answer’ to Sushi Eating Friend because her question was not among the questions I have listed above, and thus have not formulated a ‘Best Answer’ for. So I told her Sexy New Colleague was nice because she was a very hardworking gal who got all sweaty and disheveled while correcting a screw-up at the office with me on Saturday night. I don’t know what I said wrong but Sushi Eating Friend got so pissed she stormed off without finishing her char kway teow.

I really, really don’t understand women!


With Love,
Sibeh “Lorenzo” Sian

24 Comments:

  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 10:01:00 AM, Blogger Christel said…

    You may want to know that women who love posing such questions are generally insecure about themselves. They ask you these questions for assurance. This on long term can be mentally taxing.

    My male friends are sibeh sian becoz their partners love asking these all the time. =)

     
  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 10:27:00 AM, Blogger tstar said…

    What?! Eh, you weren't correcting a screw-up with SNC! Your boss was!

     
  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 10:49:00 AM, Blogger Sibeh Sian said…

    Christel: Sushi Eating Friend is a very confident lady, but she ask me these kind of questions all the time too leh! I don't understand women :(

    Tstar: What I meant was that I was doing OT and she was also doing OT! Aiyah, but we were all just doing work what :(

     
  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 10:58:00 AM, Blogger old beng said…

    The best answer to woman´s unanswerable "life threatening" question is to keep our gap shut and hope that she will forgot about it.

     
  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 11:57:00 AM, Blogger Esther said…

    You make me laff! Haha!

    O dear...I think it's best to not be so honest about New Colleague to your Sushi Eating Friend anymore? Hehe! ;)

    I'm a woman myself and I don't get some women either. :P

     
  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 12:27:00 PM, Blogger Green Ogre said…

    I personally try for "Oh look! That's interesting..." And then quickly change the topic.

     
  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 1:22:00 PM, Blogger tstar said…

    green ogre's suggestion is very smart. Unless of course the lady is very smart as well. =)

    Maybe you want to tell SEF that next time you want to correct a screw-up with her too and hopes that she likes sports because she is going to get very sweaty (and of course pray that she does get very sweaty seated in front of the computer).

     
  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 1:42:00 PM, Blogger FF said…

    Some of us girls have selective hearing, so probably all she heard was ... sexy new colleague.. sweaty...disheveled... screw..me.

     
  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 2:41:00 PM, Blogger lakeside girl said…

    SS, it's time to consult your Ten Years Series (aka fellow female homosapien) to come up with model answers for these questions.

    The BESTEST answer to the Fat Question is always:
    "Dear you are gorgeous and i'll smack whoever that says you are fat."

    Women can smell hesitation from a mile away and therefore, DON'T HESITATE. Just hug her from behind ala korean movie style and it will silence her.

    Difficult Qn #2:
    "Which girl? What GIRL? Sorry,i have eyes only for you." (Hug her from behind)

    Difficult Qn #3:
    Tell her that you can't swim.

     
  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 3:50:00 PM, Blogger Coconutger85 said…

    Orh hor hor!

     
  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 4:50:00 PM, Blogger Christel said…

    Right, then if you can handle SEF, you can conquer other ladies liao! Press on!

     
  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 6:09:00 PM, Blogger Adrenaline said…

    I think your answers are not elaborated enough lah. i will post more on my blog.

    oh, u shd juz tell SEF that no matter how fantastic SNC is, SEF is still the most chio one to you.

    that would do the trick.

     
  • At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 9:28:00 PM, Blogger kangaroo said…

    i hope SEF don't get anymore of your wrong answers. =)

     
  • At Thursday, February 01, 2007 1:20:00 AM, Blogger Jj said…

    you jia lat lah you.

     
  • At Thursday, February 01, 2007 6:08:00 AM, Blogger imnothere said…

    are you tring to win the Darwin's Award by exposing yourself in situations which will remove yourself from the genepool? ~_~

     
  • At Thursday, February 01, 2007 7:43:00 AM, Blogger imnothere said…

    hey SBS, you forgot to add SNC (sexy new colleague) in "People In My Life" section, put a (fake) picture to her name so that we at least have a picture to a face.

