The long and short about My Christmas Gift

I can't believe this. Ms Tan got me a sucky Teletubbies photo frame for the gift exchange :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Christmas Party

You know you have no life when you find yourself slaving away in the office at 11:04 pm. If there’s a Santa Claus out there, I would like to have a Baked Ms Tan with Honeyed Ham for dinner this year, thank you.

. . . .

A very early Merry Christmas to everyone :D!

I don’t know about you, but I am looking forward to Christmas because I will get to sleep till very, very late on Monday. I will also be getting off work early tomorrow because the company is having a Christmas party in the evening. At Hooters. Heh.

Being a very innovative and original firm, we will be doing a gift exchange at the party, just like what everybody else is doing. Come to think of it, I was given the unfortunate task of getting a gift for Ms Tan last year after drawing lots. After much thinking and careful consideration, I got her a Teletubbies photo frame. I have no idea why she was pissed. Sigh. Women can be so hard to please.

I don’t know if this is fate, but I drew the lucky lot to get her a gift again this year. I hope she likes Barney :)


With Love,
Sibeh Lorenzo Sian

The long and short about One Mystery Of Life, Solved

Over dinner at McDonald’s.

Me: Why do you always look pissed when you are having your period?

Sushi Eating Friend: (ponders for a while)

Sushi Eating Friend: Try walking around for a day with ketchup in your underwear.


With Love,
Sibeh ‘Lorenzo’ Sian

The long and short about Adrenaline’s Wedding Part II

It’s official: Adrenaline is married!

The wedding invitation read 7:30pm, but I only made it at 8:30pm because I went shopping for a new MP3 player at Sim Lim of work and other pressing commitments. Fortunately, the bride was even later than me so I didn’t miss the wedding march. In fact, the very tall and very hamsen Mr Adrenaline was still at the reception area, and since he was smiling broadly from ear to ear I reckoned it was safe to pass him my ang pow. Heh.

Although I had more than my fair share of bickering with Adrenaline, I got quite emotional when the lights dimmed and the speakers started airing the Wedding March. For goodness’ sake, this is the girl who tortured me for years at the poly, who tried to un-nerdify me by bringing me to Zouk, and who once burned the back of my hand with the other end of a cigarette butt. Has it really been 10 years?

When she finally made her way down the aisle with Mr Adrenaline, I almost cried because I noticed she actually managed to lose weight. Miracles do happen indeed :)

To Adrenaline: this is the ‘behind the scenes’ stuff you missed at Table 3:

1) At the risk of me sounding gay, this is the SMS I sent but which you failed to receive: “Yang is giving me a blowjob in his car so I think we will be slightly late. Haha”.

2) I toyed with the idea of tripping you when you were walking down the aisle, but refrained from doing so because I’m such a nice friend :)

3) I tried to convince Green Ogre to sabo you on stage when he was emceeing, but he refrained from doing so because he was such a nice friend too.

4) The two glasses of Martell were Linx’s idea. Serious.

5) That lame ‘peel prawn’ thingy was Yang’s idea. Serious too.

6) You looked damn fierce when you chased me around after I offered you that packet of red Watson’s tissue. Heh.

7) You looked even fiercer when you were sitting around half-dead in your bridal suite with that cigarette in your hand.

8) Chee Heng wants to bring you on a dirty getaway to Ipoh for four days and three nights. I’m not kidding! You must be very, very disturbed now.

9) I have no idea why you made your sister take the wedding pictures with Mr Adrenaline in your wedding photo album, but she looks damn good :)

10) Last but definitely not least, I wish you a life of matrimonial bliss filled with happiness, laughter, and many, many babies (hopefully not accidentally). Heh ;)


I really should be making my way home now!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Adrenaline’s Wedding

My good friend of 10 years, Adrenaline, is getting married tomorrow.

From her recent post, I reckoned she is not very enthusiastic about the wedding. In fact, I think she is probably the most unwilling bride I know. Sigh. Girl, if you are reading this, I have this piece of advice to you: you must accept the fact that I am not the groom!

Seriously though, I am very worried that she will carry out a ‘runaway bride’ thingy tomorrow. Actually, it sounds kind of exciting and romantic, but nay, that is not a very good idea. Besides, Adrenaline is not very good at running (she took almost 4 hours for the 21km half marathon), and it will be very embarrassing if she gets caught and dragged back to the wedding aisle.

