The long and short about Messages From Loved Ones

Day 6 that I’ve not shitted. I’m swearing off the yucky prune juice.

I have this nasty feeling that I’ll implode and appear on the front page of the Straits Times for a very lousy reason. As such, I’ve contacted all my loved, and some not very loved ones and told them about my possible demise.


My Mum: It was a bad mistake telling her her precious only son is dying, because she prepared some really yucky Chinese medicine that I must finish by tonight.

Sushi Eating Friend: I appealed to her for help with my dying wish of losing my virginity, but all she said was a very cryptic “Ha ha ha” before hanging up.

Nerd: I could have sworn he was crying over the phone when I told him the heartbreaking news. But he hanged up too when I asked if I could borrow his parallel imported PS3 for my remaining days.

Adrenaline: I’ve decided not to disturb her because she’s pregnant.

Office Bimbo: She was surprisingly kind, and offered to get some pineapple slices for me. Maybe she’s feeling guilty about not paying me the cab fare last time.

My Boss: Even though I was very serious, he just went “Hahaha you go hong gan lah you!”

Ms Tan: I asked her if I can take compassionate leave for myself. She cruelly replied no, and said I will work for her till I die. I hope she’s not serious.


Alas, it appears that there are not many kind people around me. Or perhaps I only have myself to blame for my predicament, for after a moment of weakness last night, I now have ten pieces of KFC in my stomach.

With Love,
Sibeh "Lorenzo" Sian