The long and short about Interviews

Despite all the stupid interesting comments that Adrenaline left in my blog, I sincerely wish her all the best in her coming interview because I know how screwed it feels when you screw one up.

A nong nong long long time ago (actually, just ten months), when I was a fresh grad from the uni, I applied for a position at this ang mo advertising firm. It was famous in the industry for three things: their very bold and creative ads, their very handsome salaries, and their very gay boss.

Being a top-notch ad firm, their recruitment method was very unique too. I was short-listed for a mass interview at a board game café. They didn’t mention the reason why, but my guess is that they want to observe your interaction and problem-solving skills in a social setting.

So I arrived at the café, and met the rest of my fellow interviewees and prospective boss. After a quick introduction of ourselves, we started with the games. The first we played was Scrabble, which I aced easily (I’m that good, heh). Then I followed up by emerging the default winner for the game I proposed, because no one else in the group knew how to play Chinese Chess.

The third we played was Taboo. I thought I could cream this too because I’m really quite good with guessing games. I had no idea how wrong I was.


Partner: Ok, what do you call someone who doesn’t like females?

Me: Gay!

Partner: No no!

Me: Homosexual!

Partner: No no, try again!

Me: Eh. . . . Monk? Gay monk?

Partner: NO! Remember, he doesn’t like females, what is he?

Me, in desperation: ABNORMAL!


The ‘happy’ ang mo boss didn’t look happy at all. And that’s the reason why I ended up slaving for The Boss and Ms Tan later.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. I offer a drink to anyone who can get the taboo word right. Any takers?

The long and short about I Am So Dead Part II

So I went for the meeting with The Boss yesterday. The good news is that he doesn’t know about my taking home of the 3-in-1 coffee, the biscuits, the stationery or the stacks of A4 copier paper.

The bad news is that he thinks I am gay.

Despite my vehement denials and protests, he is convinced I am one because according to Office Bimbo a colleague he cannot name, I have been caught hugging ‘my partner’ at the office, drinking at gay pubs, and buying underwear for each other. He also noticed my red strapped G-Shock and asked if that’s what ‘we people’ wear.

Damn.

I am so in deep shit because The Boss is famously homophobic. Sushi Eating Friend, on the other hand, thinks things are not that bad because “Things could be worse if your Boss is gay and wants you to be a partner or something.”

To prevent any further misunderstandings, I have ordered Nerd to go to the loo on his own henceforth. I have also decorated my office cubicles with cut-outs of scantily-clad babes from Maxim. I was hoping The Boss will notice, but the only one who passed by my cubicle so far is the Cleaning Auntie, who went “CHOY CHOY!” when she saw the yummy cover girl in that teeny-weeny white bikini.

It’s so hard to please everyone.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about I Am So Dead

I am so dead.

The Boss just told me over the phone that he has heard some very unpleasant rumors about me in the office. He wants to have a one-to-one closed door interview with me once he is done with a meeting at 5pm later.

I have no idea what the ‘unpleasant rumors’ are about. But I sure hope it has got nothing to do with the many sachets of 3-in-1 coffee that found their way from the office pantry to my kitchen. Or the pantry biscuits. Or the office stationery. Or the stacks of A4 copier paper.

I must confess that my Boss instills fear in me, even more so than Ms Tan. So please pray for me. I can’t afford to be jobless in Singapore, not with the study loan and all :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about How I Got More Manly Over The Weekend

Maybe it’s my biological clock ticking, but I’ve been bugging Sushi Eating Friend on how I can improve my chances with girls. I know she is not a very nice friend when she replied “You can start by stop bugging friends on how you can improve your chances with girls.”

Wise-ass remarks aside, she did give a piece of advice that made a lot of sense: I should try to be more ‘man’. So I spent the past week surfing on products that can make me more ‘man’. It wasn’t long before I got the following list:



Man, I’m born to perform!


Just in case you are Adrenaline perverted, the site has got nothing to do with sex. Rather, it’s an online shop that sells body-building products such as body-building products. While this is definitely very manly, it also involves many painful trips to the gym and yucky protein drinks, so I’ll give it a miss.


Then I found another manly product:


My name is Belle, but I’m masculine

The description from the website says it all: A pleasant and beguiling scent for men, manly and delicious without being too perfumed. For the lumberjack man in all of us. Sounds tempting, but I decided to give this a miss too because from what I heard, eating soap is bad for health, even if it is delicious.


I was about to give up hope until I found this:


I am so full of attitude

The G-Shock Frogman is really, really cool. It runs on a Tough Solar cell which means I’ll never have to change battery, has a power reserve that last up to two years on a full charge, and has the trademark G-Shock shock resistance. Despite the red straps, it looks damn manly as well.

I ended up blowing a major part of my Progree Package on it, and showed off to Sushi Eating Friend on Saturday. After explaining to her about the fanciful dive functions such as multi dive site data and 200m Diver’s resistance, I know she is not a very nice friend when she replied “For goodness’ sake, you can’t even swim.”

I have no idea why I’m still friends with Sushi Eating Friend.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Nerd’s Profile

After getting to know Nerd so much better, I’ve decided that it’s high time he gets a place in my ‘People In My Life’ section:



Nerdy Intern (aka Nerd)

Maggi Mee is good for health

Description:
A 23 year old undergraduate who is currently interning at my company. I have no idea why, but the entire office thinks we are long lost brothers, in terms of both looks and personality. Was way irritated by him initially (actually, I still do) because of his annoying habit of following me around, even to the loo. But he really is a kindred spirit because we both know how painful unrequited crushes on heartless girls feel like. And for the record, we are not gay, ok?
Click here for first appearance


Gotta go, it’s time for lunch and *gasp* shopping with Sushi Eating Friend.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The French Affair Part III

I am finally back in the office after two days’ worth of standing around and looking pretty working at the Shangri La exhibition. Besides helping Mr French, I also helped myself to many, many sticks of free satay. Heh.

Anyway, I discovered that ang mos can be very kiasu too. Besides jostling with me in the long satay queue and the lunch buffets, they also helped themselves freely to the free pens that I was helping Mr French distribute. The ang mos manning the opposite booth were practically gazing at my pens like they were bra catalogues or something. To make matters worse, I was the only person manning the booth because Mr French was busy mingling with visiting dignitaries.

But I must say my neighbors are wonderful parents. Every time they took my pens, they will say “These are for my kids” without me asking anything. Rrrriigghhtttt.

Being a selfless person of impeccable integrity, I knew I had to do something about my rapidly diminishing supply of pens. For goodness’ sake, these pens are distributed to spread the brand of Mr French’s company to potential customers, not to adorn the kindergartens of my neighbors’ kids. I was utterly appalled by the obvious show of selfishness. Besides, I wanted to bring one pen for my mum, one for Sushi Eating Friend, one for myself and even one for Nerd because they are really quite nice looking pens.

Things came to a head when I caught them sneaking away with another two pens while I was returning from the loo. That was the last straw on this camel’s back, and I knew Something has to be done. Even though the shortest among them was still at least a head taller than me, I puffed up my chest and set myself up for a big confrontation with those burly ang mos. By hook, crook or limb, I was going to get my pens back.


Me: . . . . Eh. . . . .

Ang Mo: Hi! How may I help you?

Me: Oh, eh. . . . Lunch was very delicious!

Ang Mo: Oh yeah, very delicious indeed!

Me: Haha, very, very delicious! *Retreats back to the comfort of my booth*


I have the backbone of a jellyfish.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. Anyway, no relations to the previous entry, but I went to Tangs after dinner to get new undies because they were having a sale. And what do you know? Nerd was shopping there too. We then proceeded to discuss the virtues of boxers vs briefs, and dark-colored vs light-colored. Midway through our discussion, we saw Office Bimbo who was there with her SLK Driving Boyfriend. She stared at us while we were holding a pair of Calvin Kleins, and she looked very, very disturbed.

The long and short about The French Affair Part II

You know the French are not very nice people when you realized you have been walking around Shangri La with your fly undone the entire morning only during your loo trip after lunch.