     
  • At Thursday, February 01, 2007 8:58:00 AM, Blogger imnothere said…

    http://img2.freeimagehosting.net/image.php?18eaedcdc3.jpg

    my contribution for SNC's picture

     
  • At Thursday, February 01, 2007 10:11:00 AM, Blogger Sunflower said…

    Sian, this post make you very loso. (Or probably you think too much!!!)

    Next time, just listen to uncle Beng, just SHUT UP

     
  • At Thursday, February 01, 2007 12:31:00 PM, Blogger Cindy said…

    Who says the last answer to Difficult Question #02 is an exaggeration?

    Also, Difficult Question #02 is generally asked when the girl has already noticed the guy staring at some other girl and is going to give the guy hell regardless of the answer he gives her.

    Anyway, I have found that the best way to deal with guys with wandering eyes is:

    1) Pretend not to notice. No point getting all sad / pissed off / hysterical over some loser who doesn't recognise he's not going to get any girl better than me.

    2) Ogle other cuties, especially when I'm with the loser with the wandering eyes. If he protests, smile sweetly and say "Huh? What other guy?"

    3) Start dating other men. No point wasting time on a loser who doesn't appreciate me.

    There's nothing sweeter than revenge.

     
  • At Thursday, February 01, 2007 3:42:00 PM, Blogger bochup said…

    I like adrenaline's elaboration of your post. You must learn to be more specific otherwise people will really think your answers are perfect. Adrenaline got point system some more.

    Sometimes I like to ask these questions just to see my significant other squirm. He's getting quite good at it (giving the higher point reactions) unfortunately.

     
  • At Thursday, February 01, 2007 3:57:00 PM, Blogger Ignorant one said…

    Advice for you, Lorenzo!

    Never measure the honesty value of your answers. Measure the level of danger value to you, physically, mentally or emotionally.

    You get bad karma if you lie but if you say the wrong answer, you might have no father's day!

    Beware!

     
  • At Thursday, February 01, 2007 4:42:00 PM, Blogger p-case-tales of a coward said…

    i think SEF likes u, i am probably a sick guy, does she interpret "screw" as f***k? and that's why she actually gets upset rather than angry? Sibeh Sian u like SEF? must tell her soon okay?

     
  • At Friday, February 02, 2007 9:48:00 AM, Blogger Sibeh Sian said…

    Old Beng: cannot cannot! A woman never forgets! Heh.

    Esther: Exactly, but I am such an honest boy! Sigh....

    Green Ogre: I tried before, but it only worked once and that because I sighted a big sale at Isetan. Heh.

    Tstar: I have this strong suspicion I'll get slapped instead :(

    FF: I have selective reading so I only read the last two words of your comment. You naughty girl you :D!

    Lakeside Girl: Very, very nice. May I know where can I purchase the said Ten-Year Series so that I can ace in other related subjects too?

    Coconutger85: I sibeh sian you still so happy! Haha....

    Christel: I can never handle Sushi Eating Friend! She was born to counter my stupidity :(

     
  • At Friday, February 02, 2007 9:48:00 AM, Blogger Sibeh Sian said…

    Adrenaline: Aiyah, I'm not the type to sweet-talk one what :P

    Kangaroo: I hope so too. I'm a bit scared :(

    JJ: I sibeh, sibeh jialat :(

    Imnothere: Haha, a bit lazy and a bit busy to add picture now, maybe next time. And where you find such pictures one, aiyoh!

    Sunflower: Cannot lah, my mouth got hole one :)

    Cindy: But I'm a good boy! Must be faithful one, haha :)....

    Grace: You see lah! You girls are so evil sia.

    Ignorant One: Very true. For the sake of Fathers' Day, I sahll try to compromise on truth next time :)

    PCTOAC: No la, she dun like me lah, maybe she just didn't like char kway teow :)

     

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