I am also very worried that she will runaway after I gave my ang pow, which will be, very, very bad.

Apprehensions aside, I am looking forward to the wedding tomorrow. They say girls look their prettiest on their wedding, and I do hope this miracle, however unlikely, will happen to Adrenaline. Besides, our entire poly gang will be there, and it will be very fun making jokes at the expense of the wedding girl. Heh.

Anyway, I think it’s rather mean of me not to have said anything nice and mushy and itchy-yucky to her on the day before her wedding, so here it is:

Dearest Ah Sai,

Oei, I know you are not 100% sure about getting hitched, and I’m in no position to comment because this is your future happiness that we are talking about here.

But from what I have observed during our gatherings and at your dad’s passing, T**** is like one of the nicest guys around, and it’s obvious that he cares a great deal for you even though he is not exactly the expressive type. Besides, he is very tall compared to your very lack of tall, so you guys will probably make good-looking babies :)

Please try your best to make us get emo and teary-eyed when you walk down the aisle with a dazzling smile tomorrow. You know we will be cheering for you :)

With Love,
Sibeh ‘Lorenzo’ Sian

P.S. By the way, I think I shall play it safe and give you your ang pow after your honeymoon. Being the gracious person you are, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind :)

P.P.S. I can’t believe I wasted my lunch break to type this!

The long and short about Chia Xin Lian

I like my new name very much. When I answer the phone nowadays, I’ll go “Hello! This is Lorenzo!”, which rhymes and makes me smile. I really should be in customer service.

Anyway, I bear sad news today. The Chinese cooked food stall at the canteen has been forced to close after failing a hygiene inspection. I am very sad because I’ve been faithful customer to the stall since I joined the company. I even went on a hunger strike to protest against the closure, but gave up after a few minutes because I was getting really hungry. Sigh.

To commemorate my beloved Chinese Cooked Food Auntie, I have penned another poem for her:


In Memory of Chia Xin Lian

Oh Chia Xin Lian oh Ah Lian! Auntie from Canteen Two.
My tears swell like wantons, when I think of your yong tau foo.
Sweet and sour pork, kang kong with mushroom.
Your chicken wings were fried, and now you are fired too.

-Sibeh Sian
Winter, 2006

Please excuse me while I go grab a piece of tissue.

With Love,
Sibeh ‘Lorenzo’ Sian

P.S. Updated my poems link le.

The long and short about The Man Of Change

Ms Tan is seriously not happy with me.

First, I took an MC on Monday because my body was aching too much after the marathon. Then I infuriated her further upon my return when she caught me surfing blogs with the office PC.

Sigh.

Even though I have surmounted the challenge of completing the marathon, I am not really very happy recently. Being a Man of Action, I’ve thought it through and pinpointed the source of my misery to a number of reasons. I am trapped in a loveless relationship with my work, but can’t quit because my boss won’t pay me alimony. I get no respect from my co-workers, and my direct superior treats me like a maggot. I have no real assets to speak of even though I am hitting 30, and I’m a long-expired virgin who is sexually frustrated now because I lost 4 years’ worth of artistic films in an unfortunate computer crash.

Sigh.

I was pouring my woes to Sushi Eating Friend while lunching after the marathon. Besides her usual ‘Stop whining’ and ‘Get a life’, she offered a more practical advice this time: I need changes in my life. And she left it at that. I’m left pondering at her cryptic words, but it sounds rather wise and potentially useful. I’ve thus came up with a list of changes I will work on:


1) I will change my hairstyle
Sushi Eating Friend commented that I have had the same hairstyle since day one of uni till now. That is not true. My hair is sometimes short and sometimes long, depending on when was the last time I went to the barber’s.

2) I will change my diet
KFC may be the love of my life, but deep fried chicken with too much oil is not really good for my body in the long run. I’ve thus decided to switch to McDonald’s.

3) I will change my name
Obviously, this is the most drastic change of them all. In case you haven’t noticed, ‘Sibeh’ is not my real name; I am actually known as William in the real world. It served as a fine name until William Hung came along. Damn. Anyway, I wanted a more refined and elegant name that will speak volumes of my transformation, so I am Lorenzo Sian since Monday. My colleagues all laughed when I informed them of this change. I think they like it :)


Take notice world! I am a changed man!