Now I know why the aircon felt so nice and breezy. And thank goodness I was wearing green and not pink.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The French Affair

This is sian. Instead of spending my today and my tomorrow slacking in the office, I’ll be helping my Boss’ ang mo friend in an exhibition. I foresee a lot of problems because I know zilch about the products he is exhibiting. It also doesn’t help that he’s French, doesn’t speak English very well, and the only French word I know is Delifrance. Heh.

Anyway that also means there won’t be any updates this afternoon. I think. To keep you entertained, here’s a reproduction of the poem I wrote for my crush in secondary school:


The Yearning Bird

“Bird fly high, in the sky.
A girl like you, hard to find.
You are short, so am I.
But I’m sure our babies, will turn out fine.”

-Sibeh Sian
Spring, 1993

I think it’s quite good. Tell me if you want more.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Night I Went Pubbing

I have no idea why, but the people in the office have been giving me funny looks the past two days. Maybe the Olay is finally working its miracles on me :)

Anyway, I learnt from the movies that people always go for drinks to get over a broken heart. Since Nerd was still sian following about his blotched birthday celebration with Heartless Girl, I decided to go drown the sorrows with him on Saturday night. We went to this pub near Tanjong Pagar at the recommendation of Sushi Eating Friend.

It was an eye-opener for me because I’ve never been to a pub before. I always thought pubs will be infested with hot and scantily clad babes, but I think that must have been a misconception because there was not a single female in there. Needless to say, I was very disappointed. Maybe Channel 5 was showing something interesting that night.

There were a lot of guys with big muscles dressed in tight singlets though. I think they were inappropriately dressed because the aircon was way too cold. I guess that was why they have to sit really, really close to each other.

We took a look at the drinks list and were confused immediately because it all sounded very foreign. The staff wasn’t very helpful either. I asked the bartender whether if the SnowBall taste good, and he just looked at me weirdly and replied, “Very, very good.” After some serious consideration, Nerd and I decided that we were not comfortable with swallowing anything unfamiliar, so we ended up ordering Ribena and two bowls of nuts.

Despite the initial hiccups, it was really fun chatting with Nerd. We spent most of the time talking about the women in our life the lack of women in our life, and bitched about Ms Tan like there’s no tomorrow. I must add that Nerd is very kaypoh. He has been with us for only two weeks, but managed to dig up gossips that even I haven’t heard of, such as how Ms Tan was on the verge on getting married a few years ago before abruptly calling the whole thing off. She has not dated since.

It was great fun, but we decided to call it a night because Big Walk was on the following day, and because we were too cheapo to replenish our over-priced Ribena. Nerd was also complaining about how all the toilet cubicles were occupied, with the users taking a damn long time.

We happened to bump into Office Bimbo just outside the pub. She took a look at us, took a look at the neon signboard, and hurried away without saying hi. I don’t know why, but she looked very, very disturbed.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Me & My Nerdy Intern Part III

The Nerd is damn jialat. He has been making a lot of mistakes at work, and has been getting whacked left, right and centre by Ms Tan. I feel really bad for him because I know exactly how bad it feels to get whacked left, right and centre by Ms Tan.

Being the concerned supervisor I am, I wanted to have a pep talk with him, but I was too busy with Minesweeper serious work recently. I must also admit that I was still a bit miffed with him for scaring me the previous night. But just before I was about to make my way home last Friday, I knew I had to do something when I saw Nerd sobbing in front of the computer.

We had a heart-to-heart talk, and Nerd has a sad story to tell.

Remember him asking me for an early off last Monday? It turns out that that was his birthday. His date was this uni classmate whom he had a crush on for the longest time, and who promised to celebrate his birthday with him after he helped her with her projects and exam revisions. So Nerd spent two odd hours waiting at Jack’s Place before receiving an SMS saying that she’s not feeling well.

Then he received another SMS awhile later that goes, “I’ve chased away that irritating bug already hee hee :) See ya at NYDC. Luv luv, your sweetie ^-^!”

No wonder he has been looking even more sian than me for the past week. Again, I know exactly how he felt because similar sorts of heartbreak happened to me way back when I was in secondary school. For example, there was once when I wrote a love poem to my crush, who responded by getting her ah lian friends to give me a stern and unforgettable warning at the school loo. Male toilet some more.

