The long and short about You Guys Have A Very Dirty Mind

Hello boys and girls :D!

Yes, I am finally back in home sweet home. I have also got my computer repaired at Sim Lim, and my heart is aching now because not only did it cost me a whopping $30 for the repair fee, I also had to fork out an additional $120 for the power supply. I am going to survive on maggi mee for the next few days.

I am very sad to say that most of you have a very, very dirty mind. For goodness’ sake, I was only playing PS2 with Nerd for the past few days, and did nothing kinky whatsoever. He also have a girlfriend already, please.

More details on that holiday trip later. I really need some quality rest now because although I had a great time with Nerd, I didn’t have much sleep and my backside feels really sore now.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Local Leave

Hi all :)!

I have good and bad news for everyone today! The good news is that I am on leave. The bad news is that my computer crashed. Which means I cannot blog. I am typing this at the comfort of Nerd's room, but I must be fast because even he doesn't know of this blog. Heh.

Ok, time for PS2.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Love Blossoms In Times Of Adversity II

The wise say love shows in times of adversity, and I think the wise is right.

After my outpouring of grief the other day, Adrenaline showed her true feelings by ditching aside her usual sarcasm and offered to treat me to prata. She then followed up by professing her love for me in a blog entry , and is currently soliciting for my birthday gifts.

Sigh. Love makes people do the silliest of things!

To Adrenaline, if you happen to read this: I am still in a state of shock following Office Bimbo’s letter the other day, and I just can’t handle another crush right now. As such, I have to gently reject your feelings. It is going to be hard, but I’m sure you will find a better man. In fact, I think you’ve already did, because I’m attending your wedding at the end of the year, haha :)

Jokes aside, please don’t be fooled by Adrenaline’s show of concern. Just between you and me, she has never gave me anything I requested for in my birthday. I remember asking for a Playstation on my 21st birthday, but I ended up with, get this, a pack of underwear from her instead.

Adrenaline, the following picture was created just for you:





I have no idea why I am still friends with Adrenaline.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Today Close Shop

The office has been abuzz with news about the military coup in Thailand ever since the morning.

I’m not sure if there are any, but if you are Thai or have relatives or loved ones there, I pray for you that things will revert to normalcy soon.

And with that, Sibeh Sian declares today close shop.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. In case you are wondering how things are going between me and Office Bimbo, I’m glad to report here that she has taken leave for the rest of the week since yesterday. I think she’s on a shopping trip to Bangkok or something.

The long and short about The Love Letter

Hi all :(

As some of you have correctly pointed out, I am feeling sad over the letter . Even though I have no romantic feelings towards Office Bimbo, I was genuinely thrilled at the thought of someone having a crush on me. This is because it was always the other way round all my life. I thought there was finally someone who can see beyond my fugly façade.


:(

I am feeling so bad, I might as well let it all out and tell you guys about a very shameful thing I did when I was a teenager.

It was my second year in secondary school, and as with any normal hormone-raging teen, everyone was falling in and out of crushes like nobody’s business. Some of my classmates were quite hunky, and it was common for them to receive cards from their many female (and a few male) admirers on their birthdays. They will then show the cards to everyone to yaya-papaya.

I had no such luck. In fact, a few classmates even wrote stuff like “Sibeh Sian is sibeh sissy” in my year book when I passed it around. Yes, I was not a very happy kid in secondary school.

So anyway, I have no idea why, but I desperately wished that someone will send me a birthday card that year. Maybe it was because I wanted to yaya-papaya too. But I know the chance of me actually getting a card is next to zero.

So I decided to write one to myself.

Here’s the letter reproduced in its (near) entirety:


“Dearest Sibeh Sian,

Happy birthday :)!

I hesitated for a long, long time before I finally found the courage to send this to you. You may not know who I am, but I always look at you when you think I was not looking at you. I found myself thinking about you a lot even when I am at home and when I sleep. I think you are a very good boy. I think I like you.