With Love,
Sibeh ‘Lorenzo’ Sian

The long and short about The Very Long Run

4 Dec ’05: Completed my first marathon. Told myself I will never subject myself to such torture again.

Aug ’06: Signed up for my second marathon.

Early Dec ’06: Toyed with the idea of giving up because of the severe lack of training, but the thought of the free t-shirt and cheerleaders in skimpy outfits convinced me otherwise.

3 Dec ’06, 4:30am: Received SMS from Sushi Eating Friend that went “Please don’t oversleep.”. I’m very grateful because otherwise, I could have ended up like Adrenaline, who was half an hour late for her 21km. Heh.

5:30am: Reached Esplanade. Realized the free t-shirt is not really free after I spent a whopping $26 on cab fare. Walau.

6:00am: And the race is on! Instead of thinking about the glorious run and the glorious Sweet Young Things in sport bras around me, my thoughts were occupied by the urgent need to pee.

6:15am: Peed along some bushes at Marina South in full view of a few thousand other runners.

6:20am: The Kenyans were exiting the 11km mark while I was just entering my 4km. Walau.

7:00am: Bumped into Adrenaline and Zhe Bin, who was at the other side of the race.

7:15am: Felt something wet, slimy, and birdshitty hit my hand. I think bumping into Adrenaline is suay.

7:30am: Blisters started forming at the inner sides of my feet.

8:00am: Cramp at the right thigh.

9:00am: Cramp at the left thigh.

9:30am: Started to rain. Adrenaline is indeed suay.

10:00am: Passed the turning point at East Coast, which meant I’ve ran for a freaking 28km already. I thought it might be a good idea to pat myself at the back and catch a cab back home, but the thought of blowing more money on taxi puts me off.

11:00am: Finally, finally exited the very torturous ECP. Called Sushi Eating Friend that she can make her way down already.

11:30am: Hit 37km. My legs are spent at this point of time, and as much as I wanted to, I simply couldn’t accelerate anymore. I proceeded to limp very, very slowly.

11:40am: Hit 38km. Realized I spent 10 minutes on a single kilometer, a distance I should have covered in half that time.

11:50am: Hit 39km. Last 3km! I can do it!

12:00pm: Hit 40km. My legs say they can’t!

12:10pm: Hit 41km. Received SMS from Sushi Eating Friend. She said I better hurry up because she was getting hungry. Walau.

12:24pm: The final stretch. The finishing line was in sight, and I forced my very unwilling legs to dash through the end. I looked out for Sushi Eating Friend, and waved like mad when I saw her standing at the spot where she said she will be standing. She waved madly back too. I passed the finishing line with a smile :)


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Reason For Running The Marathon

Updated!


As you can guess, my computer is still dead, so I am sibeh, sibeh sian. I am writing this entry at the risk of losing my job because Ms Tan just warned the entire office recently that anyone caught doing anything other than work in the office will be severely ‘disciplined’. Oh well.

Anyway, I am so very, very dead. The marathon is coming in less than two days’ time, and I am woefully unprepared. The reasons for my woeful unpreparedness are as follows:


1) I was unable to train because of the damn haze.

2) I was unable to train after the damn haze was over because it has been raining quite frequently.

3) It feels damn good to sleep when it’s raining.


When I started my training a few months earlier, I told myself I will beat my previous timing of 5:52:38. Now, I will be thankful if I can just complete the damn thing. To be frank, I was feeling more than half-hearted already, but went down on Saturday to collect my race entry pack anyway.

Adidas is doing this promotion where runners are encouraged to state their reasons for running. Here are some of the more inspiring ones I saw:


I Am Joining The Marathon Because:

- I am getting fat

- I want to get a free Adidas shirt

- I get to drink unlimited 100 Plus

- I can get a free massage at the end of the run

- I have nothing better to do


Sushi Eating Friend, who was with me at the fair, wisely remarked that my reason must be because I want to eat more KFC. She may be a very clever girl, but she is wrong this time because this is what I wrote when I got home that day:





I am going to clip the message to the back of my shirt this Sunday. I wonder if she will notice.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian


Update:

Just got the news via Finicky Feline: Scarlett Ting has officially been promoted to a proud mother of one. I think I am chicken wuss because a 42.195km run is nothing compared to bearing a bundle of love for ten months and then braving the delivery room.

So to all mothers and would-be-mothers, I dedicate my marathon to all of you :)