So I told Nerd about my own sob stories, and we shared a good tear or two. We came to the common conclusion that some girls are just not worth it, and resolve that we shall henceforth not be toyed around by women anymore. We were also very happy to find kindred spirits in each other, and proceeded to give each other a hug to cement our new found ‘buddy’ status.

Office Bimbo caught us in the middle of our brotherly hug when she passed by our cubicle. She looked very, very disturbed.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Big Walk

So after getting barely five odd hours’ worth of sleep, I dragged myself out of bed to meet Sushi Eating Friend for the Big Walk this morning. She wanted to walk over to the stadium from Kallang MRT, but I convinced her to take the shuttle bus service at Dhoby Ghaut instead because it’s, eh, free.

What I didn’t know was a very, very long queue awaits us at the, eh, waiting point.



A very, very small portion of the very, very long queue


After waiting for like fourty odd minutes, we finally boarded the chartered bus, which eventually dropped us off somewhere very near Kallang MRT. We missed the flag-off, and Sushi Eating Friend was understandably pissed not very happy with me.

Anyway, we started our walk, and I slowly begin to realize that the Big Walk isn’t just about walking for a lot for people:


For some, The Big Walk is about juggling:


If he miscue on his juggling, I would be in for a Big Pain



For others, it’s about Dragon-dancing:


Lucky the Para Para Dancers never join in



For quite a few, it’s about Kung Fu



I am so gonna get banned in China for posting this pic



But for most of us Singaporeans, it’s about wisely utilizing short-cuts when appropriate.


Organizers of the Big Walk were perplexed by the record number of people who broke the record walking time



To me, the highlight of the Big Walk was at the mid-point because they were distributing free mineral water the view near Fullerton was breathtaking. Some of my fellow walkers, deciding that the Big Walk was not challenging enough, tried to make the walk tougher by stuffing a lot of the free mineral water into their pockets, their pouches, their backpacks and their baby-strollers. I salute them all: the national policy of keeping fit is obviously working very well.

Alas, all fun things have to come to an end, and it wasn’t long before we saw the end-point.



I am a Fun Walker




The first thing Sushi Eating Friend and I did upon completing our Walk was to rush over to queue for our goodie-bags. I was very happy because I got myself a free Sundae, face wash, towel, and eh, sunflower oil (what the?!?). My $4 registration fee has been justified. I also enjoyed the free samples Haagen Daaz was distributing, keke.

We then proceed to wait for the lucky draw results under the rapidly gloomy skies. After an hour plus, I realized that Fate wants my first lucky draw win not to be the Nissan Sylphy, but probably a Toto top prize in the not-so-distant future.

I also think Sushi Eating Friend looked very hot today in her pink hat, pink top and pink shorts. A pity she’s not into men. She also managed to worm her way out of the Carl’s Jr treat by claiming that I made her miss the flag-off.

Oh well.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Sibeh Generous

I am so in deep shit. I am supposed to meet Sushi Eating Friend in 6 hours’ time for the Big Walk, but I’ve just reached home only.

The reason why I’m so late is because I went for drinks with Nerd just now.

More on how the hell that happened next time. For now, I need some quality shut-eye, if not I’ll risk treating over-priced fast food Carl’s Jr to the greedy Sushi Eating Friend. Being the nice guy I am, I also promised to treat her to KFC if I managed to win the top lucky draw prize of a brand new Nissan Sylphy.

I am such a very generous friend.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about A True Singapore Ghost Story

Just between you and me, I am a very hum chee kind of guy. I blame it on the many Chinese vampire shows they keep showing on TV when I was young, and also on the many volumes of True Singapore Ghost Stories:



The all-time bestseller in Singapore


I was working late in the office last night because of some last minute work pushed to me by Ms Tan, that absolutely have to emailed to our overseas client by 10pm local time. Save for the incessant typing at my keyboard, the office was dead silent by 8 plus because everyone was probably home and watching TV already.

Besides being very hungry and very sleepy, I also had a very dire urge to shit. Now I always make it a point not to go to the office loo after dark because the place is downright creepy with its green-painted walls and ceilings. The weirdest thing is that there’s this Taoist Ba Gua mirror that is strategically located at the top of the toilet door, just opposite the basin mirrors. Rumors have it that there was a suicide case in the company that previously occupied our current premises. Further rumors goes that the disgruntled employee hanged himself in the loo while working OT.

Damn.

But I really don’t have much of a choice because I desperately needed to shit. I also really regret eating that pack of two-day old nasi lemak for dinner because I was really hungry. The next nearest toilet was the dingy one at the nearby petrol station, and I want nothing to do with it.

And so I went into the office loo, selected the cubicle that’s nearest to the exit, and started to do my thing. Midway through my business, the toilet went pitch-black suddenly.

I panicked for a while before I recalled the lights are controlled by motion sensors. So I started waving my arms wildly, and the lights came back on. I tried to shift my attention back to the latest copy of Maxim Time magazine.

And that’s when I heard the toilet door creaking as it opens slowly.

Now this time I was really sweating cold because I was dead sure that there was no one in the office but me. I tried to tell myself it was just my imagination but the footsteps followed soon after. It stopped briefly right outside my cubicle before proceeding to the next one. It did not respond when I tried my ‘Hellos?”.

I didn’t even bother to wipe myself clean as I rushed out of the toilet.

But the worst has yet to come. Right there in my office cubicle, I witnessed a truly horrible sight that I will probably not forget for the rest of my life: My computer has been shut down.

I also went ‘AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” when someone tapped me on the shoulders. That ‘someone’ went ‘AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” too.

It was Nerd.


Nerd: Eh, hello Mr Sian!

Me: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!!

Nerd: Oh, I was in the area and I needed to use the loo, but the nearest one was the dingy one at the petrol station that I want nothing to do with, so I came here.

Me: Why didn’t you respond to my ‘Hellos’?

Nerd: Oh, haha, I was listening to my iPod, haha. . . .

Nerd: And Mr Sian, you very bad! I think you forgot to shut off your computer. But not to worry, I helped you do it already.


And that’s the reason why I was late in submitting my work to my client, and why my backside was very, very itchy last night.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Bodily Hair

This entry is inspired by Lambchop. The poor thing, in addition to suffering from lupus, is now experiencing bodily hair growth in all the wrong places. Hey, that rhymed.



When I was in my teens, my sister loved to read those romance novels with very graphical, eh, graphics on the cover. Guiding purely from the glossy paperbacks, I was impressed upon two universal truths about romance novels: the char bors are always blossomy, while the hunks are always hairy.




Not only do I have hairy arms, but I got bigger neh neh than you too


So I reckoned that if I were to get the babes, I must first be hairy. Which is a big problem for me because I’m about as hairy as a baby’s ass. (Just in case you are wondering, I have a lot of hair on the top of my head. And it will stay that way. Ahem.)

“Your problem, very easy to solve!” so claimed an uncle of mine when I visited his place during CNY circa 1993. “All you need to do is just rub some alcohol on yourself, then can liao.” He then proceeded to pass me a can of Tiger. I had to convince my mum that I was not going to turn into an alcoholic.

So that night, in the comfort of my bathroom, I rubbed the thing over my scrawny chest, my arms, and my sideburns. It felt tingling at first. Then it felt hot. Then it started to burn. I had to convince my mum that I was not wanking even though I went Ooh! Ahh! Ahh! the whole time.

I have absolutely no idea how I managed to repeat that ordeal for a week. I would have continued if not for the fact that I ran out of Tiger: I was that determined to get hairy. Unfortunately, there was no sign of any follicle development at all. I also rejected my uncle’s kind counteroffer of XO.

Anyway, the saddest thing out of this episode is that I have very long hair on my nipples ever since. Very long. Around 5cm at least. I kid you not. I would have posted the pictures here, but I really do not want to spoil your appetite.

Maybe it's high time I start investing in an epilator. I wanted to borrow from Sushi Eating Friend, but she screeched ‘NO WAY!’.

I wonder why :(

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Mysterious Case Of The Missing Meat Ball

This is for the benefit of the sagely Green Ogre, who remarked that Adrenaline women can get really scary when they are pissed off. Or something like that.

For three days in a row, the Chinese cooked food stall auntie has been giving me three meat balls instead of the usual four when I bought lunch from her. I suspect this may have to do with the conversation I had with her on Monday.


Me: Happy Mother’s Day auntie!

Stall Auntie: CHOY! I am not married yet! (proceeds to scoop my rice with fury while simultaneously cold stared at me)


For the sake of my balls, I shall call her ‘xiao jie’ tomorrow.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Start Of My Healthy Lifestyle

I’m not sure if it’s just my imagination, but Nerd has been looking kind of downcast ever since he reported for work this morning. He even made several trips to the loo by himself, which was very odd. Maybe he ate something bad for breakfast.

By the way, I have something major to tell you guys: I have signed up for the Big Walk that’s coming up this Sunday. I swear this has got everything to do with my resolve of getting fit, and nothing to do with the cute girl at the registration counter. Heh.

To prep myself for the big event, I have been climbing the stairs at the MRT station instead of using the escalators. I will also be bringing two 1.5 litre bottles’ worth of 100 Plus and a can of Pringles, just in case I get hungry or thirsty along the way. I am also looking forward to the free Carl Jr meal that Sushi Eating Friend promised if I manage to complete the arduous event

Man, I feel so fit now. If I keep this up, maybe I’ll end up with a body like this one day:



Go ahead. Worship me!


With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Lonely Monday

I very nearly choked on a piece of Oreo when Nerd sneaked up on me at the pantry this afternoon.


Nerd: Eh, Mr Sian? Can I ask a flavor?

Me: What????

Nerd: Can I leave 30 minutes earlier today?

Me: Huh? Why leh?

Nerd: Eh. . . . I got a date tonight.

Me: Guy or girl?

Nerd: Haha, girl, haha. . . .


I think I never said ‘Okay!’ so fast before in my life.

While I am damn relieved that this probably means that my fears about him being ‘on to me’ are unfounded, I felt kind of sad at the same time because I’m reminded of the sad fact that it’s been a really long time since I last went on a date. It was with a uni project mate, and I think it didn’t went too well because besides spilling popcorn on her, I was covering my face most of the time.



Never bring your date to a scary movie if you are hum chee


To make myself feel better, I went to KFC for an indulgent dinner. But my three-piece meal didn’t work their magic this time because seated opposite me was this couple who was happily feeding each other whipped potato.

I resolve to do takeaways next time.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Happy Mother’s Day

All I wanna do today is to wish my mum a Happy Mother’s Day :)



Happy Mother’s Day, eh, Mother :)!


Even since my dad died in a horrific car crash when I was ten, my mum had to take up the burden of raising her not-too-bright son up all by herself. Actually, she was already doing that way before dad got mashed up because we never get to see that asshole fellow at home because he was always either at the races or his mistress’s.

As if raising a child alone isn’t tough enough, I have to make it tougher by being a naughty kid. I remember this incident when my mum was being called up to school by my primary two form teacher:


Teacher: Your son is very naughty. I caught him putting pencil shavings in my bag.

Mum: I am very sorry, I will discipline him when we get home.

Teacher: You better do. Your son is already stupid enough. Your husband is a bookie right? Wait next time your son do the same thing.

Mum: I am very, very sorry.


On the way home, I was very, very scared because mum was keeping mum (heh) all the time. I was expecting to get whacked big time when she finally summoned me to the living room after I bathed.


Mum: Son, promise ma next time you won’t put pencil shavings in your teacher’s bag okay?

Me: Okay.

Mum: Good boy.

Mum: But if you must, put a cockroach next time.


And that is just one of the many reasons why I want to wish my mum a Happy Mother’s day :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

P.S. Yes yes, I know Mother’s Day is tomorrow but I just wanna get this entry posted asap lah ok? I wish your mum a Happy Mother’s Day too :)

The long and short about The Misadventures of Me & Nerd In The Toilet

Misadventure #01:
I nearly wet my pants this morning when Nerd, in the adjacent urinal, excitedly exclaimed: “Mr Sian! We are wearing the same brand of underwear!”


Misadventure #02:
I was so freaked by Misadventure #01 that I decided not to go to the loo after lunch break. I was also very curious about whether if Nerd is actually capable of making a trip to the loo by himself because to date, he only goes to the loo when I do.

It wasn’t easy, but I’m proud to report here that I managed to hold it all in. Nerd, on the other hand, had a much harder time because he drank many a cup of Lipton tea, courtesy of his kind supervisor.

It was only a matter of time before he caved in.


Nerd: Eh, Mr Sian, do you need to go to the loo?

Me: No.

Nerd: Eh, okay. . . .

Nerd: I’ll wait for you then.


What the hell?!?!

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Me & My Nerdy Intern Part II

Just my second day with him, and Nerd is already driving me nuts.

He hangs around me like a leech. He wouldn’t go for his lunch break without me. He even follows me when I pee.

I hope he’s not, eh, into me.

The worst thing is that he keeps bugging me to task him some assignments. Now that is something that is not as simple as it seems to be, considering the fact that I don’t really have much to do in the office. I thought everyone will jump at the chance of 1-hour tea break (twice a day) and 2 hour lunch break job, but obviously I was wrong.

I hereby acknowledge that Nerd is of a different, superior breed. He is a Man who wants tasks that are very exciting and challenging.

So I gave him the utterly exciting and challenging task of data-entry. All three months’ worth of back-logged inventory.

Heh.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about Me & My Nerdy Intern

Despite my pimples injuries, I made the painful decision of not extending my MC because I don’t want my intern to wait for me for another day. It was the start of the internship program yesterday, and I blissfully forgot about my duty to orientate him to the company because I was happily indulging in chocolate ice cream while watching Sponge Bob Square Pants recovering from my serious illness at home.


Anyway, after seeing him in person, I can confirm that the Nerd is a serious dead ringer for that, eh, nerd from Getty Images. The only difference is that he has more pimples. Heh.

Being his supervisor, I took the trouble of showing him around the office. I have no idea why, but Ms Tan snickered when she saw the two of us together. So did Office Bimbo when we went to her cubicle. Come to think of it, so did everybody else, including the cleaning auntie.

Then we finally arrived at The Boss’ office. Instead of offering useful advice, all my Boss could say was: “Wah, the two of you look damn like brothers sia!”

I propose that my entire office get their eyesight checked.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Beauty Investment Part IV

Just a quick one before I go to bed.

First, the good news: the swelling and itch has subsided. The even better news is that the Olay Doctor agreed to endorse an MC for me when I paid him another visit this morning. It feels so damn good to be lying in bed when the rest of the working world are, eh, working.

Ok, now the bad news: the Invasion of Pimples has started. When I look at the mirrow, I can see pus-filled horrors here, there and everywhere. I tried Green Ogre’s suggestion of alcohol, but that can of beer (yucks) didn’t seem to work.

Damn.

But thanks for everyone’s care and concern. Sibeh Sian is sibeh grateful :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Beauty Investment Part III

I just got back from the hospital.

Heh, I was just kidding. Haha. But really. I just came back from the clinic.

I was really hoping the itch will go away on its own but obviously that didn’t happen. The final straw came when Sushi Eating Friend offered me this piece of advice after I told her about my erupting (literally, the pimples) woes.


Sushi Eating Friend: Cannot be! I’ve been using Olay for ages and it worked wonders for me. How much did you used anyway?

Me: There was no instructions and your phone was engaged the other night. But it did mention ‘Apply Liberally’, so that was what I did. I think I’m left with about half a tube.

Sushi Eating Friend: (Almost chokes on her wasabi) . . . . You really are an idiot.


Fast forward a few hours later and I found myself in the clinical confines of the, eh, clinic.


Doctor: I don’t think it’s an allergy per se. Your skin is probably not used to the moisturizer yet, so do go easy on the amount applied.

Me: Ok. So that means I can still use it after my skin is better right? (I really don’t want to waste the rest of my Olay because I paid $23.50 for it)

Doctor: I don’t suppose there’s any harm, but do refrain from using the product again if you suffer the same symptoms. In the mean time, I’ll give you some cream to ease the itch.

Me: Oh! What’s the brand of the cream?

Doctor: Olay.

Doctor: . . . . Haha, I’m just kidding.


My doctor has a sick sense of humor. I also just realized he didn’t give me an MC.

Damn.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Beauty Investment Part II

This is bad.

I woke up this morning with my skin feeling really, really itchy. I also had vague memories of me scratching my face like crazy last night while lying in bed.

Then I went to the bathroom mirror this morning and Horrors! It’s all red and blotchy. For a moment I thought I got AIDS, but felt a little bit relieved afterwards because I recalled that I’m still a virgin. Heh.

To stop the rash from developing, I applied more of the Olay stuff on my face. I hope that helps.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about My Beauty Investment

It all started with an innocuous trip to the canteen yesterday. The question that the new drinks stall auntie asked was also innocuous enough.


“What you want huh, Uncle?”


I am so going to invest in Botox.

But of course, I can’t afford Botox. Come to think of it I’ll most probably be too stingy to try it even if I do can afford it. So I went to Watson’s last evening and got myself this thing that Sushi Eating Friend was gushing about sometime back:



This better be worth my $23.50.


There was no instruction on how much to apply, but the directions did mention ‘Apply Liberally’. So that was what I did before I went to bed last night.

I’m happy to report here that my face has feeling kind of itchy since I woke up this morning. Must be the wonderful nutrients working its miracles on my soon to be youthful skin :)

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Antics Of Office Bimbo

In the relatively short span of three months that I’ve been with this company, I’ve witnessed the following from Office Bimbo:


1) She spoilt the coffee-making machine. Twice.

2) Come to think of it, she jammed the photocopier a few times before too. Like once everyday. “Please remember to remove the staples before placing your documents in the sorter” is obviously a message that can’t be registered by her brain.

3) She called my office number twice before to ask me where am I.

4) She will 'fall sick' every alternate Monday. Without fail.

5) She gets kidnapped by aliens for around 2 hours every lunch break.

6) She must be a really interesting homo sapien specimen because the aliens will kidnap her for about 30mins during every toilet break too.

7) I suspect The Boss hired her to respond to her MSN Messenger messages.

8) She survives on tomato juice for lunch.

9) I think she loves fruits because she’s usually decked in Burberries. Heh.

10) She has a first class in Economics from some ang mo uni, but had to resort to a calculator to find the solution to $120k + $30k.


She also happens to be the god-daughter of The Boss. Damn.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Romance That Was Not Meant To Be

Friends, I bear sad news today. The ah lian intern who was supposed to come next Monday have decided to forsake my company after receiving a better offer from another firm.

As if the dashing of any hopes of romance was not bad enough, Ms Tan has assigned another intern in her place. From his resume, the following is a very close approximation of what the he looks like:



Hello, I am very excited to learn from you :)


According to Ms Tan, she picked him because he reminded her of me. Her eyesight must be getting from bad to worse.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian

The long and short about The Oto Trimax

So I finally brought my mum to try the Oto Trimax 908 over the weekend. Since I was the one paying, I tried to convince her to go for the cheaper more affordable U-Zap because with luck, she might morph into Fiona Xie.





Alas, my words were in vain because the Oto came highly recommended by this Dongfang Billy fellow.



The King of Aunties


We made our way to the nearby shopping complex which was holding a sales demo. The place was already crowded with aunties wanting to try the thing out, and mum had to wait for around ten minutes for her turn. After some instructions, the salesman strapped the thing on her and set it vibrating . But really, vibrating is too weak a word: the damn thing was pulsating and throbbing so hard, it was as if it had a life of its own.

Within seconds, my mum started to smile really brightly.


Me: Wah, is it that good ma?

Ma: No lah, it’s very ticklish. Hahahaha. . . .


After around two or so minutes, my mum decided she had enough.


Me: Why you stop? Very painful huh?

Ma: No lah, the thing is making me feel like peeing.


Following her return from the ladies, she dragged me to one corner and told me I can save my $328.


Ma: I thought about it liao. I don’t need to buy the machine. All I need to do is to go to those demo centres everyday.

Me: But there are only so many Oto outlets in Singapore! They’ll eventually blacklist you or something!

Ma: Don’t worry, when that happens I’ll switch to the UZap demos.


My mum is indeed smarter than what I think.

And that’s the story how I didn’t blew my Progress Package on a very expensive vibrator.

With Love,
Sibeh Sian