The Misadventures of Sibeh Sian

You can call me Sian. Sibeh Sian.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

The long and short about Bodily Hair



This entry is inspired by Lambchop. The poor thing, in addition to suffering from lupus, is now experiencing bodily hair growth in all the wrong places. Hey, that rhymed.



When I was in my teens, my sister loved to read those romance novels with very graphical, eh, graphics on the cover. Guiding purely from the glossy paperbacks, I was impressed upon two universal truths about romance novels: the char bors are always blossomy, while the hunks are always hairy.



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Not only do I have hairy arms, but I got bigger neh neh than you too


So I reckoned that if I were to get the babes, I must first be hairy. Which is a big problem for me because I’m about as hairy as a baby’s ass. (Just in case you are wondering, I have a lot of hair on the top of my head. And it will stay that way. Ahem.)

“Your problem, very easy to solve!” so claimed an uncle of mine when I visited his place during CNY circa 1993. “All you need to do is just rub some alcohol on yourself, then can liao.” He then proceeded to pass me a can of Tiger. I had to convince my mum that I was not going to turn into an alcoholic.

So that night, in the comfort of my bathroom, I rubbed the thing over my scrawny chest, my arms, and my sideburns. It felt tingling at first. Then it felt hot. Then it started to burn. I had to convince my mum that I was not wanking even though I went Ooh! Ahh! Ahh! the whole time.

I have absolutely no idea how I managed to repeat that ordeal for a week. I would have continued if not for the fact that I ran out of Tiger: I was that determined to get hairy. Unfortunately, there was no sign of any follicle development at all. I also rejected my uncle’s kind counteroffer of XO.

Anyway, the saddest thing out of this episode is that I have very long hair on my nipples ever since. Very long. Around 5cm at least. I kid you not. I would have posted the pictures here, but I really do not want to spoil your appetite.

Maybe it's high time I start investing in an epilator. I wanted to borrow from Sushi Eating Friend, but she screeched ‘NO WAY!’.

I wonder why :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

11 Comments:

  • At Thursday, May 18, 2006 3:38:00 PM, Blogger OLLie said…

    You can try plucking?

    But I bet your nipple would be damn painful. hahahahaha..

    Hmm. Or you can try shaving it off. Be careful hor. Later you shave the wrong thing off. =D

     
  • At Thursday, May 18, 2006 4:36:00 PM, Blogger Adrenaline said…

    You should wax it off. After waxing, even when the hair grows again, it will be thinner.

    Bear in mind no matter what method u choose, it will be sibeh painful.

     
  • At Thursday, May 18, 2006 5:42:00 PM, Blogger lambchop said…

    oh my godddddd!!! -_-"

    pls don't think i am some hairy monster, cos i remove the hairs religiously!!

    am so glad i found your blog... love your writing ;)

     
  • At Thursday, May 18, 2006 7:25:00 PM, Blogger Green Ogre said…

    How about visiting that Hair Growth Centre that Huang Wenyong and Chen Shucheng are endorsing? If it works for them there's no harm giving it a shot.

    And I'd pluck away all that nipple hair if I were you. I exterminate any hair growth on the auroelas on sight. It's kinda disturbing that you even let it grow to 5 cm and then measure it.

    No wonder you're sibeh sian. Grins.

     
  • At Thursday, May 18, 2006 9:11:00 PM, Blogger Sibeh Sian said…

    Ollie: I tried plucking before. It's not as painful as you guys think. But it grows right back in a matter of weeks.

    Adrenaline: Ok, I'll go get some candles.

    Hairy Monster: Don't be silly! I don't think you are hairy at all!

    Green Ogre: I just measured it again. The longest one is around 5.5cm. Heh.

     
  • At Thursday, May 18, 2006 10:59:00 PM, Blogger Xia_mi_mi said…

    Aiyo, so long? Come lei, take a pic of it. Muz be very sexy de. Maybe after u post this pic up you will be approached to be on the front cover of GRAPHIC novels lei. How tt sounds? =)

     
  • At Friday, May 19, 2006 8:54:00 AM, Blogger Zhe Bin said…

    LoL. I also have lah. Initially I plucked it (cos got one strand nia) off, thinking that once I do so it won't grow back. But the horrors! So, now I just shave it off, since it will never leave me in this lifetime. At least I don't feel pain shaving it. = D

    Don't use epilator lah wah lao. Looks so foreign and scary.

     
  • At Friday, May 19, 2006 9:57:00 AM, Blogger Ang Ku Kueh said…

    pluck lah! do it! do it!!! with before and after pics!!!

    and hor, even if painful, only momentarily.

    i swear.

     
  • At Friday, May 19, 2006 11:02:00 AM, Blogger Sibeh Sian said…

    Lixia: Sure can appear on novels or not? Haha....

    Zhe Bin: *Tears* Finally! Someone with the same disease as me. I read the Philips epilator got don't know what ice function, supposed to be not painful when you use it leh. WIll also stop hair growth for 4 weeks!

    AKK: Actually you just want to see my neh neh right? You sicko, heh.

     
  • At Friday, May 19, 2006 3:25:00 PM, Blogger Little Miss Drinkalot said…

    A lot of pipple want to see your nipple.

     
  • At Friday, June 23, 2006 12:10:00 PM, Blogger bochup said…

    LOL I finally read all the posts since March today and am laughing so much that my hubs who's happily ignoring me by playing his xbox 360, felt compelled to ask me what I was reading/watching.

    Anyhoo... I remember those books and I lurrrved reading them cos they were really more like soft porn. But I stopped reading when I was around 18 I think... cos they were just encouraging knight-in-shining-armor illusions. =D

     

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