Happy birthday :)!

With Love,
Secret Admirer”


Yes, I was shamelessly desperate, because I desperately wanted to feel wanted. So I placed the letter in a pink envelope (this must be retribution), and sent it a few days before my birthday. I was so happy when I received the letter in the letter box, and happily brought it to school to show off to my friends.

Everything would have gone according to plan if not for the fact they recognized the handwriting as mine.

There is no cure for stupidity :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P. S. When my mum reached home last night, she bought some traditional Chinese herbal tea for me. She said now that I have a girlfriend, I must have more energy. I was so ashamed I locked myself up in my room and cried.

The long and short about I Don’t Understand Women Part II

I really, really don’t understand women.

I found a letter on my desk when I reached the office this morning.

It was in a pink envelope.

It came from Office Bimbo.

And it was addressed to me.

Although I must state here that I don’t have any feelings for Office Bimbo at all, I was nonetheless terribly excited at receiving a love letter, because that was something that has never happened before in my life. So I raced to the office loo where I locked myself in a nice cubicle, pulled down my pants, and started reading.

Here’s the letter reproduced in its entirety:


“Sibeh Sian,

I know this is going to hurt, so I will try to say this as gently as possible:

I may have been dumped, but I am not desperate.

I think it was very courageous of you to confess your love and admiration for me in your recent blog entries. I understand perfectly well because after all, I am a very attractive, eligible, and recently single bachelorette. There is no need for you to feel ashamed because there have been many, many others before you.

However, please understand that being a lady of high standards, it is perfectly understandable that I look for men with high standards too. To start things off, I shouldn’t be able to see the top of his hair when I wear heels. Oh, by the way, I’m glad to inform you that you are not balding.

This is going to be hard, but please forget me. But if you really can’t do it, try to emulate the qualities of the ideal man I told you about some time back. Even you can be given a chance if you are hardworking and own a Jaguar one day :)

Sincerely,
Office Bimbo

P.S. I hope you will stop stalking me after this letter. It was quite unnerving to see you leering at me with your mouth full of ketchup-dipped fries at McDonald’s.”


I really, really don’t understand women. Why must she send this kind of letter in a pink envelope?!?!??!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Poems

Updated!



Due to popular request by me, myself and Iamme, I have decided to put a permanent link to my collection of poems. You can now click on the link on the navigational menu to the right of this entry, creatively titled ‘My Poems’, for full access to my body (not the physical one, you pervert) of works.

I would advise you to read those thought-provoking literatures when you are in a thought-provoking kind of mood. This is because the poems are very thought provoking. Without further ado, here are my babies in non chronological and non reverse chronological order:


The Yearning Bird

The Colors of You

An Ode for Lin Jun Jie

The Broken Heart

The Chinese Cooked Food Auntie

In Memory of Chia Xin Lian

New!

The Mosquito


I promise you more poetry in the future. Maybe I should make a career out of this :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Love Makes People Do The Silliest Things

I think Office Bimbo is really in love with me.

The following are the places I bumped into her, or rather she bumping (probably deliberately) into me today:


1) The lift.

2) The office pantry.

3) The photocopier machine.

4) Outside the female loo.

5) The Chinese cooked food stall.

6) The office pantry (this time after lunch).

7) The office supply storeroom.

8) The Toa Payoh McDonald’s, where I was having dinner.


I am really worried that she is stalking me because for goodness’ sake, there are like three McDonald’s outlets in Toa Payoh Central, and she have to choose the one that I was dining at. The worse thing is that she tried to act surprised and even ran away, even though she know and I know and she know that I know that she is deliberately bumping into me.

Sigh. Love makes people do the silliest of things.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I told my mum that a colleague is going after me. She replied with a happy, “But of course! My son is such a handsome boy!”

I love my mum. She is such an honest person :)

The long and short about I Don’t Understand Women

Updated!


I really, really don’t understand women.

I thought I can cheer Office Bimbo up with that entry, but she rudely went up the lift this morning without me, even though she saw me making a 100 meter dash for it.

I have thought of all the possible reasons for her recent antisocial behavior, and concluded that Green Ogre is probably right: I think Office Bimbo is secretly in love with me. I base this conclusion on the following three facts about girls I read a long time ago in a teenage magazine:


1) Girls always feel paiseh and try to avoid the guys they like
Not only did she avoided me in the office, she pretended not to see me in Jurong Point yesterday too.

2) Girls like to blow hot and cold with the guys they like
She used to be very chatty with me in the office (ie the ‘hot’ treatment’), but she avoids me like plague nowadays (ie the ‘cold’ treatment).

3) Girls will give guys they like a very strong reason to call
That must be the reason why she refused to pay me back the cab fare!


Although I am flattered by the attention, I am troubled at the same time because Office Bimbo is really not my cup of tea. She shops too much, talk too much, and have too much make-up on. As if the above are not bad enough, she has no idea how to play Chinese Chess and hates KFC. I can't imagine myself having sex with someone like that :(

I am now very worried that she might not be able to bear it one day and profess her love to me in the office. I feel kind of bad because she just had a heart break. Please advise me on how to reject her gently!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian


Update:

After hearing the wonderful advices you guys gave (do keep them coming!), I’ve decided to follow Sunflower’s advice, that is to hint her subtly in my other blog.

I hope Office Bimbo will get the hint. It feels so bad to be cruel!

The long and short about I Am Such A Nice Guy

That Nerd is too much.

He has only been attached for a few days, but he has exhibited a high level of antisocial behavior already. We were supposed to meet for dinner, but he cancelled it at the last minute because his Heartless Girl wants to watch Little Man with him.

In other words, I traveled all the way to ulu Boon Lay for nothing just now. I shall try to claim my train fare from him when we meet next time.

Anyway, I don’t know if it was fate or what, but I bumped into Office Bimbo at Jurong Point just now. That was very weird because we both live damn far away from Jurong, and our office is no where near the west too. The even weirder thing was that she looked very, very disturbed when she saw me coming towards her, and hurried away before I could call out her name.

Come to think of it, she has been trying to avoid me at work, and have even stopped forwarding me those cutesy and annoying emails. That girl, I think she die die don’t want to return me my cab fare.

But being the magnanimous person I am, I have decided to stop bugging her for the cab fare in view of her recent heart break. To prevent further awkward moments at the office, I sent an SMS to inform her of this entry that I wrote just now. I didn’t receive any reply, so I think I will SMS her again.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Great Pain

I have no idea how you guys spent your weekend, but I hope it was very different from the one I had because I was in great pain. I was in great pain because I was strapped in a cold reclining chair, with my eyes wide shut while my mouth got violated by the insertion of foreign objects that violently poked, probed, and grinded hard.

In other words, I went for a wisdom tooth extraction.

I don’t know about you guys but I have a great fear of the dentist since childhood. But the weeks of insomnia and pounding headache finally did me in, and I know I will probably go nuts if I don’t get that offending molar out of my head. So with a heavy heart, I called the company dentist after that all-nighter last Friday, and was lucky enough to get an appointment in the same afternoon.

I was very, very lucky indeed.

The dentist was a nice enough chap, and assured me that with the advances of modern dentistry, the operation will be done with swiftly and painlessly. I was also calmed by the presence of the very well-endowed dental assistant in a very, very short skirt.



. . . . gulp :)


After a brief examination of the tooth, the dentist asked if I wanted any anesthetic. It was a no-brainer for me because being the wimp I am, I have an incredibly low threshold for pain. That turned out to be a very bad mistake because after the administration, he looked very, very worried and asked if I am really not allergic to anesthetic. After looking into the mirror he offered me, I discovered the cause of his concern: my left cheek has swelled to gigantic proportions.



No photoshop required


The dentist then attempted to calm me down with a cheerful “I think I hit a nerve by accident, haha!” and proceeded to laugh nervously.

‘Haha’ my foot la haha.

After that not-so-little misadventure, he started on the extraction procedure. It was kind of funny in a way because even though he yanked and yanked and yanked, I felt no pain at all because of the anesthetic. In fact, the procedure was completed swiftly as promised, and I was generally ok even though I looked like I had a fishball stuck in my left cheek. I was even stingy strong enough to take the train for home instead of taking a cab.

The real pain came after I reached home. The effects of the anesthetic had more or less worn off by then, and it felt as if someone had used a sledgehammer on my mouth. I was in terrible pain, and was also feverish due to the loss of blood during the extraction. As if all that wasn’t enough, I also had to live on porridge for the next three days and forgo my usual weekend treat at KFC.

If there ever is a vaccine for wisdom teeth, I swear I will be one of the first to endorse it.

By the way, the nurse-in-very-short-skirt was really close to me throughout the procedure, and even wiped the beads of sweat off my head while I was lying helpless and vulnerable in that dentist chair. Maybe I should start visiting the dentist on a regular basis :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. In other news, I would like to congratulate Adrenaline for being a step closer to 30. But no worries babe, don’t need to worry about whether you will start looking like you are 30, because you’ve looked like that for a long time already :)

The long and short about The Top Ten Signs That You Are Tuning Into A Workaholic

1) You start having meals in front of the computer. The office computer.

2) You start to think of your colleagues as family members. The type you fight with over inheritance.

3) You start hallucinating whether if your Boss’ hair is real midway through the very, very long meeting.

4) You start having crazy thoughts like “I can’t afford to take an MC because I have to finish this report.”

5) You start having even crazier thoughts like staying overnight at the office so that you can save on transport to work tomorrow.

6) You start canceling dinner dates because the instant mee at the pantry seems more appealing.

7) You start bathing at the attached bathroom at the office.

8) You start to think of the sounds made by the fax machine and copier as music.

9) You start to seriously consider investing in a foldable safari bed in the office.

10) You work through the night and only start to pack your bags at 8:30 in the morning.


I am very, very worried that I am turning into an workaholic because not only did the first nine points happened, I also worked through the night last night and is only leaving for work now.

I need a life :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about One Less Virgin

Nerd dropped a bombshell on me over dinner just now:

He is now attached.

It turns out that after showering lots of Tender Loving Care on his Heartless Girl following her recent breakup, he was finally given a chance to prove his love. Just in case you are interested, he has also officially lost his Never-Been-Kissed status.

Youngsters nowadays, tsk tsk.

While Nerd is obviously over the moon over the whole thing, I have my reservations. For one thing, I heard that part of the reason why she accepted him has got to do with the fact that he is now a model. Damn, I really should have signed up for the package with him.

I am also feeling a bit left behind because it means he will possibly be losing his virginity way before I do. Nerd tried to comfort me by saying “Don’t worry Mr Sian, your time will come!”. But I remain uncomforted. Just between U & I, I have a very strong fear that I will one day morph into those ah peks who blow their CPF savings at some dirty KTV bars. Sigh.

In other news, I’ve wrote an obligatory entry with the hope of cheering Office Bimbo up. I hope she gets cheered up after reading it.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Hairstyle Change

After clocking many, many days of MC following her break up, Office Bimbo was finally back for work this morning.

I don’t know if this applies to all females, but for the ones I encountered, they all go for a change of hairstyle following a heartbreak. Sushi Eating Friend had a very short and manly crop after she found out about the ‘CCAs’ of her cheating boyfriend back in uni. Similarly, Office Bimbo adopted a shorter do too. For the sake of illustration, here’s some before and after pics of Office Bimbo:


Here’s the Before Pic:



Here’s the After Pic:



I think it’s all very troublesome. Besides having your heart-broken, you have to burn your pockets at some expensive hair salon. I find that totally illogical.


“Sian, you just don’t get it do you?” sighed Sushi Eating Friend when I asked her about it back in our uni days. “A change of hairstyle represents a change of perspectives, and in a way, liberation from the shackles of yesterday.”

“But I don’t cut my hair when I get dumped by my crushes!” I protested feebly. “When I need cheering up, there’s always faithful little KFC waiting for me!”

“Aha, and that’s the reason why you have a paunch and will remain unloved for the rest of your pathetic existence.”


For what I don’t understand from Sushi Eating Friend’s words of wisdom, I think Office Bimbo would, because she betrayed absolutely no signs of feeling heart broken, and even came back smiling following an extended lunch-cum-shopping trip.

Or at least that was what I thought. On my way to pass her a file just now, I stopped a few steps from her cubicle after hearing sobs from her direction.

I think I will wait for a while more before passing her the file.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Super Star

Nerd and I woke up extra early to go to Toa Payoh Central yesterday. We were there for a very important reason.

We were there to become Super Stars.





In preparation for the contest, Nerd and I have been practicing a lot in KTVs. In fact, I have a whole range of Grasshopper song-and-dance routines to unleash on national TV. I also have assurances from the Chinese cooked food auntie that she will cast her sacred votes for me. I reckon with my singing, dancing, and auntie-charming abilities, I can be the complete package. They might even sponsor me for free plastic surgery too.

Then we saw the sibeh long queue, and decided to adjourn to Ya Kun for breakfast instead.



Sibeh long queue


When I reached home, my mum berated me for wasting my time. Fighting back my tears, I tried explaining to her that being a singer has always been a lifelong dream for me, and nothing, absolutely nothing, will stop me from realizing that dream. I also gave her a very passionate rendition of Grasshoppers’ 宝贝对不起, but she wasn’t impressed. Sigh.

But maybe she is right. Maybe I really am not made for Project Superstar. I hate to admit this, but I felt really fugly yesterday, standing in a sea of teenagers trying to look like they just stepped out of a Taiwanese drama serial. The even sadder thing is that I also can’t make it for Campus Superstar, because I’m not schooling, and also not Superband, because I don’t know how to play an instrument.

So I’m crossing my fingers that they will organize this contest one day:





I am so going to be rich and famous one day :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Broken Heart

The workload at my work place is really getting to be a bit too much. I left close to midnight last night, and here I am back at this shitty little place again.

Anyway, Office Bimbo’s breakup brought back painful memories for me. Even though I’ve never had a girlfriend before, I do how bad it feels when your heart gets smashed into pieces. The following is an epic poem I wrote after my secondary school crush dumped me:


The Broken Heart

Broken heart, very painful.
It hurts so much it’s like very painful.
Feelings change, what to do?
It’s better to be hurt soon than to remain a fool.

I met a girl once, beside the loo.
She was an Ah Lian, and that was very cool.
We spoke, she laughed, I was acting the fool.
We became good friends, and even went to the zoo.

But this girl, also a bit terrible.
Want this want that, want me buy this and that for her.
Shopping shopping shopping, everyday shopping.
Shop until I shop away my lunch money and fed on nothing.

This has got to stop, my wallet told me so.
So I told her I must save up, if not I can’t marry her.
I asked her to be my girlfriend, but she say she’s not sure.
But she will be very sure, if I can buy her a Perlini Silver.

So I saved and saved and saved, and got her the necklace she wanted.
But she never became my girlfriend, even though she got what she wanted.
She say I was very stupid, and called me a ‘Robert’.
And that’s the reason why, I cried for days after.

Broken heart, very painful.
It hurts so much it’s like very painful.
Feelings change, what to do?
It’s better to be hurt soon than to remain a fool.

-Sibeh Sian
Spring, 1995

By the way, just in case you're wondering, I tried but failed miserably in my attmepts to get the cab fare from Office Bimbo. She said I was very cruel to ask money from her when she's nursing a broken heart :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian