The long and short about Bodily Hair

This entry is inspired by Lambchop. The poor thing, in addition to suffering from lupus, is now experiencing bodily hair growth in all the wrong places. Hey, that rhymed.



When I was in my teens, my sister loved to read those romance novels with very graphical, eh, graphics on the cover. Guiding purely from the glossy paperbacks, I was impressed upon two universal truths about romance novels: the char bors are always blossomy, while the hunks are always hairy.




Not only do I have hairy arms, but I got bigger neh neh than you too


So I reckoned that if I were to get the babes, I must first be hairy. Which is a big problem for me because I’m about as hairy as a baby’s ass. (Just in case you are wondering, I have a lot of hair on the top of my head. And it will stay that way. Ahem.)

“Your problem, very easy to solve!” so claimed an uncle of mine when I visited his place during CNY circa 1993. “All you need to do is just rub some alcohol on yourself, then can liao.” He then proceeded to pass me a can of Tiger. I had to convince my mum that I was not going to turn into an alcoholic.

So that night, in the comfort of my bathroom, I rubbed the thing over my scrawny chest, my arms, and my sideburns. It felt tingling at first. Then it felt hot. Then it started to burn. I had to convince my mum that I was not wanking even though I went Ooh! Ahh! Ahh! the whole time.

I have absolutely no idea how I managed to repeat that ordeal for a week. I would have continued if not for the fact that I ran out of Tiger: I was that determined to get hairy. Unfortunately, there was no sign of any follicle development at all. I also rejected my uncle’s kind counteroffer of XO.

Anyway, the saddest thing out of this episode is that I have very long hair on my nipples ever since. Very long. Around 5cm at least. I kid you not. I would have posted the pictures here, but I really do not want to spoil your appetite.

Maybe it's high time I start investing in an epilator. I wanted to borrow from Sushi Eating Friend, but she screeched ‘NO WAY!’.

I wonder why :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian